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About the Author

Mordechai Schmutter

Mordechai Schmutter writes a weekly humor column for Hamodia, a monthly humorous advice column for The Jewish Press, and a comic strip for The 20s and 30s of Brooklyn. He is also the author of the books, Don’t Yell “Challah” in a Crowded Matzah Bakery, A Clever Title Goes Here, This Side Up, and Cholent Mix, all published by Israel Book Shop. In his spare time, which doesn't exist, he attempts to teach Language Arts to a bunch of high school guys, most of whom are usually too upset that he showed up on any given day to even pay attention to his lessons. He is also available to do stand-up comedy. He lives in New Jersey, but no longer remembers why.

Forget Me Not

Forget Me Not

by Mordechai Schmutter

Remembering to count the days between Passover and Shavuot can be tricky. But I’ve got a plan!


Fast and Furious

Fast and Furious

by Mordechai Schmutter

Enhancing your productivity by doing things faster.


Trimming the Fat

Trimming the Fat

by Mordechai Schmutter

Passover is coming, so eat everything you can!


License to Smile

License to Smile

by Mordechai Schmutter

Time for my favorite errand – a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles!


Dressed for Success

Dressed for Success

by Mordechai Schmutter

Purim is here, and it’s about time you gave some serious thought to the subject of costumes.


Like, Whatever

Like, Whatever

by Mordechai Schmutter

The two most irritating words in the English language.


Lost and Found

Lost and Found

by Mordechai Schmutter

My 8 surefire tips to finding whatever you’ve lost. Guaranteed!


Say What?

Say What?

by Mordechai Schmutter

Do the things we tell our kids even make sense? Short answer: no.


You Never Call

You Never Call

by Mordechai Schmutter

I never call my parents. At least that’s what my parents believe.


Balance of Power

Balance of Power

by Mordechai Schmutter

One man’s take on his experience during Hurricane Sandy and the following blackout.


No, I Don’t Work Here

No, I Don’t Work Here

by Mordechai Schmutter

Ever since I was a teenager, people have been coming up to me in stores and assuming that I worked there.


Doctor in the House

Doctor in the House

by Mordechai Schmutter

I’ve been feeling kind of lousy lately, and I’ll tell you why: I went to the doctor.


I’m a Mitzvah Clown!

I’m a Mitzvah Clown!

by Mordechai Schmutter

I am happy to call myself a Mitzvah Clown – someone who brings happiness to senior homes and children’s hospitals.


Baby Steps

Baby Steps

by Mordechai Schmutter

My youngest child, Gedalyah, is about to start crawling. But he doesn’t know it yet.


Back to School Basics

Back to School Basics

by Mordechai Schmutter

Kids gather around and listen to these pearls of wisdom from a master educator.


Flying High

Flying High

by Mordechai Schmutter

Statistically, it’s a lot safer to fly than to drive. I think I’ll take my chances.


Home Economics

Home Economics

by Mordechai Schmutter

Men are far more economical. Wait. Let me explain.


Talking Small

Talking Small

by Mordechai Schmutter

Don’t talk to me about the weather, the food at the wedding you went to or how bad the traffic was – I hate small talk.


Chinese Auction Action

Chinese Auction Action

by Mordechai Schmutter

How to make your next Chinese Auction a fun-raising experience.


That’s So Annoying!

That’s So Annoying!

by Mordechai Schmutter

Modern technology’s most annoying inventions.


Having a Ball

Having a Ball

by Mordechai Schmutter

For his Afikoman present my son asked for a football. But I can’t play for the life of me. Help!


A Jewlarious Hamantashen Recipe

A Jewlarious Hamantashen Recipe

by Mordechai Schmutter

Both the recipe and the jokes here are real.


Carpool Craziness

Carpool Craziness

by Mordechai Schmutter

I miss the school bus. Not that I’m chasing after it yelling “Wait!” but I yearn for it.


Behind the PTA

Behind the PTA

by Mordechai Schmutter

A teacher tells all about what’s really happening on parent teacher night.


Let the Games Begin!

Let the Games Begin!

by Mordechai Schmutter

With Chanukah coming to a close, now our kids will start playing with their new toys. Be prepared.


Men: For Dummies

Men: For Dummies

by Mordechai Schmutter

Confused why your husband won't ask for directions? Let me explain.


Tips From Your Grammar

Tips From Your Grammar

by Mordechai Schmutter

Grammar tips from an English teacher at a Jewish day school.


The Sukkah Classifieds

The Sukkah Classifieds

by Mordechai Schmutter

This being the first year I’m putting up a sukkah, I am going to check the “sukkah classifieds” for decorations.


It Could be Worse

It Could be Worse

by Mordechai Schmutter

With the ten days of repentance upon us, let’s work on our pessimism. Not that it’s going to help anything.


Play it Safe

Play it Safe

by Mordechai Schmutter

Have our schools actually gotten safer or have parents just gotten more neurotic?


All the Trimmings

All the Trimmings

by Mordechai Schmutter

Five ways to save on your upcoming wedding.


The Lost Art of Babysitting

The Lost Art of Babysitting

by Mordechai Schmutter

We beg them to let us pay them to come to our houses, sit on our couch, do almost no work and raid our refrigerator. The teenagers have officially won.


Supermarketing

Supermarketing

by Mordechai Schmutter

Every time I get conned into spending more money at the supermarket, I’m doing my part to fight the recession.


Why?

Why?

by Mordechai Schmutter

Why do kids ask so many questions? Why?!


Brown Thumbs

Brown Thumbs

by Mordechai Schmutter

Summer is almost here, and homeowners know what that means: gardening.


Tee Time

Tee Time

by Mordechai Schmutter

We just signed my son of for Little League, or as we like to call it “Yiddel League.”


29 Again

29 Again

by Mordechai Schmutter

30 isn’t that old, is it?


Is Laughter Really the Best Medicine?

Is Laughter Really the Best Medicine?

by Mordechai Schmutter

The best? Come on.


I’m Bored!

I’m Bored!

by Mordechai Schmutter

Why is it that just because my kids are bored, it means that I have to suffer?


Forget It

Forget It

by Mordechai Schmutter

I had the greatest idea to stop forgetting things. And then…I just forgot it.


We’re Here to Help

We’re Here to Help

by Mordechai Schmutter

New parents need our help. But what we’re doing right now could use some work.


Weighed Down

Weighed Down

by Mordechai Schmutter

My pockets are weighing me down. Time to change all of that change.


Toys for Tots

Toys for Tots

by Mordechai Schmutter

Stumped as to what you should get your toddlers for Chanukah? Here’s some unhelpful advice.


Picture Perfect

Picture Perfect

by Mordechai Schmutter

In today’s digital world, how exactly do professional photo studios stay in business?


Get out the Vote

Get out the Vote

by Mordechai Schmutter

Who are you voting for this election day? I am voting for sleep.


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