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July 7, 2007
January 4, 2008 9:43 AM
This video changed my life.
I don't really believe in life changing, mind numbing experiences. However, I had my equivalent of one as a result of this piece. I have suffered for a long time with the pain of childhood experiences. I have spent many years saying "because of you..." This piece game me the courage to forgive, forget and move on.Thank you Lori,Jason
December 21, 2007 6:46 PM
It is in denial that healing is denied. You can't just brush deep hurts under the rug. They have to be addressed even if it is only to discover that is is "because of you". Then when you acknowledge real hurt the healing process can begin. Some people were so badly hurt & neglected emotionally that they wouldn't even know how to begin to put those wheels on there car. The basics of living were never taught to them in their dysfunctional homes. We need to stop judging those who say they are hurting & start helping them to heal......just putting a smile on & acting like nothing ever happened never healed anyone that I know of. Anyway, just my thoughts.
July 15, 2007 2:00 AM
Two Different Circumstances
I think Lori, whose advice is very good, is talking about circumstances that are different in the song. Looking at the song lyrics, it appears that the woman did suffer quite a bit of emotional abuse from her mother. The lyrics represent circumstances that are not simply growing up in a normal household, the 90 percent that Lori mentions.I want to point this out because there are many returning to Torah who do come from abusive families. I don't think Lori understood the lyrics to the song. For some, it's not easy to just "put wheels on the car." The emotionally abused child--now living in an adult who is returning to Torah--must be addressed and not simply told to "put wheels on the car." In the highly acclaimed books "Inner Torah" and "Practical Inner Torah," the author, Miriam Millhauser, shows clearly that it is okay to look at your past and say, "Because of you, because of x,y,z, I now have these problems, this outlook, these habits." If we don't find out where our bad habits come from and if we don't try to address our emotional child within us, we will simply be putting mitzvot and halachah on top of a weak foundation--not a good recipe. There certainly are times when we need to say, "Because of you, because of this," etc. Then we know where to start in beginning the true healing process. I recommend the Inner Torah books to anyone interested in wanting to learn how to become intimately aware of yourself, the Inner Torah that Hashem gave each of us to know and to work on all our lives.
July 12, 2007 10:21 AM
your right on!!
You're absolutely right!! It's understandable to say "because of you when your 10 years old but WE need to stop blaming others for our choices and decisions that we make in life. I guess that's part of realizing who you are, where you came from, and that there is a wonderful awesome creator, almighty God, that is waiting to hear from us, and he will show us the way to understand how to live, and be happy and take responsibility for the choices that we make in life. Who's in control of how you feel?? You! Who can always make it better? GOD!!! I love you Lori, you've helped me realize allot! Even those that have been abused, can understand that "we" can be in control of everything we do, and how we think, if we trust in Gods word to help guide us, our every move, and our very thoughts, we'll be ok! God bless you! See ya next year at the wall!!!!!!!
July 12, 2007 2:51 AM
We have free choice and can choose what path to take. We can either do something or do nothing. And if we do nothing, it's nobody's fault but our own
July 11, 2007 7:18 AM
lyrics - blame Mom for inability to love
Lori:below are the lyrics. I have had numerous discussions with my daughter about this hideous song! It sounds like she is blaming her mother for everything, but reading the lyrics it seems she blames her mother for her inability to connect to anyone else or trust, etc. Apparently, the complaint is that her mother was such an emotional wreck and so weak that she was hurt all the time, so now the daughter makes sure not to get hurt. We actually make fun of the song and go on to more and more absurd blaming. It's especially destructive because of who her audience is.Thanks for your article.I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did You fell so hard I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe sideSo I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laughEvery day of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I watched you die I heard you cryEvery night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry In the middle of the night For the same damn thingBecause of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid Because of youBecause of you
July 10, 2007 11:58 PM
how sad but true it is that people are always out to put the blame, but when they are to blame, they don't take it. we all can learn from this. thank you lori!
July 10, 2007 11:11 AM
Never too late
I'm 87 years old. Just wish that I had seen your article 50 years ago, Thank you. Norma
July 8, 2007 8:36 PM
The person who is blaming should take a good, hard look in the mirror and take responsibilty. Good lesson for all to learn, especially my students.
July 8, 2007 10:46 AM
This is great!!
What a fabulous analogy!! Lori, we've never met, but nevertheless, you're my personal mentor.Thank you!!
July 8, 2007 7:10 AM
Blaming others can be easier than acknowledging our own mistakes - if we sought direct, personal responsibility there would be less of the blame game going around and other worldly conflicts. Rabbi Soloman came out with a similar video on "The Blame Game" on aish.com a few weeks ago regarding the DWI wreck that killed a famous baseball player, where his father was suing others involved instead of taking personal responsibility which was enveloped in the loss of his son driving drunk and wrecklessly on the highway.
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