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I want to make a confession: I wear a kippah. And not just in synagogue either. All the time. Even in social situations. I didn't used to. In fact, for the first 36 years of my life I only wore one in synagogue. And even that was a rarity.
The phenomenon of the switch from "no kippah" to "everyday kippah" is most indelibly recorded by the reactions you get from friends, family and co-workers. These reactions range from "Why are you wearing that? Is it some kind of Jewish holiday again?" to "He's such a fanatic!" to "He wears it to hide his bald spot!" (I only wish I had thought of that when my bald spot first appeared 15 years ago!)
But my favorite and most subtle reaction came from a colleague whose eyes would dart back and forth between my kippah and me about 50 times during a 5-minute conversation.
A landmark dilemma of newfound "kippahedness" comes when confronting your first new work situation wearing the "traditional Hebraic skullcap," as one co-worker deemed it. This involves meeting with someone outside your current company and thus, outside of the group who saw your slow transition from secular guy to religious guy, and who asked all the questions about your new practices and actually seemed interested in the answers. Now you are venturing beyond the safe zone, out into the final frontier.
To kippah or not to kippah? That was the question.
For me, this "first contact" came while interviewing for a new job. What made it even more difficult was that it was a job I actually wanted! In other words, there was a lot at stake professionally. So, now I had to make a choice. One does not have to wear a kippah to work if it will prejudice his position in a negative way. So, I had an "out" if I wanted one. But should I take the out?
To kippah or not to kippah? That was the question.
Whenever I have these deep, moral questions, I always consult my wife. She's not just smarter and cuter than I am, she's a whole lot wiser. As usual, she had a brilliantly insightful response. "Well," she said, "if you're afraid that your new prospective boss may not like Jews or religious people in general, it's better to find out in the interview stage, rather than after you're working for them."
And with that, the decision was made. I would kippah.
TESTING THE FIELD
I arrived at the interview a few minutes early and went to the men's room to check my wardrobe. I looked pretty much the same as I had in all my other job interviews. Except for the circular addition atop my head. My kippah was clean and tasteful (I wouldn't be caught in public without a tasteful kippah!), but it was also a statement. A BIG statement. So standing there in the restroom, I hesitated for a moment and thought, "You can could still take it off."
But then I realized that not wearing my kippah would be an even bigger statement. A statement about denial of who I am. A Jew. A religious Jew. So for me, going in without a kippah would be a statement that I am less-than-fully committed to those ideas around which I base my life. So, in I went -- tasteful kippah and all.
The man who greeted me smiled and shook my hand. No eyes darting from my kippah to me, no jaw hanging down to the ground like in the cartoons. Just a nice "hello."
Early in the interview, he asked me, "What are you passionate about?"
"In business or in life in general?" I asked.
"Life in general," he replied.
I thought for a split second. Should I be really honest? Should I tell him what truly animates and motivates me in life? Or should I just give him the stock corporate answer that "a job well done and sacrifice for the company is what makes me tick"?
I opted for the former. I figured what the heck, he's already seen the kippah. Might as well be honest. Just go for it.
"My passions are God, family, community, and work. In that order."
I tried to soften the blow. "Probably not what a manager wants to hear! But don't misunderstand me. I work hard and take my job seriously. But it's a matter of priorities."
I looked for his response; any sign of shock or noticeable disappointment. I saw none. He simply smiled and continued the interview.
"What are you passionate about in life?"
We really clicked and the rest of the interview went great. But I couldn't help wondering what he thought of my answer to that first question. At the end of the interview, he asked me if I had any questions for him.
"Just one," I said. "What are you passionate about in life?"
(When I later told my friends that I asked him that, they were as shocked as if I had asked him whether he wore boxers or briefs.)
"Well," he said smiling. "It's funny. As I listened to you answering that question, I felt as if I was hearing myself answer it."
I got the job shortly thereafter.
TAKING A STAND
In the end, going to the interview with a kippah and answering the questions in an honest-but-not-politically-correct way, was not a heroic act. My in-laws who survived the Nazi concentration camps, my father who flew over 50 combat missions during World War Two -- they are the true heroes.
Still, what I did made a bold statement. I took a stand for something I believe in. It became clear to me that if I am only a religious Jew in private, then what, if anything, am I really? If I never take a stand on anything then I really stand for nothing. Indeed, maybe because it was evident by my kippah and my words that I did stand for something that I stood out from the other candidates and got the job.
(31) Allen , December 3, 2008
Yes, to wear, kept me out of trouble
Yes, I wear a kippah all the time and have been doing so for about two years now. Yes, it has been a point of concern during several job interviews, no I didnt get the jobs. B"H I think it kept out of potentially troublesome places. No one would know that I am Jewish especially since I dont have a quote typical Jewish name unquote. Maybe this is another reason I wear one because I am proud of who I am. One other thing, NO, I dont live in a major metropolitan area, actually there are very few Jews where I live and even less who attempt to be observant. Maybe this is another reason I wear one. Notwithstanding the reasons above it still reminds me that HaShem here, HaShem is there, HaShem is everywhere.
(30) aine , December 13, 2007
Hooray for you!!!
I am not Jewish but have read the reason one wears a Kippah. I applaud your inner voice. If we all would be proud of what we believe in the world would be a happier place.
CB
(29) Felisia Couto , May 6, 2007
I went through the same dilemma!
Hello,
I am a Muslim woman, who even though I truly believed in God for a very long time, only recently started to cover my hair. My first occasion where I had to question to cover or not was a job interview as well.Before I covered my hair it started with prayers. I would tell them at the end of the interview that yes I was the woman they wanted to hire however I had two quirks: I had to pray 3 times during my work hours (10 mins each) and I didn't shake (or touch for that matter!) other mens hands. As weird as those requests may seem I was always greeted with a smile and the job. Yet when I started covering my hair it seemed much more difficult than just asking for some praying time. I am really happy to hear that you wore your kippah for God and that you were honest with yourself and the interviewer.
(28) Gary , December 18, 2006
To Wear One - Nu, why not?
I worked in a US Federal government agency and have been wearing kippah daily for about 5-6 years now. I've never had one negative comment about it, even when I'm on travel to less 'metropolitan' or Jewish areas of the country. It's a non-issue for me and people simply view it as one aspect, amongst many, of me. Or, maybe those who don't like it know enough to keep their mouths shut. People will always find something to dislike about you - so, why feed into it or allow them the pleasure?
(27) John , December 10, 2006
Wearing a kippah
B"H
When I visit Amsterdam, occasionally wear a kippah. I feel it's the right thing for me. And I feel very proud and nice. Though you're been looked at as if your'e an tourist-attraction.
Once I passed by a group of schoolchildren, well, I never felt so much looked at. A lot of people give me a nice smile aswell.
Though ofcourse thé reason of wearing my kippah is a religious one!
John :)