Constant Contact

A friend of mine showed me an ad for Constant Contact the other day. It’s an email marketing tool with some great applications for certain businesses. I was just struck by the name – Constant Contact. The idea made me shiver.

Constant Contact – is that healthy? Do we want that with anyone? We all love our children. We all like to be in regular contact with them. But constant? When they wake up in the middle of then night, we are usually not excited by the opportunity for further closeness.

Even our spouses. How many couples go a little crazy upon retirement? All of the sudden the husband, who was typically out all day, is constantly underfoot. “What are you doing now?” “How about now?” I don’t even like it when my husband’s office is closed for the day. And I’ve already warned him not to even consider retirement!

And that’s with our nearest and dearest. Nowadays we have the opportunity to be in constant contact with everyone we know or have ever known -- our whole extended family, including long lost relatives, all our work colleagues including our boss, people we went to college with, people we went to high school with, elementary school, even our first grade teacher…

Do we really want this?

I don’t mean to sound anti-social. Sometimes it’s nice to catch up with an old friend. My husband recently called his fourth grade teacher to say thank you (she pretended to remember him!). It’s nice to know the access is there.

But sometimes the constant contact, the unceasing noise leads to a loss -- a loss of downtime, a loss of thinking, a loss of processing, a loss of introspection.

There is no time left to figure out who we are or where we want to go. There is no time to evaluate our old goals and determine fresh ones. There is no opportunity to examine our relationships and see if they’re thriving or if they require improvement (they usually do!). There’s no time to appreciate the good we have, the gifts the Almighty has given us.

I don’t think constant contact is a good thing. We all need a little quiet space. We need to make a spiritual accounting and create new plans for growth. We need to think about our friendships, our marriages, our children. We need to evaluate our career choices and options. We need to stop and enjoy the beauty around us.

In fact I plan to do just that in one minute. Just as soon as I check my emails…

(13) Anonymous, November 18, 2009 8:01 AM

I have just recently recognized this constant contact in my own life. I am so busy with work and with home responsibilities, with volunteering for this and for that, with being so quick to say yes (mostly to my husband) because I want to please, that I have lost myself. I have not taken time out to think and process and reconnect with myself and with G-d. Thank you for sharing this bit of wisdom.

(12) Geoff Frisch, November 11, 2009 7:37 PM

Enmeshed boundaries

In psychological terms, constant contact is a symbol of enmeshed boundaries, which is not mentally healthy.

(11) Linda, November 11, 2009 7:22 PM

You're right, and when it comes to husbands

Before my husband retired,I had time to do my projects in the house. Once he retired, he remains on the couch, not good for vacuming. Or else he is adding his opinion to anything I want to change in the house. Now I'm adjusting to asking his opinion on things, (which keeps the tifs to a minimum) It really was easier to have the space to plan and do things I wanted to. and Kids? I want to see them once in a while, talk to them some, and not know all their business. I raised them to live their own lives, they don't need my opinion unless they ask me.

(10) Dvirah, November 11, 2009 3:51 PM

Constant Contact

While I fully agree with Mrs. Braverman that we don't need constant contact with everyone else and must have some alone time, there is one "person" with whom we would do well to remain in constant contact - G-D.

(9) mindi g, November 11, 2009 2:20 PM

my space

Thank you for expressing my sentiments. I thought I was the only one on this planet not constantly attached to something electronic. I cherish "my space" and that has nothing to do with a computer.

(8) Nkahana, November 11, 2009 10:07 AM

too true

This is something that always bother me when I attend an all women's performance or play, the mothers and wives in the audience have a phobia of shutting their cell phones off even though they've been asked to do it more than once. Is it so difficult to not be speaking to the family you left at home for just 2 hours or less? We have become so binded to technology that we have become slaves to it!

(7) AEF, November 11, 2009 5:37 AM

The name doesn't describe the company

I love you post and agree. HOWEVER - For clarity's sake, Constant Contact is nothing more then a very good tool to manage your email lists and send out great looking html emails. Not a way to be in "Constant Contact" with them. I know you never said it did or even implied it, the thought just occurred to you when you heard the name, however I just wanted to be clear.

(6) ruth housman, November 11, 2009 3:12 AM

plugged in

You are right. We are enjoying the gifts of being able to access each other so easily these days, but true access, the soul kind, is actually hard to achieve, and this is about another kind of communication. Often it's sole communication with God, with nature, with the beauty of our surrounds, and sometimes, even in the midst of all this chatter, we feel so alone, because making contact involves something more...

(5) CuriousStudent, November 11, 2009 1:38 AM

Meditation?

Do you recommend meditation as an opportunity to reflect?

(4) David, November 11, 2009 1:32 AM

I am sick of the constant garbage being emailed. I have a fair number of interests, business, academic, and recreational. More and more stuff keeps showing up in my email box. I am not talking about spam in the traditional sense. Most of it is from venders that I have done business at some point. I really do not like getting daily emails advertising some item they think that I might like. If I want it I will find it. Do not send me email. I had a business email account that I had to close at great expense because of all of the junk email. I was getting over 200 a day. I simply could not sort all of it and risk losing important things. Call me old fashion but I like to get catalogs. If I am looking for something it is nice to sit back and browse. It gives me some down time away from the computer etc. We are being constantly hit from all sides, getting away from it is very very important .

(3) Judah S. Harris, November 11, 2009 12:29 AM

Consistent

Constant is too much, but maybe we can change the term to consistent. Interestingly, I use Constant Contact, and as Constant Contact Business Partner, I help my clients do the same. We create newsletters and promotions and try to get the message out consistently and relevantly. In relationships, business, social, and family, we don't need constant, but we require consistent contact to keep the relationship special - and on the growth track.

(2) Bracha Goetz, November 10, 2009 11:50 PM

thank you

Thank you for this wise, funny - and liberating article!

(1) Anonymous, November 8, 2009 4:23 PM

i know that i feel the best about myself, the most secure, when i'm disconnected from the world. Moatzei Shabbos at a friends house with my cell still off at home, a sunday in the mall and my phone is dead in my pocket, or even when i leave it at home by choice-those are my best most free-feeling times. Those are also the best times for conversations with God and self-introspection. it's so so imprtant to have REAL alone time. time to disconnect from the world-which is hard to come by nowadays with cellphones and texting and everyone attached to them by the hip. Last night i was in the mall with a few friends and one of them (who had left her cell at home) pinpointed the feeling perfectly "It's so strange-i should feel lost without my phone, and i ussually do, but right now i feel so...free!"

Constant Contact

Do we really want this?

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