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My Thoughts and Struggles about Not Being a Parent

My Thoughts and Struggles about Not Being a Parent

A truthful book about one woman’s struggles with infertility.

by Anonymous

Going through infertility involves many struggles. First, there’s the trying-to-get-pregnant part. Ovulation kits, fertility clinics, and failed treatment after failed treatment... it’s easy to lose hope.

The second struggle is sometimes more complicated: dealing with the loneliness and feelings of isolation within the community. It often feels like everybody else has kids and no one else is going through this.

I first had the idea to write a book on my experience with infertility when I was sitting with a bunch of peers, and the conversation soon led to babies: car seats, sleeping schedules, diapers, and baby food. Sitting there, the only woman without a child, I just wanted to shrink until I disappeared.

My husband and I had been trying to conceive for some time, and we were just beginning to explore our options beyond natural remedies and at-home cures. It was fresh and the isolation stung. A thought popped in my head. “If I would write a book on infertility, I would write a page about this.” The next few months, every time I felt a disappointing thought, endure a pointed question, or got another negative pregnancy test, I jotted it down. I wanted to use my collected ideas to help others in a similar situation, to break the taboo, to relieve the loneliness, and to raise sensitivity among those not going through the struggle.

I hope that my husband and I are close to the end of our struggle with infertility. I also hope that the book I worked on can be a powerful resource to Jewish communities in supporting those who are going through infertility and giving insight to the struggle to promote sensitivity and awareness to those who aren’t.

Below are a few of the pages highlighting my not-a-parent thoughts.

Click here to purchase your copy of My Not a Parent Thoughts

Yesh Tikva provides psychosocial resources and tools to those struggling with infertility and to raise awareness and sensitivity on the subject throughout the Jewish community. Yesh Tikva was established to end the silence and create a Jewish community of support for all Jewish people facing infertility. To learn more, visit us at

April 21, 2018

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Visitor Comments: 16

(14) I R, May 15, 2018 12:50 AM

thanks for sharing tour painful experience

understanding the yearning for a natural child, a cautious question in case of continued lack thereof : would you consider to adopt? probably not what tou want to hear right now but if tou really want to be a parent, you can ... with Love from a fellow infertile woman..

(13) Anonymous, April 28, 2018 7:24 PM

Helping large families

This is a beautiful idea and very much needed. I bless the author that Hashem should answer her tefilos very soon. I was married almost 5 years before my first child was born. I started going to large families and helping them on Erev Shabbos and Yom Tov; babysitting, helping to cook, etc. I always received many blessings from these hard-working mothers, who really appreciated my help. I don't know if this is for everybody, but it did help me get through this challenging time.

(12) Anonymous, April 27, 2018 4:30 PM

As a man it's hard to relate...but

....being 64yo and never married without children but always wanted a family I spend a great deal of time.questioning "why/not?" Why isn't there love in My* life and a family to care for? Especially when I see news reports of parents who neglect or abuse their children. All I can say is everyone with any of these issues is in My* prayers.

(11) Anonymous, April 24, 2018 3:00 AM

The majority of you missed the entire point of this brave women's article

AHHHHHHHHH! These comments repeat all the classic mistakes that the author has tried to educate you about! What does she have to do, draw you a picture? Oh! She already did!!! But you're still not getting it. Don't suggest things you know NOTHING about. Do you think the author doesn't know about IVF or adoption or Hashem? She needs you to tell her? Please, think before you comment. The whole point of the book is to educate people to be more sensitive and aware BEFORE opening their mouths. To the author: your drawings are perfect descriptions of what it's like to be infertile in the Jewish community. Don't forget to add another drawing of how you shared your drawings and got these totally oblivious responses back. All the best to you and your husband. Thank you for your bravery. Stay strong!

Anonymous, April 24, 2018 4:35 PM

Completely agree with post #11!!!

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