3 Things You Should Never Do For Your Kids

Here’s where you need to draw the line.

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Comments (52)

(37) Barbara, June 30, 2013 6:15 PM

One more that I wish I had followed when my kids were younger--never do anything for them that they are capable of doing for themselves! When we do "too much" no matter how well meaning--we deprive them of developing skills and the joy that comes with achieving.

(36) Anonymous, June 30, 2013 3:32 PM

Any advise would be helpful

Up until he reached 17 none of those thing were a problem in my house. But the influence of school and friend with lazy parents has taken it's toll. He has become disrespectful and lie to get what he wants from me without thinking twice. He appears to have adopted the motto "it's better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission." This child has no father to correct the behavior and I feel like I am losing the battle. I want my good hearted respectful child back, but I don't know how to fight peer pressure.

Nigel, January 4, 2017 7:56 AM

A unique human tests the boundaries !

I am hoping you don't want your unruly child to become a photocopy of you.
You cannot demand respect ( or love). You can only earn it.
Your child is practising becoming an individual in his own right. Try anything new and we all make lots of mistakes as you will as a parent in this situation.
At the end of this process your child will be quite different from you even possibly with quite different core vales.
Everybody us entitled to their own individual core values. If they get that wrong, "karma" will demonstrate it to them - leave it to karma. Don't try and correct it yourself.
What can you do ?
You can state the things of which you are certain. Often times your child will rubbish it. Do not respond any further or get into any argument.
You have stated your case, "A", he has rubbished it "B". There will come a time when he will adopt A. When that happens do not claim authorship, just say well done as though it was his idea.
Praise him when he does well "Good". "That's nice" are all you need.
When he is contrary, just let it pass. Make nothing if it.
This way, you will be confirming the positive with your praise and diminishing the negative of contrary behaviour by your ignoring it.
You will find, in time, you will have regained a son you can be proud of.
Pstience !

(35) chana, June 30, 2013 10:00 AM

How to teach teenagers to be respectful

Any good advice as how to teach or remind teenagers to be more respectful and not to lie?
For the first decade of their lives they seemed to be o.k., but now after turning 13, all as changed (boys).
Thanks

(34) Anonymous, June 30, 2013 5:33 AM

disagree with let them choose their own friends

All of the idea are great, however the one about letting them choose their own friends does not seem to be correct. There are so many bad influences out there, that it behooves parents and teachers to wisely steer youngsters away from choices that will affect their charges negatively. At the same time, it is wise to somehow come up with a plan to strategically place good friends in their children's/students range.

(33) DW, June 29, 2013 3:26 AM

Children grow up and become parents

If a child shows disrespect it is because he has been treated with disrespect by an adult. If children feel safe & secure they know lying is wrong. At times you give a child what they want just because they want it because they have to know their feelings matter.

devora kresch, June 30, 2013 4:34 AM

true to the tee.children are tselem elokim and need to be respected too

(32) Anonymous, June 28, 2013 7:52 PM

I agree with you totally. I have noticed recently in the last 15 years that Jewish parents do not discipline their kids on how to behave in public. the mothers let their children act like wild animals turned loose. I know they are Jewish by the way they are dressed. parents need to discipline their children.my mom worked in a retail clothing store in Chicago & she complained about this very often.

(31) Samantha, June 28, 2013 7:38 PM

Why only 3?

Rabbi', your 3 points are well taken. However, why compete to see which 3 ideas are the best? Rather than suggest that your ideas are somehow better, would it not be more peaceful to refrain from competing and ADD your 3 to an already good list? A mere 3 ideas for healthy actions and boundaries between parents and kids seems way too small.

(30) gammarai, June 28, 2013 7:31 PM

want vs need

Affluence can be both a blessing and a curse. I think it is important to emphasize that children will get what they need but not always what they want. One way to send this message home is to be their role model. In a world with so many riches for the few, I want my grandchildren to recognize how lucky they are. One way to help them understand that having more is not a "value" is at birthdays. My daughter has initiated a no gifts policy for her children. While some gifts do arrive, a thank you is written, and most of them are re-gifted. The children have learned they do not need more. Having the word "enough" in one's vocabulary is a sure path to happiness and feeling blessed..

(29) R'A, June 28, 2013 6:51 PM

Just a start.

I am sure, and everyone else here is sure... that these 3 are just the basics to learn greater and better things later on. I agree with these 3 completely. If you do not have these 3 things then everything else you want to teach them will go out the window, if you really look at his 3 statements, then you will see how they will effect the important things in life.

(28) Bonnie Farkas, June 28, 2013 3:00 PM

agree

I wholeheartedly agree, especially with numbers 2 and 3. I am also shocked by what I hear some kids say to their parents. I tuaght my kids from a very young age to be respectful of me. I also didn't always give them what they asked for, and was honest about what I could afford. Lying is a bit trickier, because it is sometimes hard to know when a kid is lying to you.

(27) Rose, June 28, 2013 1:40 PM

parenting

How do you get a child to stop lying? Same way as you get them to stop slapping. You make the consequences of doing more disagreable than the outcome of not doing. You also explain at the child's current level of understanding why the behavior is not acceptable.
I know, sometimes you don't know if the child is lying. But many times you do know, or you can find out. This is why we are parents, to use our greater experience, wisdom and understanding to help them learn to be upstanding people. And yes, we should take the positive side when we can, and yes, we most definitely should be examples. That's the other reason to bepaents, to learn from our children the lessons we didn't quite master when we were children.
Why is saying "it's nice to see you" a lie? To some degree, you can be happy that the person is still alive, still able to get around, still healthy, etc. Nice is such a mushy word, it means almost anything. It would be disrespectful to say "I can't stand you," so we are nice to people we don't like as well as to people we do like. So maybe what's nice about seeing that person is your attitude and your behavior! But if it bothers you, find something else to say that is both respectful and non-commital,something you feel right about that isn't unkind. Anyway, I think children intuit the purpose of being polite and respectful even to people we may not cherish.
We are commanded to love our neighbor. This does not mean we must adore everyone. Rather, it means we treat all humans with dignity. We recognize the rights of others, and we even sometimes stand for the rights of others, not because everyone is admirable or pleasant to know, but because they are made in the image of the Divine. Ultimately, it is all about our Creator.

(26) Danny Frankel, June 28, 2013 10:10 AM

Rabbi Solomon doesn't get it....

Rabbi Solomon totally misunderstands the theme--reflected in the title-- of the original advice. These are things, like homework, that a parent shouldn't do for a child because the child should do it by himself. By substituting bromides about not telling lies, Rabbi Solomon subverts the intent & theme of this advice. The result is another misleadingly-titled Aish video full of platitudes. A waste of time!

(25) Shayna, June 28, 2013 7:57 AM

So what's the solution?

It is all well and good for the rabbi to preach "Never let them lie" and "Never let them be disrespectful," but when all the discipline, good examples, moral teachings, and years of therapy do not produce the required results, then what???

I have a daughter who was adopted from a foreign country at the age of one month. She was angry from the moment she was placed into my arms until the present day. She is now nearly 30, a mother herself, and continues to lie and be disrespectful. She was raised in our home with solid Jewish and societal values, but was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder as a teenager. After she reached her majority, we were helpless to force psychological intervention or medication on her, and it never was fruitful when we could.

So, Rabbi Salamon, I beseech thee: how do concerned and loving parents carry out your wise, but in our case, flippant pronouncements?

(24) Anonymous, June 28, 2013 7:05 AM

Excellent

I wish I had seen this when my children were still young. If you don't start to instill these ideals when they are young, it is VERY difficult to do so when they are already teenagers. Parents - take this to heart! You are in charge, you make the decisions - not them.

(23) Dee, June 28, 2013 4:04 AM

agreed

Yes, not being disrespectful is number one. How about some other fundamental things that we hold dear? Never disrespect G-d, he is watching you. Never be unhappy.
My only concern is to saying never...I would turn it around and say BE nice, respectful to everybody, Follow G-d, respect G-d, respect yourself by doing right thing. As about lying, I think it's complicated. I think Rabbi Salomon should understand that kids lie to test parent's boundaries and is many time harmless. We lie too! . I lied today by saying someone "it's nice to see you" Kids need to learn nuances.

(22) Anonymous, June 28, 2013 2:43 AM

How do you get a child of any age to stop lying and to stop being disrespectful?

Isaac, June 28, 2013 2:51 PM

Read my comment #10

Resonse, June 29, 2013 6:03 PM

Lying should be looked at as habit, a bad one at that! What are the reasons a child would lie? Could it be out of fear of disappointing you? Retailiation against a sibiling due to the inability to defend themself, feeling powerless? Or the fear of the consequences for another behavior for example breaking an object they were specifically told not to touch? Maybe the fear of discipline? It may be one of these or several, each time you must continue to remain calm but expose it for what it is a lie and make the child bear witness. Children have feelings too, the embarassment of being exposed in a lie usually turns them around. Parents must be consistent and intolerate to lying or the mistatement of facts. This pertains to young children. However, pathological lying require seeking help, something else is going on in the background, remember your child complete well being is at stake. Older children who know better and lying is still being practiced. A parent needs to exert their demand on being truthful about everything and lying will not be tolerated by any circumstance. Using this philosphy that you love them no matter what may happen and being their duly sworn parent and protector, their very life or yours may depend on being truthful in deeds and actions. Put some food for thought in their brains! What you don't know leave it and starting today and going forward do not lie to me!

Response, June 29, 2013 7:16 PM

Here's part 2 to your question, The action of disrespect is to be shocking, to get your attention whether it be positive or negative. Calmly, you are to address the behavior. Make the child explain their behavior ask them, why are crying and screaming or yelling? They will tell you why, be firm explain why they can't have what they want and their behavior is unacceptable. At this point, you can offer that the child can earn it by doing an extra chore. Hitting or bad mouthing is never allowed! The right hand of felllowship is to be invoked immediately! Don't let it push your buttons because that's what it was designed to do. Parents allowed disrespect from a child, if they can get away with it, why not? I was born with asthma and as a child it was pretty bad. All types of scents, foods triggered an episode, even prolong crying. Of couse, I figured out that it was possible to get what I wanted by having a temper tantrum incorporated with long crying periods. Which ended up with a trip to the local ER. How long have I held my family hostage to my behavior? I don't know? One day, I was back to having a tantrum and my family was running around getting my inhaler and medicine. My grandmother went into the kitchen and got a pitcher of cold water and poured on me. I jumped up from the floor and exclaimed, "Grandma, can't you see I'm having an asthma attack"! You guess it I was having attacks to get what I wanted. I was already a sick child from birth and a lot of attention was doted on me. I still had asthma attacks but my rouse had been exposed. Maybe you may need to consider if the right hand of fellowship should be inposed. It is an attention getter that children understand. Each child is different, they are little adults it is up to us to groom bad chracter traits to good traits and good traits to great traits. My mom says this, children have time to think on a parent. You better have a plan for a child because a child has a plan for you!

(21) Anonymous, June 28, 2013 1:14 AM

I so agree with the Rabbi

The three things you should never do for your kids I did not agree with. What the rabbi said I totally agree with. His comment that the parent is still in charge I find so true but so many first time parents are so scared to say no to their children and it is destroying the children and their parents. As someone who is involved in raising a second generation of children I see the difference 20 years has made.

(20) Jaya, June 27, 2013 10:59 PM

Three important lessons

A wonderful presentation indeed and relevant . I find wastefulness tolerated as well as displayed by many, that should never be done . Some amount of dutifulness toward family needs to be encouraged by example as well as by instructions . I feel we need to beware of bringing up self absorbed people .

(19) Jan H, June 27, 2013 9:38 PM

I also agree,but....

I disagree with "let them choose their friends" even if it's not from the Rabbi. I was Always very careful about my children's "friends", and I am very glad I was. Remove the bad apples, they have a tendency to spoil the rest of the basket. And I agree with Laze, just saying 'no' isn't good enough, if the kid is old enough to want an Ipad, he/she is old enough to understand why he won't receive one. I live in Holland, My nephew needed a bicyle to go to school, but he secretly wanted a motorbike (vespa kind). My cousin (who is well off financially) went with his son to the cycle shop. There where bicycles and motorbikes. So my cousin asked the salesman 'how much does that bicycle cost ? The salesman answered 200 euro. So my cousin gave two hundred euro to his son and said "if you want a motorbike, all you have to do is work to find the rst of the money"

(18) Leah, June 27, 2013 9:23 PM

Excellent Article

I enjoyed this timely article. I agree completely. When my daughter was small, I would wait for her to calm down and explain why I made some of the unfavorable decisions, that they were an act of love for her. I would also like to add that our children and the children of others learn volumes by observing our behaviors. If we are modest in all behaviors including vocabulary and spending habits, that has a greater influence than words that we say. When my daughter was in university, she thanked me for being "so hard" when she was an acting out adolescent. Raising our children is our most important job. I think parents need to learn as much as possible. All the best! :-)

Anonymous, June 28, 2013 1:37 PM

Agreed

I totally agree. Just saying "no" or "have respect", etc. is not enough. Children need to understand why. Waiting until they calm down is also important or they won't "hear" you. You also need to model good behaviour to your children (eg accepting a task or situation you don't like without complaint). I often said to my kids, "I may say no or I may say yes if you ask politely. I will alway say no if you whine." I also, once in a while, changed my mind. I taught them that I would listen to a good argument and reconsider (not every time, of course). Finally, I always told them to blame their parents when they didn't want to do something that would lead to trouble ("Sorry, my Mom said no I can't go to the party."). My daughter thanked me for that. Both kids graduated from university, neither smoke or do drugs, both are hard working and kind. I think they will both make fine parents. Bring on the grandchildren!

(17) Anonymous, June 27, 2013 8:45 PM

Kids can make you or break you

I am so glad that I am not raising kids now. It was hard enough back in the nineties, and then too there was plenty of pressure for kids to conform. That was before everyone had a cell phone, I pad or tablet. The nineties was about the time, that the attitude of schools started to change in favor of keeping the child happy. When I went to school, the teacher's word was law, and I was afraid to tell my parents if I was reprimanded. Also, if a parent gave a child a well deserved smack, and I do not approve of hitting, but if it was appropriate, oftentimes it helped. Now the child will either call the police or child welfare, and who knows what can happen. Today, the parent comes to the school and demands that the teacher be removed, and they are! This is sometimes without even hearing the teacher's side. This is especially true, in yeshivas where the competition for students is so fierce. Why is it also, that back in the day kids did not seem to have as many "issues" as they do now. We had our share of learning disabled and struggling children, but today every other kid has something, and I am sure that a lot of it starts in the home. Why does every child in a family have to have his or her own room, so that a house needs five bedrooms? Whatever happened to sharing a room? It is the parents who instill this into the kids and spoil them rotten, and then don't understand "what happened." It is also that parents many times can't be bothered by their kids and a nanny raises them. But to be fair to parents, this is a very tough society, and a tougher world. Competition on all levels is fierce. So again I say, I am glad I am not raising children today.

(16) Anonymous, June 27, 2013 8:40 PM

Three Things You MISSED!

1. Never stop showing them you love them.
2. Never stop showing them you love them.
3. Never stop showing them you love them.

(15) max, June 27, 2013 5:52 PM

Never make them financially independent just because they are getting married and you want to set them up.When you get to old age, and you may need some help, but they are too used to the 'good-life' and their thinking will be "what have you done for me lately'.

(14) chava, June 27, 2013 5:38 PM

Not all lies are bad

I read somewhere (I never remember where I read things) in a Jewish related article, that one really should redefine "lie". If I'm asked, "What do you think of my new dress?" and I think it's hideous, I won't say that. If someone says to me, "Isn't my fiancee the most beautiful in the world," and I don't think so, I won't say that. The article I read spoke of truth as having to do with peace. Sometimes telling a lie about why you're not going to a simcha saves feelings. These are lies, but, I think, they're not bad.

Yisroel, June 27, 2013 7:14 PM

All LIES are bad

The Gemara says you may be "meshaneh diburo" - change your words, not lie. "That dress flatters your figure" or "Wow! Very vivid colors!" might work better. If she's your close friend & she's embarrassing herself, be a true friend and tell her. "Your fiancee is truly beautiful!" Well, maybe not on the outside, but every fiancee is "na'eh va'Chasudah", probably in numerous ways. "I am SO happy for you & your wife, & I will make every appropriate effort to get to your simcha!" Anything more, you must ask a she'aila...

JB Destiny, June 27, 2013 8:27 PM

Be honest

There's a difference between honesty and the whole truth. In the examples you give, you can find something honest to say, like, "That is a bold print!" with a smile or just "It's definitely you!"; or "Your fiancee has such a great smile"; or "I have a prior commitment." Being truthful doesn't mean vomiting out every thought you have with the excuse of "I'm just being honest!" Reserve actual lying for when it's needed to save a life or a marriage or a friendship - and then only if there is really no truth you can hold to.

Chagit, June 27, 2013 11:51 PM

I agree

I agree with Chava. I think the "no lie tolerance" concept is sometimes taken to an extreme that even Torah wouldn't agree with as we are taught there are times when one is not only allowed to lie but should lie, such as when it affects shalom bayis and in situations where telling the truth will cause humiliation or embarassment

(13) Laze, June 27, 2013 4:32 PM

Missing the point

While I agree that kids should not lie, should be respectful of people as appropriate and should not receive everything their heart desires, using a method of "simply saying no" is counter-productive. The dictator approach is wrong and kids just like adults need to understand why something is appropriate or inappropriate so they can come to the "no" conclusion on their own. Of course this is the rule and there are certainly exceptions but the bigger issue is the lack of communication and time that parents are willing to invest to build values and character in their kids.

Ari, June 27, 2013 10:36 PM

Saying yes, while saying no.

- Can I go to the mall with Becky? Sure, just as soon as your room is clean. - Can't I clean it after? You can go to the mall, after your room is clean and the hallway is vacuumed. No problem. - Wait, can't I just go first? I didn't say no, but I can drive you after your bed is cleaned, the hallway vacuumed and I check your math work. Of course we can take you to the mall afterwards. - Wait, you said bedroom first? Yes, but everytime you asked, you sounded bored, so it helped remind me of things to keep you from being bored. Will you be done in an hour or need more to do?

(12) Steve, June 27, 2013 4:26 PM

very good!

good list & good comments.

(11) Jerry E., June 27, 2013 3:54 PM

I agree, BUT<

It is bec oming more difficult to inculcate these values in a society that undermines them at every turn.Technically, any kid can make a complaint against a parent, and our Progressive" agencies can make life a nightmare for decent paretnts who stand for these fundamental values.Yours are the real values, the other three, from the article, are so much less fundamental.

(10) Isaac, June 27, 2013 3:45 PM

Effectiveness is in the approach taken.

I agree on all 6 points. BUT children tend to do as you do, not as you say.
E.g. if you lie, or do not keep your promises to them, you teach them to lie.
Another example, if you are disrespectful to them no matter what you say, or if you intimidate them to do your will, they will grow up being disrespectful to others.
The fruit does not fall far from the tree. If you want your children to behave properly, you must first improve yourselves.

Channah, June 28, 2013 3:12 PM

Good advice!

You could not be more accurate.....

(9) Susan, June 27, 2013 3:40 PM

good advice

I have a various ages of kids some are now adults, the first 2 things I did and would agree with wholeheartedly. It is always a big deal to lie and a big deal to be disrespectful in my house. This has proven very effective in having loving and mutual respectful relationship with our kids. We also try to instill a work hard ethic and that nothing is free. The 3rd thing to never give them what they want, If I'm understanding what the video is saying, it would be never give them what they want if they are not ready for it or it is not wise or healthy for them. Also, maybe they can have it, but they need to work for it. As a loving parent, I want to give my child that special doll for her birthday if I am able because I want to give good gifts to my children. Right?
I also agree with the other commenter: to teach them from their birth about their Heavenly Father.
Their is so much to parenting there would be a lot to add, but as a basic '3 things', these are a must.

(8) sandra Castrini-Catalano, June 27, 2013 2:52 PM

Rabbi Salomon has wise words.

I would add only one thing. Make sure your children have a religious foundation from birth. This will help them understand the temporal things as well as the spiritual.
Today, we all need hope. Children who do not have a religious foundation will be without hope when a crisis arises.
This was a great video.

(7) Anonymous, June 27, 2013 1:41 PM

Yea for #2!

Parents should absolutely require their children to be respectful, but they have to be willing to put in the time and effort educating their children about what that means. And sometimes it means not coddling your child with a sweet voice but laying out expectations clearly, "I am Mom/Dad, and your tone of voice is not acceptable. Try it again appropriately." This also applies to people who are not their parents. If a child is allowed to treat adults as their peers rather than as adults, why should their actions reflect any proper respect? Yes, there are times when an adult's behavior is not to be respected, and that is when a different, respected adult who can assist and guide the child will be invaluable. An adult is meant to be the guide, not the peer.

(6) saro, June 27, 2013 5:11 AM

cool

question: is it valid for couple as well...? let me rephrase it: do you think this concepts can be extended to pear-to-pear relationships? well... something to think about...

(5) Scott in Texas, June 26, 2013 6:02 AM

Good start, go to the source of your three ...

Thank you Rabbi! To summarize, teach your kids: 1) do not lie, 2) do not covet (or indulge it in your kids by buying them everything they ask for), and 3) (very important for kids) honor your parents (authority figures). 3 of the Ten Instruction for Living. However, this misses THE most important two upon which all ten are based (if your kids know these two, the rest follows - 1) Love the Lord, your G*d, Ha Shem, with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind (if they get this one down, the rest become easier), and 2) love your neighbor as yourself (you don't have to even like your neighbor, in fact, if you don't, it makes this one, all the more valuable).

(4) sara, June 24, 2013 7:00 PM

Don't agree with #3

....of the 1st list. Who your kids spend time with has a big impact on them. I don't see anything wrong with choosing their friends. Obviously very carefully & depending on the child's age & your relationship.

Anonymous, June 25, 2013 11:36 PM

Agree with Sara

Who your kids hang out will make a HUGE impact on who they are as a person, and where they will head in life, in terms of accomplishments. It is crucial that you tell your kids that they are hanging out with someone who is a bad influence and try your best to (gently) remove them from that person/group ASAP so they make the right choices in life.

Pnina, June 27, 2013 3:42 PM

Reply to Sara

I don't think choosing their friends is wise - I agree with the Rabbi. HOWEVER, I think it's important that you know who their friends are - all of them. And only then, if you feel a particular friend is inappropriate, take steps, by talking with your child, and explaining to them why they should not keep up the friendship. If the explanation is good enough, the child will mull it over, and do as you say. To chose from them, they will never learn what are acceptable qualities in friends, and what are not - they need to learn that!

(3) Scott, June 24, 2013 7:20 AM

Things.

I like his list. Especially the last one about not giving them things simply because they want them. When I read some of the questions parents ask the family Q&A a recurrent theme is my kids are angry that their friends have certain things and they don't. Well that's life.

Everything, including people, has to have a purpose. We as humans all have limited resources-time, money, attention, sanity, etc. and life is about allocating these resources among competing needs and wants and objectives. Successful people (and I'm not talking about monetary success-that's simply a competing objective) allocate scarce resources among these things based on higher values to achieve specific goals based on those values. They don't want an iphone because they want an iphone. They want an iphone because the $400 and the time it takes to earn $400 is well spent on what an iphone can do to advance their value driven goals. One of which may simply to enjoy it because that enjoyment helps preserve their sanity. But only so much can be about that.

Asking children why they need something is key. Teaching them the difference between "I want" and "I need" is key. Teaching them about purpose is key. Letting them know that every thing involves value driven choice is a key. And asking them to sacrifice something else (time, other toys, their own savings) to get something that is a want rather than a need teaches value.

Denying kids things they want and you can supply simply because you think it teaches a lesson about standing alone or not being material is foolish in my opinion. There are people with everything that are still great people. There are people with nothing that are terrible-especially those that take pride in having nothing and feel superior because of their self-deprivation.

Teaching kids how to value things is the greater lesson. Because in that they they learn to value themselves.

Yehudith Shraga, June 25, 2013 8:05 AM

Teaching is the Key

Thank you for sharing your most profound insight, because the parenting is not about making any list, but is about the constant teaching our children the Wisdom of Life, for this matter one has to learn a lot him/herself, and not always from the parenting blogs. If a parent has no clear understanding of what this life is about and what is the purpose of being in this world, it is very difficult to be a good parent and so, there come all kind of advices and lists, which may be good for other cases, but as we all are unique, each child needs his own program of education and it is what makes being a parent so difficult, because it is never a good book on parenting or the most adequate list of preferences, it is always day to day soul work, by learning first what is really the best for your child, and not what most suits us, then looking for the ways to help him reach the optimal way of growing without being dictator, and many other challenges a parent meets if he/she chooses to become a real parent. I once heard a very interesting "tip", which said, that our children are the souls which are entrusted to us for their education. And the best education comes through our own example, as we know, which makes us even in the harder position, because it is easy to say, but not easy at all to do. G-d bless all the children and parents of Israel and of all the other nations and let us fulfill our duties in the most optimal way we are gifted by the Creator to do. It isn't easy to be a parent, not at all !

Anonymous, June 25, 2013 11:08 AM

To poster #3, Scott--I LOVED your response!

(2) SusanE, June 24, 2013 2:24 AM

3 Things

I agree with your three things Rabbi. and I agree with the three things in the article. I would add for a child and into the teen years. 1. Never make excuses for your childs behavior, let your child be responsible for his own actions. 2. Give an agreeable, reasonable allowance, but make it clear it's not payment for his chores. 3. I agree that you should never allow disrespect towards parents and family.

(1) ross, June 23, 2013 3:44 PM

3 more

1. Never let them say, "I'm stupid" or "I hate myself".
2. Never let them brag about their accomplishments in front of any other kids, including siblings. (Teach them to be tznius in this regard).
3. Never let them see you watch a video blog about parenting. (See, Daddy? You really DON'T know how to handle me, do you?)

 

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