Video: Yom Kippur: Raise the Bar

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Published: October 2, 2011

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Visitor Comments: 8

(5) simcha, October 7, 2011 6:18 PM

Rebbetzin, I always watch your "Lori Almost Live" clips theyre amazing! this was amazing! If its possible could this picture be taken down? with such an inspiring message I dont see why an inapropriate looking image of this man should be displayed. It doesnt fit with your powerful pure words nor does it fit on Aish.com. Sorry but i had to mention it 2 other people said the same thing as me. Thank you again for the message and Gmar Chasima Tova!

(4) seymour morris, October 5, 2011 6:32 PM

commom sense which God would want us to use at this time and always

good easy way to enjoy Yom Kippor with family and friends

(3) Shulamis Mallet, October 5, 2011 5:53 PM

jo, please read

Lori, do people really spend the entire day banging their chests, asking for forgiveness, including for their treatment of others, and for personality deficits that they couldn't control, and then fight about who gets to...? These are adults we're talking about, right? I would suggest that BEFORE the holiday, a schedule be worked out, before any fighting can undo all the good that's been done. There are many holiday meals to be celebrated, take turns. If there is a Patriarch or Matriarch, they should, of course be given first choice. After that, it should be a matter of seniority. Keep in mind that G-d looks favorably on those who are considerate of others. The best way to show G-d that we're serious about our commitment to be better, is to treat others better. To think before we speak (something that I have to work on), to choose our words more carefully, to put others before ourselves. What's a moment of glory if it's followed by weeks or months of bad feelings? Does it really matter where the meal is, if it means that the family is together? People should take a moment to realize how many lonely people there are, that don't have families to share a meal with. I would also discuss (not at a tense moment) the possibility of learning Shmiras Haloshon (A Lesson A Day by the Chofetz Chaim). Working on ourselves all year will make it easier to handle ourselves in tough situations. The best way to stop an argument that's already in progress, is a distraction. Laughter (almost) always works for me. If the subject of the fight is not too sensitive, make a joke about it. If you know your family is prone to fights, have a whole sheet of jokes prepared. Try to talk individually to family members to clear the air (not at the gathering). If you can get other family members on the same page, you'll have an easier time changing unhealthy family patterns. Don't put anyone on the defensive, keep things light, and keep smiling. Gmar Chasima Tova

(2) Willy, October 3, 2011 5:30 PM

be greatful

It was sad to read about people fighting on where to end the fast. I am grateful just to be able to get through the fast. I am diabetic. when I fast I have to keep real good track of my numbers. Sometime I am able to do it and when I am done I thank the Almighty for this blessing. Other time my numbers go to low and I have to break it. It is for me disappointing but at least I tried. I know that because of my condition I don't have to fast. The problem is I want to. Get an chart from the oldest to the youngest,start at the oldest and work your way down the list. That way everyone gets an turn and keep the peace. I know that I will be fasting. for those who are diabetic be careful, my wife is unable to fast. Her numbers drop to low.

ana, October 5, 2011 12:34 AM

willy, have an easy fast and meaningful yom kippur

i like your idea about using a chart to stop fighting. i hope some people who could use the idea will read what you wrote and put your great idea to use. shana tova.

(1) jo, October 3, 2011 3:32 AM

easier said than done

nice point, but it's really difficult to get along when everyone is so petty. it's really difficult to go along and smile and be polite when people all around can have conflicts over nothing. i have gotten into heated arguments within thirty minutes of the end of yom kippur, and of course was horrified, but have no real tangible way of avoiding the chaos all around me. i'm the one witnessing everyone's bad behavior, trying to get everyone to chill out and calm down and to stop demanding of others, and then everyone turns on me. the only thing i can do is to keep quiet. not sure if the rest of them can do anything. yes, right after rosh hashana i was told in my own home that i was eating in the wrong place--apparently, eating should not be done sitting at the kitchen island, only at the table--i was told to not do it again. of course now i know better to not point out how silly this is to the one who said it, even though he actually eats most of his meals standing up near a counter. anyhow, lori, how do people who do not know how to get along and just chill do so after yom kippur and beyond? just don't talk? that's what it comes to in my house. everyone walking around with pained expressions, just keeping it all in, not mentioning that someone--gasp!--served part of the main dish as an appetizer, opened a second bottle of dressing when one was opened, or served something on one platter when another one was apparently obviously set out. what does one do when people fight about everything? how can the fighters stop their controlling and bickering and how can everyone else stay sane when explaining to the others doesn't seem to work and keeping quiet seems neglectful? does anyone have any ideas? thank you.

Tammie, October 5, 2011 3:54 PM

be at peace, you've done all you can

set up a time to talk about it. perhaps show them this letter or prepare something similiar and ask them for their ideas. let's work together to find away to have the peace that G-d wants for us. In the meantime, realize that you have done all you can for now, and be at peace. It's not getting out of harmony that is the problem, it is not getting back up. A righteous person falls 7 times and gets up.

Ann Brady, October 7, 2011 12:05 AM

Nerves Become Raw During A Fast

I love Shulamis' suggestion about using humour to soothe raw family nerves. If family members could be reminded - before the Yom Kippur fast and its breaking - that they will be tender in their souls at this momentous time and thus "prickly," they may remember to treat each other more gently wherever they feast. Everything should be geared toward that end, of tenderness and newness to make it truly a New year. Shalom Aleichem, dear ones.

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About the Author

Mrs. Lori Palatnik

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Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio, and is the author of "Friday Night and Beyond: The Shabbat Experience Step-By-Step," "Remember My Soul - What to do in Memory of a Loved One," and co-author of "Gossip: 10 Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul." She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington D.C. area, with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik. Lori is the Founder of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings over 1,000 women to Israel each year from ten different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage. She is the busy mother of five children, ages 24 to 14; and her son, Zev, just finished serving as a sharpshooter in the IDF. Her weekly video blog, "Lori Almost Live" is a popular feature on aish.com, viewed by over 50,000 people each month.

Follow Lori on Twitter, @LoriAlmostLive

May 19, 2013 / 10 Sivan 5773

Yom Kippur: Raise the Bar

Bringing the power of the day into the rest of your life.

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