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YAAKOV SALOMON'S NEW BOOK, SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Some people are funny. Some are insightful. Some are cynical. Some find a humorous touch in everything. Others find irony. Some write beautifully. Few people do them all as well as Rabbi Yaakov Salomon does. Entertaining, inspiring, astute, he has the uncommon ability to look something to give us pause and make us think. His new book, Something to Think About , gives us just that -- with a healthy dose of wit and charm. Click here to order.

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Published: August 18, 2007

Visitor Comments: 10

(9) Fernando Ocumare, September 9, 2007 11:05 PM

Dear Rabbi Salomon,
I totally agree with you. I have three kids of my own, including a teenage daughter; it's not easy but, I know for a fact that if you pay attention to what they say and ask; if you create a safe place for them to come and talk and express themselves; with you first, not with a friend or stranger but you, and you remain receptive to their questions and ideas and doubts; things will get better. It takes time and patiente; also the full participation and cooperation of your spouse; both of you have to be on the same page, synchronized on becoming the shelter they seek in those hard and confusing times. You have to become their source of wisdom, you have to encourage them to choose wisely by letting them know how valuable and smart they are. You have to show them that it's not the end of the world when things go wrong, when they get a bad grade or when they feel confused about any subject...Just let them know that you love them and the most important thing,,, There's a G-D that loves them....

Fernando Ocumare

(8) DR Thomas M. DiResta, August 27, 2007 5:06 PM

I have personally experienced the phenonema of self mutilation in my immediate family, & only by the good grace of Hashem was a tragedy averted; more exposure to get the message to all teens is needed, thank you---Tom

(7) Anonymous, August 26, 2007 3:52 AM

Thank you taking on such a tough and unpopular topic.

(6) Anonymous, August 26, 2007 3:51 AM

(5) Amalia, August 22, 2007 10:39 PM

An age old problem

One of the biggest problems with self injury, sadly, is how old and cross cultural it is. I hate to say it, but I think its a natural (albeit tragic) human tendency. Young men from Kham (eastern Tibet) frequently burn their hands with cigarettes instead of crying after a break up, loss of a friend, or death. Certain native american tribes mourn the death of a friend or family member by slicing the arms, legs or face. Self mutilation crosses all boundaries, and it is always when people can't seem to properly express their pain, or aren't listened to when they try to. What to do? it's hard to tell. My recomendation would be for parents to listen to their children, and occasionally, let their children let it all out...let them sob if they need to, talk openly even if it hurts...because cutting hurts a lot more

Anonymous, February 13, 2012 5:31 AM

Cutting is a way to prove to yourself that your still alive!

I myself was/am a cutter. It is an addiction and it is very hard to break! There are different skills one can learn to distract themself from cutting but the majority of the time it comes from feeling an intense either scary, sad, angry, or confusing emotion and not knowing how or being able to get it out by verbal expression. Dance is another way to get it out without needing to verbalize pain because that can be hard especially if their is confusion involved. I would reccomend to all cutters out there!!! first keep in mind that all emotions and urges pass... so if an emotion is too intense to think about then grab your ipod or radio, etc and dance your soul out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 seriously let loooseeee!!!! and it also helps to cry.. and prayyy but dancing has helped me alot!!!!! good luck!! <3

(4) Ellen, August 21, 2007 1:01 PM

Yes, but

Point well taken about teenagers needing more attention from hyper-busy parents. However, also look at what *kind* of attention the parent would give. I wanted less attention from my hyper-critical, judgmental, controlling parent. More attention is only helpful if it is helpful attention. The solution? Parents need to slow down BUT they also need parenting guidance and they need some unconditional love themselves, otherwise why do you think they are overstuffing *their* empty lives? Works both ways. Every parent needs a mentor or at least a good parenting class (mandated by law).

(3) stephen collins, August 21, 2007 12:35 PM

dear jews
i am from N.ireland my country has the highest selfharm rate in the world this is due to the war we have seen the older jews must bring peace to the young people or this problem will get worse beleave me work for peace

(2) Fernando Ocumare, August 20, 2007 12:14 AM

SAFE PLACE TO GO !!!!

Dear Rabbi Salomon,

I totally agree with you. I have three kids of my own, including a teenage daughter; it's not easy but, I know for a fact that if you pay attention to what they say and ask; if you create a safe place for them to come and talk and express themselves; with you first, not with a friend or stranger but you, and you remain receptive to their questions and ideas and doubts; things will get better. It takes time and patiente; also the full participation and cooperation of your spouse; both of you have to be on the same page, synchronized on becoming the shelter they seek in those hard and confusing times. You have to become their source of wisdom, you have to encourage them to choose wisely by letting them know how valuable and smart they are. You have to show them that it's not the end of the world when things go wrong, when they get a bad grade or when they feel confused about any subject...Just let them know that you love them and the most important thing,,, There's a G-D that loves them....

Fernando Ocumare

(1) Anonymous, August 19, 2007 7:28 PM

B"H, someone has broached this subject!!!

Thank you, to Rabbi Salomon, for bringing Self-Injury (SI) out of it's dark corners! It's about time that therapists, rabbeim, doctors, teachers, parents, family members and friends become aware of SI.

It is a cry for help--a way of feeling painful feelings or not feeling them. For some, it is the only way they can escape the deep emotional turmoil that dwells within them. People cut, when words fail them.

People who self-injure should not be made to feel ashamed of their behavior, nor should they be avoided because of it. In fact, as Rabbi Salomon said, these kids need the attention that they cannot ask for with words. They need, and deserve to be reached-out-to, cared for, nurtured and taught a healthier way of managing their feelings.

SI is reaching epidemic proportions in the frum community. Let's not hide our eyes and pretend that it doesn't happen to "our people." It does. And it is. And it might be happening to your own child, as you read this.

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About the Author

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

More by this Author >

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions. He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.

Rabbi Salomon is co-author, with Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of the best selling book "What the Angel Taught You; Seven Keys to Life Fulfillment," (Mesorah), and is also the co-producer of the highly-acclaimed film, "Inspired."

Click here to order Yaakov Salomon's new book, Salomon Says: 50 Stirring and Stimulating Stories.

In these marvelous stories -- brimming with wit, understanding, a touch of irony and a large helping of authentic Torah perspective -- we will walk with a renowned and experienced psychotherapist and popular author through the pathways of contemporary life: its crowded sidewalks, its pedestrian malls, and the occasional dead end street. This is a walk through our lives that will be fun, entertaining -- and eye-opening. In our full -- sometimes overfull -- and complex lives, Yaakov Salomon is a welcome and much-needed voice of sanity and reason.

His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.

Stop the Cutting

Helping your teen eliminate self-injury.

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