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About the Author

Mordechai Schmutter

Mordechai Schmutter writes a weekly humor column for Hamodia, a monthly humorous advice column for The Jewish Press, and a comic strip for The 20s and 30s of Brooklyn. He is also the author of the books, Don’t Yell “Challah” in a Crowded Matzah Bakery, A Clever Title Goes Here, This Side Up, and Cholent Mix, all published by Israel Book Shop. In his spare time, which doesn't exist, he attempts to teach Language Arts to a bunch of high school guys, most of whom are usually too upset that he showed up on any given day to even pay attention to his lessons. He is also available to do stand-up comedy. He lives in New Jersey, but no longer remembers why.

You Never Call

You Never Call

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I never call my parents. At least that’s what my parents believe.


Balance of Power

Balance of Power

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One man’s take on his experience during Hurricane Sandy and the following blackout.


No, I Don’t Work Here

No, I Don’t Work Here

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Ever since I was a teenager, people have been coming up to me in stores and assuming that I worked there.


Doctor in the House

Doctor in the House

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I’ve been feeling kind of lousy lately, and I’ll tell you why: I went to the doctor.


I’m a Mitzvah Clown!

I’m a Mitzvah Clown!

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I am happy to call myself a Mitzvah Clown – someone who brings happiness to senior homes and children’s hospitals.


Baby Steps

Baby Steps

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My youngest child, Gedalyah, is about to start crawling. But he doesn’t know it yet.


Back to School Basics

Back to School Basics

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Kids gather around and listen to these pearls of wisdom from a master educator.


Flying High

Flying High

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Statistically, it’s a lot safer to fly than to drive. I think I’ll take my chances.


Home Economics

Home Economics

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Men are far more economical. Wait. Let me explain.


Talking Small

Talking Small

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Don’t talk to me about the weather, the food at the wedding you went to or how bad the traffic was – I hate small talk.


Chinese Auction Action

Chinese Auction Action

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How to make your next Chinese Auction a fun-raising experience.


That’s So Annoying!

That’s So Annoying!

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Modern technology’s most annoying inventions.


Having a Ball

Having a Ball

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For his Afikoman present my son asked for a football. But I can’t play for the life of me. Help!


A Jewlarious Hamantashen Recipe

A Jewlarious Hamantashen Recipe

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Both the recipe and the jokes here are real.


Carpool Craziness

Carpool Craziness

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I miss the school bus. Not that I’m chasing after it yelling “Wait!” but I yearn for it.


Behind the PTA

Behind the PTA

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A teacher tells all about what’s really happening on parent teacher night.


It Could be Worse

It Could be Worse

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With the ten days of repentance upon us, let’s work on our pessimism. Not that it’s going to help anything.


All the Trimmings

All the Trimmings

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Five ways to save on your upcoming wedding.


The Lost Art of Babysitting

The Lost Art of Babysitting

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We beg them to let us pay them to come to our houses, sit on our couch, do almost no work and raid our refrigerator. The teenagers have officially won.


Is Laughter Really the Best Medicine?

Is Laughter Really the Best Medicine?

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The best? Come on.


We’re Here to Help

We’re Here to Help

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New parents need our help. But what we’re doing right now could use some work.


Weighed Down

Weighed Down

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My pockets are weighing me down. Time to change all of that change.


Toys for Tots

Toys for Tots

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Stumped as to what you should get your toddlers for Chanukah? Here’s some unhelpful advice.


Picture Perfect

Picture Perfect

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In today’s digital world, how exactly do professional photo studios stay in business?


Get out the Vote

Get out the Vote

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Who are you voting for this election day? I am voting for sleep.


Lone Thoughts

Lone Thoughts

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Being unemployed isn’t fun. There’s no one to talk to, so I end up talking to myself. A lot.


Mr. Can’t Fix It

Mr. Can’t Fix It

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As a Jew, I’ve been blessed with a rich heritage. I’ve also been cursed with an inability to fix anything if my life depended on it.


Breaking the Bank

Breaking the Bank

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My tips for saving money -- budget less.


Teacher’s Pet Peeves

Teacher’s Pet Peeves

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Yes I am the teacher, and yes these are the rules!


Multi-Tasking For Dummies

Multi-Tasking For Dummies

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Do Not Read While Operating Heavy Machinery


Mind Your Manners

Mind Your Manners

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Rosh Hashana is around the corner and it’s time to work on our manners.


Airing Dirty Laundry

Airing Dirty Laundry

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How to do laundry for dummies. And by that, I mean husbands.


Safety First

Safety First

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Complete my safety quiz. If you don’t, the authorities may take away your children.