What makes you lose your cool? Is it really worth it?

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Comments (23)

(23) juan, January 1, 2014 11:03 PM

Yes exactly. thank u lori. i get angry and upset when people lose their temper and are smart alecs towards me. i mean theres no need to have attitude towards me and others. what i may to realize is that im self centered and self absorbed. ive just been inconvenienced by peoples attitude and now theyve ruined my day. its not about me. theres so much injustice out there that merits my attention

(22) Anonymous, October 5, 2009 5:02 AM

This Helped Me!

Lori, I am secular but stumbled onto this web site during the High Holidays. This concept in this video has really helped me! I tend to get angry very quickly, but now I step back, realize my anger is coming from self-centeredness, gain perspective, and move on. This has been working for me for a full week and I think it will keep working. Thank you for making a difference in my life!

(21) Iris Moskovitz, July 7, 2009 2:43 AM

Very good subject to think about

Lori, you are so right.Life is simply too short to hold grudges over little things. I have several pet peeves, but am trying not to allow them to make me miserable over them. There are some things that make me get upset , but I am learning to see how foolish it is. The person that is annoying me with a certain annoying attitude or behavior is totally unaware of it,and will not change. I, on the other hand, continue to feel a sence of dislike towards the person, and am only harming myself-both emotionally and doing an avera of "disliking "a fellow Jew. As you said, it is my problem, and I need to work on the behavior of letting people live the life they choose to live, and I live my life that suits me well. Differant strokes for differant folks I guess.

(20) Rachel, May 9, 2009 3:40 PM

My eyes are open

Lori, I'm sitting here Motze Shabbat and I have been angry ever since yestorday afternoon. I got into a fight and I am not rethinking what happend and how I can repare the relationship. Thank you for taking the time to make such an important video. My eyes are now open! Rachel

(19) Bob Zinner, May 8, 2009 12:44 PM

Lori captures it all in almost live.

Thanks Lori.I am so proud of Aish and the work you do for the Jewish people.The almost live comes alive when you come on the screen. Good Shabbes.

(18) Andria, May 7, 2009 1:14 PM


Thanks once again for a wake up call. Blessings.

(17) Baruch, May 6, 2009 9:31 PM

I don't know who you are...but I have lived 63 yrs with an anger problem....thank you for the cure...Now, I have to take daily doses of your medicine for the rest of my life...thank you and may G'd never...ever get angry at you...

(16) Susan Morse, May 6, 2009 6:22 PM

wow!!! that was fantastic it really made me sit back and think of all the things that make me angry and you are so right it is all about! great article

(15) Annie, May 6, 2009 6:05 PM

what makes you keep your cool?

the point is we all have something that 'makes us' lose our cool, it's not about kids voices, or sexy voices, it's about 'whatever', so these are the obstacles in life, finding out what our fears are and then spending the rest of our lives overcoming them, so when we question ourselves, we begin to reword/rephrase these obstacles ie: why do I LET this get to me?, then slowly we begin the process of growing up, maturing, becoming wise, etc. But for those of us who want to grow faster, better, humbler, etc., Torah Talmud allows us to fast track! It works when you work it. And Avoda Zorah does not go away, but you can overcome it much easier with Torah practice.

(14) malka, May 6, 2009 11:21 AM

good point

You make a good point about looking at what we get angry at and thinking about whether it is important or not. I agree, little petty things are not so important to be upset over. We should use that energy for signifcant things

(13) Ashley Bell, May 6, 2009 3:33 AM

Anger Is Something Else

I think anger is a mask for an unexpressed, unmet expectation. I think anger is a rejection of vulnerability. ('If I express my anger I will lose control. When I lose control people can't see that deep down I'm really scared & vulnerable') Anger is resentment at being human, I think.

(12) ruth housman, May 5, 2009 5:12 PM

anger vs annoyance

I was thinking, there is a slight difference between these two words. I am not sure that all the examples were about "me" but rather, some were about thinking about others. Such as, the empty toilet paper holder. To replenish it has to do with another's thinking about "others". There are surely ways to reframe this. Maybe it's about disappointment too, that others might need to learn a lesson about thinking about others, especially those we're close to. About idols: The aural equivalent is idle and sometimes I think we're all on idle, meaning we don't take time to do things, even the little things, for each other. Sometimes it's plain laziness. As to the BIG THINGS, like poverty, the need to care for our environment, the need to support those among us who are ill, well, maybe we SHOULD pick our battles and there is of course, justifiable anger at the way things are, and then, I would hope it's the kind of anger that mobilizes, as you write. Anger is one of the "E" MOTIONS and if it does its proper job, and is used for this reason, judiciously, it can power change.

(11) Shmuel Zev, May 5, 2009 4:36 PM

Your Choice

The title of this video is incorrect. Things do not get you angry. Rather, you choose to get angry at things. If you look at your anger the latter way, the implication is that you can decide not to become angry. Try it!

(10) Jonnie, May 5, 2009 3:36 PM

Hearing Kids' Voices Make You Angry?

Lori, you're a mother. You should enjoy kids' voices no matter whose they are. Yes, even on a voicemail. Love your neighbor-you think your kids are cute so do others. Love them like you love yourself. And love kids.

(9) Anonymous, May 5, 2009 10:07 AM

You're so right!

I never thought of it that way! I agree with all your pet peeves too and I thought it was an interesting take on why it rocks our boat. Thanks!

(8) nili couzens, May 4, 2009 11:38 AM

how to skip the recorded message!!

Lori, press # (pound) and you will skip the recording and get right to the beep. Thanks for the class, great as always!

(7) Chaiah, May 4, 2009 10:28 AM

Thank you. Excellent. When my husband died and I had to go on as mother of a large family, I learned to "keep a poker face" (hide my feelings), to survive. Unfortunately, I think I also learned not to feel my feelings. Your comments on getting angry at injustice reminded me that there is a time and place to use anger constructively.

(6) Mary, May 4, 2009 1:31 AM

I usually agree with Lori.

I get angry when my computer fights me and locks me out of files that I am writing in and eats my files, or if the computer insists that its tasks are more important than my tasks and that I can wait. If all of us would express our dissatisfaction it might encourage the makers of the products to improve them or might encourage others to come up with products that have fixed the problems. Most products that we see in the US came about because someone watched what was happening and built a "better mouse trap."

(5) Yael, May 3, 2009 9:43 PM


Mrs. Palatnik, your post was Divinely sent to me. At my school this week, we spent every lunch hour talking about how we can improove ourselves during the omer and I was really struggling with my anger. It even felt as though I was getting angry at more people/things during this time. I really thank you for this topic you presented, beautifully said! :)

(4) Anonymous, May 3, 2009 7:05 PM

me too

Lori, I am so relieved!I thought I am the only person who does not like those greetings on people's answering machine. But seriously, you are right. I guess it does come from the selfish part of us. that's why I was embarrassed to admit it.

(3) NM Rosen, May 3, 2009 4:31 PM

resolving anger

Resolving anger all depends on what we expect to gain and accomplish from the issue in question. So, how do we know whether we're getting angry on the bigger picture in life?...Discussing politics and religion at the family dinner table with relatives and in-laws can result in folks screaming at each other on who's right and who's wrong...So, how can we differentiate issues from the small minutia to the larger scope of life? - Perhaps assuming life is just too short, then ideally, we should be angry less and forgive quickly, usually for such insignificant things that have us peeved. People either get irritated, while others have very few things that bother them. The key to avoid anger is probably having a good, positive attitude. After all, misery and having a positive outlook both have an almost equal impact on what goes onto others, because they can both be contagious.

(2) gershon, May 3, 2009 1:08 PM

Furious, angry or annoyed?

One thing that makes me furious is someone else's anger. Very few things make me angry. Like you, there are many everyday things that are annoying. I think few of them cause you anger. Anger is dangerous, to ourselves and to others. Annoyance is inevitable. There is a big difference.

(1) chava, May 3, 2009 11:44 AM

Do something.

Don't waste your energy on anger at injustice and pain and certainly not at the personal small stuff. Do something about it. (I know. Easier said than done!)


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