Stop the Sarcasm

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Stop the Sarcasm

Teenagers everywhere beware. I heard a beautiful idea recently that is going to severely curtail your ability to communicate (no, it has nothing to do with texting!) There is no sarcasm anywhere in the Torah.

All the pre-eminent commentators agree that the very idea of speaking sarcastically was anathema to our forefathers. It was so totally inconsistent with their righteous character that it was inconceivable they would speak that way. Sarcasm is so dismissive and disrespectful of others that it would reflect such a lack of sense of their own dignity, a lack of recognition that we are created in the Almighty’s image.

Sarcasm is both cruel and undignified. It is not a form of speech befitting a Torah scholar or a righteous individual (or even someone who aspires to be a righteous individual). This includes eye-rolling, shoulder shrugging, muttering under one’s breath and all of the other ways in which adolescents express their dismissive attitude towards their parents.

But of course this isn’t limited to teens only.

Like profanity, sarcasm is a cheap laugh or an easy put-down. Outside of the parent-child relationship, it buys social status at the expense of the victims. It is unattractive yet has become all too common. Survivor-mode television shows require sarcastic hosts to gain higher ratings and comedians turn to sarcasm when witty repartee fails them. And of course, teenagers think they are oh-so-cool when they master a particularly clever (or so they imagine) sarcastic put-down. Like “I know you are but what am I?...” or something like that.

It is reflective, I believe, of the dumbing down of our society. And it is a reflection as well of the loss of dignity, of respect for each other, of a sense of the vast potential of the human being and the greatness available. If we truly walked around with the appreciation that we are created in the image of God, if we truly understood the gift of life the Almighty has given us and the vastness of the possibilities therein, we wouldn’t feel compelled to resort to sarcasm. And we certainly wouldn’t do it for some cheap laughs. Or at the expense of others.

If we understood what it is be created by the Almighty we would speak in way that is cultivated and considerate, that is both articulate and sensitive to the needs of others.

We make the mistake of thinking that sarcasm is a sign of precociousness, a clever, sophisticated use of humor. If we were truly wise, we would know that sarcasm is a limited and ultimately ineffective tool for communication. If we were truly wise, we would understand the need to use words appropriately – to nurture others, to uplift others, to create bonds with others – and to preserve our own dignity through carefully choosing our words.

Adolescents can be forgiven their fascination with the sarcastic. They are young. It will pass. They feel powerless and this seems like one of the only tools in their arsenal against their all-powerful parents.

But it should not be a habit that lingers. We know better. We are better. We deserve better. And so does everyone around us.

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Published: January 14, 2012

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Visitor Comments: 19

(12) Anonymous, January 19, 2012 4:15 PM

Lighten up

Come on, lighten up! There is a difference between sarcasm used as irony, banter, and satire, and sarcasm used as derision, contempt, and scorn. Sarcasm is a tool of language, and like all tools, it can be used in ways good, bad, and indifferent.

(11) Erica, January 18, 2012 7:15 PM

Thank you for the reminder...

Wow, I am truly humbled. Thank you for the reminder of what I am striving to be and how truly awesome it would be if we truly understood and appreciated everything we are given and what we should be doing with it. Thank you again for the reminder...hopefully it will remain with me longer than today.

(10) examples, January 18, 2012 3:05 AM

sarcasm in the torah

I was going to comment with examples of sarcasm in the Torah but all the other commentors did an excellent job pointing it out. Mrs. Braverman, your point about the need for respectful and unhurtful communication is a good one, but that is a general rule for all types of speech. Sarcasm is only a form of speech, not necessarily a harmful one, and it indeed has its place, as the Torah shows.

(9) Anonymous, January 17, 2012 7:21 PM

Sarcasm -- or irony?

As the previous posts have pointed out quite well, the line between irony and sarcasm is not always perfectly clear. Furthermore, there is the whole question of humor. A lot of Jackie Mason's routines might read off the page as snide, but to hear and see his delivery it has always beeen clear to me that he is expressing legitimate satire and social commentary, often a snappy version of tochecha/admonition. I think the real question is intent. Be alert to stop yourself before saying anything that stems from spite or nastiness. Also, don't be too quick to judge the words of others -- you're not inside their head. When in doubt, at least whenever possible, ask what someone means. The answer is bound to be revealing.

(8) brett, January 17, 2012 6:36 PM

sarcastic prophet?

Maybe the Books of Moses do not contain sarcasm, but did not the Prophet Elijah sucessfully use this device when he said to the Baal worshipers about their god, "either he is meditating, or he is busy, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is sleeping and mus be awakened." (Kings) Sarcasm does mock, and there are times when that is a powerful way to communicate. Unfortunately our societies overuse of sarcasm is what is tiresome. Can you imagine if everyone was always trying to be ironic? We overuse sarcasm. Use sarcasm wisely like the Prophet Elijah.

anon, January 17, 2012 9:26 PM

response to brett (8)

I believe the one time where sarcasim is sanctioned by the Torah is with regards to idol worship

Steve, January 19, 2012 12:23 PM

Error is human

In mocking the prophets of Baal, Elijah is showing his own frail humanity. Let me ask you the question: Was Elijah honoring G-d, or himself? Much of the lesson gained from Elijah is that we need to submit to G-ds' plan and not your own agenda regardless of how rightous we may think our agenda may be.

brett, January 19, 2012 5:44 PM

reply to Steve

Your assuming all sarcasm comes from our frailty. I would disagree with that. To answer your question, I believe Elijah was honoring God with his actions and his mouth. The text gives us no other sense. God honors Elijahs words and actions with fire from heaven. Seems clear untill we complicate it with ideas not in the written Torah, like sarcasm comes from human frailty. I wonder if we looked into 'anon' response if that has backing in the historic understanding of Torah.

RH, January 29, 2012 3:58 AM

Emunah is indeed correct! Unfortunately our view of right and wrong is influenced by the norms of the outside world. The case of Elijah is the exception as our Rabbi's have taught us that making fun of or putting down idol worship is permitted. The purpose of this is to denigrate the concept both for the sinner as well to those who come into contact with the sinner so as not to be influenced by their negative behavior. Of course, the person's feelings must be taken into account and the person should be fairly confident that denigrating the negative behavior can have a positive effect rather than just embarrassing and angering the targeted individual. We must therefore consult with a Rabbi as when this is actually permitted.

(7) Aliza Cohen, January 17, 2012 3:08 PM

There is sarcasm in the Torah.

In fact, there is one small even of sarcasm in the Torah. When Yosef's brothers say they cannot bring Binyamin, lest their father die, Yosef answers with, "I am Yosef, is my father alive?" Why would he say this if they just told him he was? I learned in one of my Midrasha courses that this was sarcasm on Yosef's behalf.

Reuven, January 17, 2012 4:00 PM

Only one?

And, when Bnei Yisrael ask Moshe at the Yam Suf, "Weren't there enough graves in Mitzrayim, that you had to bring us out to be killed in the desert?". Just a rhetorical question?

RH, January 29, 2012 8:35 PM

Yosef was rebuking his brothers by showing them the inconsistencies of their behavior. On the one hand, they are expressing such concern for their father. However, where was their concern when they sold him causing their father great anguish. Actually, this manner of rebuke if you wish to term it sarcasm, may have been less harsh as he did not state their wrong directly. Of course, sarcasm can have a positive impact in some circumstances when used to benefit someone else. But how often do we use it in that manner? That is not the type of sarcasm that Emuna is referring to. She is talking about the everyday form of derogatory speech that is used for fun at the expense of someone else's dignity.

(6) Robert, January 17, 2012 3:06 PM

Banter among men

I find that sarcastic banter is the modus operandi of many men. I have not done much of it myself, frankly because I am not that good at it. When my golf buddies are together, you can bet they are putting one another down. Now I can tell them that I don't partake in it as the Torah Forbids it! I always thought it was a little childish for men in their fifties!

(5) Anonymous, January 16, 2012 2:55 AM

I agree

As I enjoy saying, sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Why? Because all you have to do is say the exact opposite of what you mean. Pretty easy if you ask me, and the results aren't that funny either!

(4) TMay, January 15, 2012 11:22 PM

I disagree.

I disagree. Rolling the eyes upwards means "Lord, give me strength." Parents, teachers, bosses, repair people with high charges and long delays, municipal utility companies with a monopoly, and government bureaucrats, have control over a person's life. They not only want to control the other person but they want the person to smile and say thank you too. I remember a parent complaining that as she laid down the law that her teenager swung his head back and forth like a horse resisting having a bit as part of a harness being put in its mouth to control it. Saying no to body language is like saying "you will apologize to me and you will like it" or "you will eat my cooking and you will like it." or "We will raise your taxes and your fees, increase regulations, and take away your freedoms, and you will like it."

(3) Cathryn, January 15, 2012 10:38 PM

I agree

I agree, Emuna. I always remember a saying that my grade 12 English teacher used to use: "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit". Too true.

(2) Rochelle, January 15, 2012 9:53 PM

sarcasm = vocaliozation of violence

Thank you. Sarcasm is verbal aggression and violence as the vocalization of violence in personal relationships: anyone familiar w/ anything more ugly and violent will recognize it usually as the first noticeable destructive step towards worse. Agreed that children/teenagers do experiment. Speakers of sarcasm often dissimulate such as wit: it is not. Sarcasm is as dangerous as a loaded weapon aimed and its use is intended as such..

Rachel, January 18, 2012 10:57 PM

words can be hurtful, but physical violence is different

When my children were little and frustrated, we always told them "use your words" -- meaning to express their anger, sadness or whatever verbally but not by hurting the person who was upsetting them. So while I agree that sarcasm should not be used regularly, I think we should also be careful not to suggest that physical abuse is just the same as abusive language. I also think there's a difference between sarcasm directed at individuals in one's own life, and that directed at larger forces. It can be extremely useful for commentary on bad practices by corporations, government, or other institutions.

(1) Tina L, January 15, 2012 9:33 PM

Sarcasm- used by people with problems

Usually sarcasm is used by people with problems in their lives (that they did not solve). It is anything BUT sophisticated. Spend a few minutes with a sarcastic person- the negativity is so big you can feel it as if it was a physical object, makes you feel so bad you just want to run away.

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About the Author

Emuna Braverman

Please check out Emuna’s new book A Diamond for Your Daughter – A Parent’s Guide to Navigating Shidduchim Effectively, available through Judaica Press

Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters in in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband and nine children in Los Angeles where they both work for Aish HaTorah. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. She is the cofounder of www.gourmetkoshercooking.com.