Rabbi Weinberg’s Marriage Advice

What qualities did you see in your spouse when you first got married?

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Comments (7)

(5) nancy, July 20, 2013 6:16 PM

thanks

Thanks, I needed that!

(4) Anonymous, July 18, 2013 5:03 PM

Why did I marry Her?

Mrs. Lori Palatnik - Oh right you are!
But what about when one married a female person due to she was put in "shame" by the male person?

(3) Anonymous, July 18, 2013 4:55 PM

But what if they are NOT still true, or now you hate those qualities

OK but truth is sometimes people change so much that the original qualities you saw in the person that so attracted you are simply no longer there. It can happen. Some intelligent people simply never develop and get stupider as they get older, or the funny one who makes you laugh one becomes flaky, or a totally unfunny bore.

Or the original qualities that were so attractive are NOW the ones that make you most insane. I know plenty of people who adored their spouse's adventurous spirit and 20 years later it means they are unreliable and even dangerous, or loved their spouses cute little mannerisms that now make them wish they'd just grow up and act like adults.

Dvirah, September 21, 2013 5:46 PM

Also...

Sometimes the qualities that you thought the person had - or that the person pretended to have - turn out to be nonexistant.

(2) s, July 15, 2013 2:52 AM

I read somewhere that the purpose for these challenges is so that the couple can grow together. When single, a person can only reach a certain amount of potential. But when married, people grow so much more because of the challenges and working together to overcome the hurdles. The more effort, the stronger the relationship

(1) Yehudith Shraga, July 14, 2013 10:07 PM

Thank you for sharing

It is a nice message, but it sounds "it's better than nothing" anyway, and it really may drive a person crazy!

It is not only the problem of distraction due to issues and mess, but sometimes,it is the inability of a person to grow spiritually and to develop one's potential.

Of course, it is a great thing to help people to get along, BUT it may not be based only on the merits of the once relevant qualities of a person.
Yesterday's wonderful young woman, in nine month has to become a wonderful mother and still remain a wonderful wife, the same is true for a man, the role of the couple overturns in a moment, because, the moment before they were still newly married, now they are parents.
The moment before there was enough money for what they like so much, now it is a perspective of making the needs of a baby first, and may be of letting a young mom to stay with the child for a year.
The relationships are very dynamic and if somebody is not capable to fetching up with the unfolding reality, and becoming more and more bestowing personality,it is easy to say to concentrate on his/her primary virtues, than to follow this advice.
Divorce is not such a good choice, but sometimes it is the only choice to stay sane.

Remedy Hawke, August 20, 2013 1:30 AM

And even more so in cases where:

there is abuse and repeated infidelity - in my case with both men and women, right in front of my face - and inappropriate behavior with our children on his part. Oh, yes, let's not forget the dislocated jaw and the strangling me while he knew I was pregnant. More than once, over pettiness. I was very docile back then and very domesticated - which I am NOT now. Currently he does the same sorts of things with his 2nd wife and I can only guess regarding their kids. I am not to blame for his actions in the least. I did everything I was supposed to do.

 

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