Video: Nitroglycerine

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Published: July 10, 2010

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Mrs. Lori Palatnik

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Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

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Visitor Comments: 15

(15) Helen Ferrieux, October 30, 2010 8:53 PM

Nytro in-laws!

Since I was a teenager I'd always promised myself that if one day I had sons, I'd welcome their girlfriends/wives with open arms. There's an old Jewish saying: a perfect mother-in-law keeps her purse open and her mouth shut. The second part is the more important. and the more difficult! Do you want your darling son to be happy? Then love his wife as much as you love him. Don't be jealous of her - it's a completely different relationship. And don't forget: she's the one who, when you're an old, incontinent crone, will decide whether to have you live with them, or bung you into an old folks' home ! ps My daughters-in-law tell people that I'm their best friend...

(14) Anonymous, July 14, 2010 11:45 PM

Thank you!

This article was like a sigh of relief. My sister-in-law has tested every patience button I have - she is not nice to me - and I've finally realized that it will never be the sisterly relationship I thought I would have in my married life. I found that lowering my expectations and yes, per this article, realizing that it's the "nature" of the relationship helps take the disappointment and stress out of the situation.

(13) D.K.Milgrim-Heath, July 14, 2010 11:09 PM

Nitroglycerine Destroying In-Laws Destroy At Any Time

Nitroglycerine Destroying In-laws Destroy Any Time By D. K. Milgrim-Heath©2010 Nitroglycerine destroying in-laws destroy at any time- They think you're totally worthless less than a dime. Two horrible, jealous nitroglycerine mothers-in-laws- Being power control freaks having so many flaws. Always a good daughter-in-law on an even keel- My in-laws exploded with me they were crazy for real. One being an alcoholic-drug addict you see- The other power controlled others emotionally. My ex's being scared of them they weren't strong- Bowing to their mommies always so scared along. I never bow to anyone that you'll might you know- God's the only one I bow down to so down I go. Now being much older I've strongly this advice- Think about future nitroglycerine problems twice! God helped me along heavily comforting me- Towards leaving my troubled marriages absolutely. Helping me tenderly always with His loving care- God showed me survival while I was hopeless there. So think twice before/after thoughts being wed- Nitroglycerine in-law problems make marital troubles ahead.

(12) Anonymous, July 14, 2010 4:45 AM

My sister in law is my best friend. It took several years for this to happen because I am so close to my brother that initially i was jealous. But over the years we are really best buds and I'm very grateful for that. The kicker is we share our first names. Thank for the reminder.

(11) tobywil, July 13, 2010 8:35 PM

great article, rarely do I hear any complaints about fathers-in-law

Your advice also applies to mother-in-laws, I have been told by a number of friends who are ,- they have great relationships with their daughters and daughters -in- law by my keeping their lips zipped up. Sealed. I had a great mother-in-law and loved her. My motto as a mother and mother in law -if I don't have anything nice to say, I keep my mouth shut. It usually works for me. My sister often says unsolicited advice is not welcome. She's right.

(10) , July 13, 2010 2:52 PM

Oi, my mother-in-law and ex MIL for decades now, was not ever a kind person. I defended my husband, her son to her and she told me to leave her house. :) To make a rather tedious story short, her son the psychopath, I left so many times that it always seemed like a revolving door. It has been since 1995 now and I doubt he will bother me again. His parents were rather hideous and once I met my father-in-law I new how damaged my ex-husband was/is. I don't know if I ever will take the plunge again. It would take a very kind and gentle knowledgeable Orthodox man to make it seem like the best step to take. I'll see because I leave all of that to G-d. He knows my needs for tenderness and closeness and sometimes it is just a warm, secure loving hug and a sweet kiss. It could sure start my day off better... so I pray and wait, study and wait. The answer will come from G-d and being in the right place at the right time. I always enjoy Lori's "Almost Live" and she certainly knows and if she doesn't she asks.... her husband. That is so tremendous. K

(9) Miriam, July 13, 2010 2:38 PM

Thank you

I presently have this nitro relationship with my daughter-in-law. It is very difficult but this video helps me to understand the man in the middle idea. How true it is for us. May I be able to understand this relationship from a much different perspective now. thank you Lori, you always have a lesson for me to learn by your videos.....

(8) Carl MN, July 13, 2010 2:23 PM

Nitro

Sorry, it's my sisiter-in-law's problem, not mine. I happen to be her brother-in-law. Otherwise, you're dead on!

(7) Isaac, July 13, 2010 2:10 PM

Lori, you are smart and i love to listen to your presentations.

(6) Cate, July 13, 2010 2:09 PM

Incorrect information

TMay has confused Chaim Weizmann and Alfred Nobel. Weizmann developed a process for the production of acetone, needed by the British to manufacture explosive propellants. Nobel did not develop nitroglycerin, but did create a method to produce and use it safely. The rest of TMay's story about the Middle East is, though greatly condensed and a bit garbled, essentially correct. As for the original subject here, I had an uneasy relationship with both mother-in-law and sister-in-law. My niece finally, on one occasion, apologized for her mother's behavior toward me. My two sisters and I adored our only brother, so she probably felt threatened by that. I was his spoiled much younger sister, undoubtedly causing more resentment. But in none of the relationships were there ever any fireworks or anything close to it.

(5) Subhash A Niyogi, July 13, 2010 1:52 PM

Man the reasoning creature

Well explained Lori! We are all susceptible to this philosophy, as if it is the law of nature. It isn't. We have inherited envy,jealousy,fear,revenge,insecurity with intelligence,sense of reasoning and devised justice to balance it. The relationship in humans is not confined to male and female but narrowed to man and woman. Nitroglycerine will exist till the last species of human being lives.We cannot shrug it off Lori.

(4) , July 12, 2010 4:53 PM

Always try to forgive and forget and not expect anything from anyone

(3) Rose, July 11, 2010 10:19 PM

I can't complain

Thank G-d that's not my case. I only have two brothers and I confess I am closer to my sisters-in-law than my brothers. I love them as my real sisters. We talk about everything. My husband only have sisters, 3, but unfortunatelly didn't have the opportunity to get too close because of the distance. And mother-in-law, never had a problem either. They always loved me, my current and all my ex-boyfriends' mother. So, thank G-d, I guess I am an exception.

(2) , July 11, 2010 1:07 PM

Very helpful, had experience with all three of those types of relationships

Thank you Lori. This is a good lesson. I have had tense situations with all three of these kinds of relationships, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and step-mother. It is good to know like you said that it is just something that we need to understand the nature of and to then try to manage carefully.

(1) TMay, July 11, 2010 7:39 AM

coincidence

I learned this week that nitroglycerine was the reason Israel got reestablished in 1948. Chaim Weizmann was a pioneer biochemist who came up with a way to develop nitroglycerine from materials in Britain during WW I that allowed Britain to win WW I and with that the collapse of the Turkish Ottomon Empire that had control over Palestine. As a reward Balfour worked with Herzl and with Chaim Weizmann to give the Jews Jewish Palestine from land that Britain got as a result of winning the war against the Ottomans who had been on the side of Germany. Weizmann became the first president of Israel, and founded the Weizmann Institute and helped to found Hebrew U. Britain also rewarded fthe Hussein family for helping them win World War I. They had fought with Col. T.E. Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia, and for the Husseins they carved out of the land they promised to the Jews a land they called Transjordan which later changed its name to Jordan and became independant in 1946. Britain also got land which it named Iraq. France got land they named Syria and Lebanon from the dead Ottomon Empire. Considering that the family ended up in control of Mecca in the Arabian peninsula, and king of Syria, and king of Iraq, and king of Transjordan, the Hussein family really cleaned up. But then the Saud family appeared and got the backing of the Wahhabi's and the Brits in their fight with Hussein in Arabia and renamed it Saudi Arabia and then oil was found by Americans, making the Sauds wealthy, and in the meantime the monarchies of Syria and Iraq were overthrown, leaving the King of Jordan. israel, Roman Empire, Byzantine Empire, Turkish Ottomon Empire, British Empire, Israel. Faisal had an agreement with Weizmann, and if the British had not made different agreements with Faisal and with France and with the Jews maybe there could have been peace. The Kurds really got shafted. The hist teaches to let 1 dept handle agreements and not let indiv's promise diff things in diff dirs.

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Nitroglycerine

Some relationships are inherently volatile.

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