About the Author


David Kilimnick

Finalist of the Laugh Factory's 'Funniest Person in the World' Comedy Competition, David did not compete on Shabbat and still, people do not feel his story is worthy enough to mention when discussing Sandy Koufax. The author of The Aliyah Dictionary and Dictionary of Jewish, David is the first Israeli to ever make it to the finals of a stand-up competition of this caliber.

David Kilimnick, known as Jerusalem's Comedian, and dubbed Israel ’s “father of Anglo comedy” by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off The Wall Theater in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter.

In his one-man Stand-up shows dedicated to the Olim (the creator and performer of The Aliyah Monologues, Find Me A Wife, Uncle 'D', Frum From Birth (Religiouos Manifesto and more), the rabbi turned comedian brings you on the emotional journey of the immigrant. Kilimnick’s universal humor takes you on a “tour of funny” through the Holy Land.

David has appeared on “Beep,” Israel ’s comedy network, Tzchok MeAvodah, starred on Jerusalem HaDashot, and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a “rising star” who possesses “Seinfeldian charm” when he takes to the stage.

You can see David in the 'Israel Comedy Experience' and his other one-man stand-up shows every week, at Jerusalem's Off The Wall Comedy Theater. David also travels internationally and is available for theater, community and campus shows and simchas, including shows for tour groups, you, your family and friends in Israel.

www.davidkilimnick.com www. israelcomedy.com
david@israelcomedy.com 972(50) 875-5688'


How to Make Chanukah Religious Again

In order to make Chanukah more religious, I’m using fat from shmaltz flanken meat that stays in the stomach for eight days.

Reasons I Wasn’t Accepted into the Israeli Army

I wanted to serve the army, but they knew better.

Foods Jews Love to Eat: Sephardic Jews Edition

I know nothing about Yemenite history. All I know is that they know how to make bread taste amazing.

Food Jews Love To Eat: Ashkenazi Edition

There is one thing that connects all Jews. Food.

New Laws for Jerusalem

No third graders directing traffic.

An Ode to Jewish Delis

Nothing says American Jewish tradition like the deli.

Jewish Ways to Lose Weight After the Holidays

The Anti-Simcha Diet is where you don’t go to any family functions. That’s 5 pounds right there.

Top Sukkot Decorations

From the paper chain to the ushpizin poster to the Christmas lights, I’ve got your Sukkah covered.

Rosh Hashanah Resolutions

God, please help me to stop eating chocolate.

Jewish Back to School Shopping Explained

No I cannot explain why your tuition doesn’t include pencils.

How Jews Do Summer Vacations

Jews don’t pack clothes. We just pack food.

How to Enjoy a Summer Vacation in Israel

Going on a hike, or “Tiyul”, is a great way to experience what’s called in the Middle East “dehydration.”

Tips for Your Online Jewish Dating Profile

Tip #1: Do whatever you can to make sure your profile picture doesn’t look like you.

Fast Day Survival Tips

My techniques to make it through the Tisha B’Av fast.

Jewish Summer Camp: Memories of a Pre-Military Academy

The way my parents made Jewish summer camp sound, I thought I was joining the US Armed Forces.

Vacationing as a Jew

Your goal is to get into your hotel room but the anti-Semites have decided to make hotel keys electronic.

The Kippah Makes the Man

A list of some of the most popular kippahs, the styles, and what they mean.

Kiddush Tips for Dummies

How to take control of the shul chulent.

Jewish Haircuts & Styles for Lag B’Omer

In Israel the “Number 2” is very popular. A barber takes clippers and runs them over your head and charges twenty dollars.

Yom HaAtzmaut Traditions

This Israel Independence Day, shpritz people with white foam. In Israel, that’s just what we do.

Passover Food You Need to Buy

Buy lots of eggs. Because other than brisket, everything should taste like scrambled eggs.

How to Maximize the All You Can Eat Buffet

Bring dessert for your “entire table.” This is a misdirection technique I learned from my aunt.

Other American Things Moving to Jerusalem

After moving their Embassy to Jerusalem, these American things will also be moving – or have moved already.

Humorous Guide to Making Mishloach Manot

When repurposing, make sure to leave the note with the name of the people who gave it to you originally.

Let it Rain!

We pray for rain in Israel where nobody owns a coat.

How to Help Jewish Singles

I am single, and no I am not looking for a “shidduch”.

Lebanon Remakes All Spielberg Movies

Saving Private Ryan now becomes Killing Private Ryan

If You Boycott Israel, Boycott This

If you boycott Israel just be ready to go all the way. Turn off Waze and go back to using Mapquest.

The Ins and Outs of Jewish Fundraisers

From Chinese Auctions to ad journals.

Why We Don’t Care that Lorde Boycotted Israel

In Israel we don’t "wait for the green light." We honk when the light turns yellow.

How to Light Your Menorah

Here are my tips for how to light your menorah in ways that your neighbors will never forget.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest: The Legend of a Jewish Athlete

When I heard about Nathan’s contest, I knew I had found my sport.

Rabbi Words I Don’t Understand

”The synagogue needs you for a quorum.” What’s a quorum? I thought I was being punished.

How to Save Money in Israel

Eat in the supermarket because apparently eating there is free.

Jewish Lords of the Dance

The ways religious Jews like to dance.

Thou Shalt Give Thy Children Candy

For me the holiday of Sukkot brings up memories of candy.

New Symbolic Foods for Rosh Hashanah

Creative blessings and curses using fruits and vegetables.

What’s Expected of Parents by Jewish Day Schools

It’s homework time and as a parent of kids in Jewish schools that means one thing: start studying.

Where to Take Your Jewish Date this Summer

For those committed to the Jewish faith, mini golf is the perfect date. We are good at it!

Jewish Summer Camp: Stuff No Parent Wants to Hear

”Sorry sport, but mom and dad are sick of having you at home.”

Shul Superheroes

Beware of Yichus Man whose superpowers belong to his great-grandfather who he talks about all of the time.

Jewish Wedding Seating for Dummies

You will recognize the Bride’s Girlfriend Table from the quantity of hi-pitched ‘wooohs’.

Shavuot Tips for Staying Up All Night

Eating cheese blintzes, I can do. But staying up all night, past sunrise?

Jewish Health Care Plans

All HMOs serving Jewish patients will have the following slogan: ‘You should only have your health.”

Lag B’Omer in Israel

Join me on a tour of my neighborhood in Israel as I witness the local children light the local park on fire.

Aliyah and Kosher Food

The reason I moved to Israel is for kosher food.

Receive the Aish.com Weekly Email

Sign up to our Aish Weekly Update Jewsletter.

Our privacy policy