All Together Now

First off, I am not a Rabbi nor even a Torah scholar. However, I read of your experiences and I wanted to say that I understand because the same thing happened to me, and I too am having a difficult time returning to services at this time. However, if I may offer a few suggestions that may help (but please remember again I am just a jewish person trying to help another jewish person in need).

What I am doing at this time to help me grow in my Judaism (while not attending services at this time - I will return somewhere to services sometime soon)... is this:

First, I called Partners in Torah and was hooked up with a Torah partner (you can explain to them when you first call, your level of observance and they match you with someone who is right for you). With this free program, you can learn on your time that you choose and study whatever interests you.

Secondly, I read Aish and subscribe to some weekly Parsha commentaries that are emailed to me(which further helps me learn Torah on my own time in my home).

This way, until you can find a place where you feel welcome and comfortable, you can still learn and grow in your Judaism. --- I sincerely hope this helps you; we all need to help each other. You are not alone.

I am a Jew by birth. I live in the United States. The following is not about one synagogue or one location - I have experienced this in several different synagogues in several different states.

I am not really accepted in any synagogue because I cannot afford the membership fees. Even the "reduced" amount is too much for me when I struggle to pay my bills. Why does membership require money? Sure, I can attend services, but that is not really the same as being a member of the community. I understand also that it takes money for a synagogue to exist at all. There are plenty of members who are well off. Couldn't they be asked to contribute a little more to create "scholarships" for people or families who cannot even afford $50/week? So, I do not feel like a member of the community even when I do attend services.

In some synagogues, I am not "Jewish" enough - For example, I do not keep kosher. In others, it's that I'm married to a non-Jew (mind you I just married last year and I'm almost 40!). This last group would take away what little joy I have left in this life.

This then comes to my part - my resentments - where were the members of my parents' synagogue when my father was hospitalized? Not even the Rabbi called - even though my father is a Levite, was a paid member, and was at synagogue every Shabbat. Was he so unimportant (it was a very small synagogue) that no one even noticed he was missing?

I have been trying to come to terms with my resentments for many years now. Every time I think I have become ready to forgive and attend services, I end up resentful all over again. Should I lie when people ask me why I'm not a member? (I tell them I can't afford the fees.)

If you have any helpful suggestions, I am willing to listen. Please don't disregard my suggestions on account of my resentment - I am not the only one (as evidenced by some of the recent offshoots from mainstream Judaism) who has experienced this financial and level of religiosity discrimination.

I love what Vanessa said on 1/15 and I agree!! Why do we need labels anyway? It just creates the divide!! And, isn't that one of the reasons the temple was destroyed; jews fighting with Jews?

When my husband and I joined a local synagogue (we had lived in the "city" long before we joined this schul, we were welcomed by many regular members and invited to a few seders and a few other occasions. We were invited to sit with them so we would not be "alone" at functions, etc. And we began to get more involved in the schul (my husband was on the Board and we attended board meetings.) Then for other reasons, my husband resigned from the board about 7 months or so later. 2 months later my father (OMB) unexpectedly passed away and hardly anyone showed up at my home while I sat shiva; a very very hard time for me. All those invitations had by that time stopped coming and when we attended schul, at least I was virtually "alone" as I sat with my feelings of sadness, isolation and loneliness. We stopped attending that schul (althoght the people are basically good people there). Now, we are thinking of "checking out" another schul where some friends attend. This schul apparently is more established, has a lot more programs, and seems to stress the "mitzvahs" that are still very important to us. But, my idea is that to make sure others do not go through what we did (this could have turned us away from our Judaism if we were more "on the fence") there should be a club in every schul (run by the Rebbetzin) called "The Newcomers Club". Their "job" could be to make sure that new members are contacted by the "board" of this club at least 4x a year to check on them; how are you? Is everything okay? Do you need to sit and talk? Even after the 1st year of the "welcome mat" being laid out. I find that community is what keeps the Jewish people united; a feeling that there will always be people there for you when you need them (you will not be left alone). I would be proud to serve on a board such as this because I know what was left out for us. --- I hope my idea helps.

As baalei teshuvah, my husband and I and our 2 young daughters uprooted ourselves from our family and a comfortable life in a midsized city in Western Canada for greater frumkeit in the big city of Toronto.
We have been here 18 months and our first experiences here with mainstream Orthodoxy have unfortunately and to our great disaapointment and dismay been shockingly negative. We have encountered from the all-girls frum school, an abrasive judgemental attitude toward my family, from the administration, the families and even the young girls.They are fearful of Jews who are not carbon copies of themselves and seek to be segregated from Jews who do not fit their sterotype of an "observant Jew". Their "unwritten" and "unspoken" school policies are exactly designed to manipulate by instilling fear of rejection of the children and their families from the school. I ask you where is the Ahavat Israel? V'ahavtah L'reacha kamocha? Are these mitzvot not equally important as those ben adam l'hashem?

ALL Jews need to be tolerant and respectful of our differences in order to have any hope of Achus, unity. We are not all born into frumkeit and we are not all destined into frumkeit. This is Hashem's design. How will we influence His design for the good of all Jews with such abominable lack of compassion and sensitivity to the basic life tenant of Ahavat Israel? As I understand it, this fundamental precept of Judaism is not to love your fellow observant Jew. Its to love all Jews. None of us is in a position to judge. Unfortunately, this continues to happen all the time by prominent mainstream Orthodox Jewish Leaders and institutions who truly know better.

We don't need an external enemy. Sometimes we are unfortunately, our own worst enemy.

If the function of an external enemy is to bring unity to our people imagine the Shalom we could generate in this world if we could bring achus, unity through true compassion and love between Jews.

Your feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Sincerely,

Barbie Dukes

Dear Rabbi Solomon, As an old-time BT from the early 70's this is on my mind alot. I have started mimi open-mike concets for Jewish Unity. Maybe if I could join up with Aish we could go nationwide and really stir up some achdus through joyous music, dance, poetry etc. Please, contact me about this.

The disunity of the Jewish people may be a reflection of the perceptions of each Jew. When we see ourselves as one nation then we connect to each other as one nation. When we see ourselves as individuals with various agendas, then we cannot be united as one. When the lion and the lamb find that they both wish to unite, then the lion no longer sees the lamb as a meal ticket, and the lamb no longer fears the lion. So how do we begin to see ourselves as one nation? This is what the coming of Mashiach is all about!

Instead of ultra-religious Jews condemning and criticizing non-or less-observant Jews, make nice. Give fellow Jews the acceptance and love we all crave and need, so that we enjoy being in one another's company.
that'd be a start. to focus on the soul that makes each one Jewish, something in another Jew we can relate to. leave the judging to HaShem.

i think more creative ahavat yisrael. the main problem is the large number of jews who don't identify with israel. so the question is how to attract them so they'll feel their own personal connection with eretz yisrael and their people. certainly music and the arts are effective. the people who read aish can be catalysts for more creative ideas on how to do this. it's good that you presented this piece. perhaps there could be convened in places around america and israel forums to discuss and more importantly, act on this. i truly think that artists: actors, playwrights, photographers, musicians, dancers play an important role.

I enjoyed your video at the Wall.
Perhaps part of the 'answer' to the question of coming together can be found at the Wall. When we go to Israel, people come to us with money to give to the beggars and notes to put in the Wall.

In truth, we are all beggars. We are must beg to
Hashem for mercy and we all must ask others for
favors, constanly. Unfortunately, we tend to forget
our need for others and for Hashem. So, we isolate
ourselves from each other and we become arrogant and indifferent.

Perhaps the answer is to remind ourselves to ASK. I
found a 'vanity' license plate that said that: ASK. If
we keep asking, perhaps we will at least become more humble. We will feel embarrassed. We will be rejected and we will be given. We may even come together. As Barbra Streisand sang: ' People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.'

for unity between jews, rabbis should take responsability and teach their communities too respect eachother, jews from all over the world. It is the rabbis responsabilitie that jews are hating eachother and abusing eacother and other horrible things.....

If you studied early Jewish History in America there were several events that lead to the split. There were several conferences in 1800's to early 1900's which resulted in split between Reform, Orthodox, and Conservative movements. It is time to have another conference with the goal of recongnizing differences and similarities within our Jewish family.

I think that Jewish unity could be nurtured if as Jews, we were less judgemental of one another.

I would very much like to communicate with you on the format of the rally I used outside the Camp David Accords of 2001. In addition I would like to share with my friend's campaign for Achdut. Kindly contact me for details.

when will we not consider just the jew and not the regalia on his body or the judgement of his religious slant or observation.I THINK THAT A CONCERTED
EFFORT SHOULD BE MADE TO SPEAK TO THE ORGANIZERS OF THE ISRAEL DAY PARADE AND MAKE THIS MOMENTOUS
START IN A NEW DIRECTION. I COULD IMAGINE JEWS FROM EVERY PERSUASION MARCHING HAND IN HAND
DOWN FITH AVENUE. WHY SHOULD THE PARADE NOT INCLUDE THE SECULAR JEWS AS WELL.SOME TIMES YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT POLITICALLY WRONG NOT TO INCLUDE US.THANK YOU ALLAN COHEN .

perhaps we need to leave the cowboy, "get your wagons in a circle" mentality and realize that although we need to insulate ourselves from the outside world, we must incorporate ALL Jews in that same world. Finding the semi-permeable membrane to allow us to reach out, without being out is the key

Am Yisroel is a nation comprised of many different types of people. We all
agree that Hashem is King of Kings. That is our unifying factor. But how we express that in our everyday living
varies from person to person. Hashem created everybody differently. We are "diverse' Nation, not a "disunified" Nation.

I count myself a lucky person, because for the most part, I have been treated with respect by Jews from every denomination. I think that part of the key here is simply treating all other Jews with respect ourselves. As a college student who regularly attends my campus Hillel, I spend most Friday nights praying, eating, and bentching with Jewish students from all walks of life-reform, conservative, sometimes orthodox, secular, converts, and the just plain curious visitors. Last weekend, I was the guest of a sephardi orthodox family, and was treated with the utmost respect and friendliness. We may not agree on everything and had some conversations about the subject, but we could still break bread together. Although I am a reform convert, I have spent years studying Judaism every chance I get, especially orthodox Judaism. At shul Shabbat morning, I was apprehensive at how I would be recieved, but people were nothing but nice to me. Also, in Israel this summer, I spent a wonderful Shabbat at Chabad, where we had some arguments, but in a respectful manner. I still say that I had a great time there. So far, what I have observed is that when you are willing to listen and show respect to other points of view, most of the people making them are willing to listen to you as well, and mutual respect is easy. When I go to an orthodox synagogue, I don't expect or try to shake hands with the men there, and I'm not insulted that they won't shake my hand. I know why they don't, and I respect it, simple as that.

thank you for the video clip.what you said is very true. i think that if we all look at every jew for what they really are we would not have a hard time becoming one. we are all gods children and He loves us all. we just have to love each other no matter what the other one look or sounds like. thank you again.

We need to have the concious that we are : AM ECHAD BELEV ECHAD! -- one nation with one heart!

Time to let Hamas get into Palestinian politics. That will get our mind off our own troubles.

We have sat as a people, essentially always seeing the good elsewhere, and critical of our minute failings.

the Torah and the jewish people are under utter assault, and the wave of jew hatred will inundate us with the vile accusations of the liberals, the hard left, and the muslims who will call for the submission of Israel ( jews) for the greater good of the whole world. It will be a one state solution with no state for Israel.

Am I severe?
Yes.... and that is what is coming.
Unity??

How about we jews, who actually think we should not roll over and die for the world, agree that only Israel is our national homeland, not the arabs, not Islam's, that they do not have a right to half of it, and that we will throw out the killers, the homicidists, the butchers, and their supporters on the Left, who think that 'settlers' should be watched carefully as criminals.

Unity??
How..... we've sat back and let the haters have their day, as we expect a miracle to save us, and change the evil in others hearts.

How about those of us who care, do like the maccabees, and tell the haters, the homicidists and their supporters amongst us, to go chase a cat.

No?
Okay.... we're going to have to fight for our national homeland very soon, and even our lives.

Then we'll have something of the survivors unity.

Shalom

Mark Goldberg

I think we should let go of the labels "orthodox", "conservative" "reform" etc etc and see that we are all jews and none is better or higher or more or less pious because of their outward level of observance. We are here to all learn from each other and to do different mitzvoth--I wish there would be no haughtiness and disdain because of observance levels--percieved observance levels... because only Gd truly knows who is doing what and how valuable everyone's portion is.

What does it mean to be a Jew?It means receiving the mandate,the Commandment to declare unto all the world the reality of the G-d of Israel. But all Jews don't believe in G-d: To those misguided ones I say, if there were no G-d, we jews would not exist. G-d is because we are, or better said: we are because G-d is. If G-d did not give us the land of Israel, then, by what right do we claim Eretz Yisroel as our own?

I was sad to read a statement by an orthodox movement that forbids members from entering a conservative or reform synagogue, that it was better to stay home to pray alone than to join people practicing something they do not consider Judaism. I was sad wen I was in Israel and, contrary to your experience, some people who did not have a Torah to read from were to borrow ours, until they saw females read from it - then they shunned us and our Torah.

My experience with the AISH website is one of outreach and offering of information to any Jew who wishes. It's the kind of thing that encourages both tolerance and understanding and in my view leads to more observance of mitzvot; mitzvot that make one's life a better life and the world a better place.

But the walls erected by some portions of our people are not helpful. I do understand that decisions by the conservative mevement, e.g. to allow driving on Shabbat for the purpose of attending shul, are anathma to 'Torah-Jews'. Such decisions may be wrong, but cutting off all the people who have grown up in the movement makes no sense. Better to continue dialogue and to promote learning about Shabbat so that people understand why they might consider walking.

It certainly goes both ways, with people who are less observant making fun of and shunning those who are nore frum, as if frum and modesty are weird or wrong. And articles such as the recent one about a professional cheerleader turned rebbizten are much more appropriate than admonitions to avoid all contact with each other.

We must talk together, with humility and respect, not arrogance. Divisions lead to disaster, as we've learned so many times before. Better to live in the spirit of holding all parts of us together on Sukkot and appreciating while mourning the results of disunity during Shavuot.

Hmm something to think about indeed. Rabbi Saloman asks what we can do large or small to strenthen Jewish unity. I imagine there are a great number of things, but for starters I will just mention what would help me.

Being raised in a completely secular household, I don't know the prayers I don't know many of the religious traditions that many people take for granted. I don't ever feel welcome in the world of Jewry I feel like I am an outsider with my own people. I would like to be not looked upon negatively but welcomed warmly and treated with respect. I would appreciate people offering help and guidance or just friendship. I don't necessarily want to learn or know all the aspects at this time, but I am still JEWISH. I feel and think as a Jewish person and am proud of my heritage. I just don't feel a part of my community because I don't feel welcomed. I feel that it is a fairly exclusive community and I think that is one place to start with Unity. Start by welcoming Jews, no matter the degree of practice of their Judaism. Welcome Jews just because they are Jewish and have a shared history, that is all you need.

Jewish unity is something I pray for all the time. It is of extreme importance. I think the way to begin nurturing Jewish unity is for Jews to have a better sense of their Jewish identity. In this way, Jews would have a "stake" in Jewish unity. We must understand that we are all Jews, all part of G-d's chosen nation, a part of a Jewish collective unity seperate from party lines and levels of "religiousity". An orthodox Jew should not look down upon (or roll their eyes at) a Modern orthodox Jew, actions that express that they feel there is something intrinsically wrong with how they express their Judaism becuase they call themselves "modern". Similarly, a reform Jew should not look upon an orthodox Jew as backward or "vestiges of exile". We are all Jews. (However, I do not want to devalue Kiruv, G-d forbid. But kiruv should be done out of sincere desire to nurture Jewish identity in Jews).

well... maybe just like you said yourself, we need to pray together, dance together, sing together... no? who quarrels with others while praying or dancing or singing? ! (well, we may be quarreling with HaShem while praying, but not with eachother), maybe this concept gives 'too much time on our hands' a whole new meaning!
Imagine... 'Jews together now' but not talking!!! just praying, singing, dancing away... 'til Moschiach arrives...

As a Jew from the former USSR, I used to think that Torah-observant Jews were crazy loons. I preferred Christianity over Judaism.
It took an act of Kiruv by some Jews from Seattle to bring me back to my roots.

And this is my message to Rabbi Solomon:
Don't wait for the "illiterate" Jews to find Torah and the ways of G-d by themselves.
Kiruv must be broadened to a much higher level.
Every Torah-observant Jews should reach out to all non-practicing Jews in A GREATER MANNER than how Evangelicals spread their gospel.
The Torah-observant Jew has remained silent too long. Not enough is being done to return Jews to G-d.
I say to Rav Shlomo that both mitnagdim and chassidim should join hands and invest in the time and energy to fulfill what the nevim had said.
"And on that day, I shall be your G-d, and you shall be My people."

Dear Rabbi Salomon, Whenever possible, I am a faithful watcher/reader of ur interesting pieces in Aish.com. On ur comment on the opening of the 92nd St Y on Shabats, for what my family´s experience is worth it,we have always been deeply committed to Judaism as a way of life, although perhaps not in an overtly observant Orthodox, religious manner, although my grandfather from my mother´s side was a Rabbi in Lithuania before the Holocaust, but rather culturally and socially and with ourselves and our children always having a thoroughly Jewish- lay- educations. We lived in NYC for years, with young children and had to opt many, many times for things to do with them on Saturdays during cold, rainy weather, that were not in the least socially, culturally, socially, or environmentally Jewish. Looking back, I believe that the 92nd Y would have been a much better choice than going shopping, to the movies or even to museums. We now live in Mexico City,which although there are only about 40,000 of us,(in a 89% Catholic country of well over 100 million) is the location of one of the best Jewish social/cultural/sports/learning etc institutions in the world (the Jewish Sports Center, or CDI),(incidentally, open on Saturdays ever since its founding in the late 4th decade of last century) which together with schools, (yeshivot and lay) and other things, have contributed to the highest % of Jewish kids attending Jewish schools with a strong Jewish education of many types) and the lowest rate of intermarriage among Jewish communities in the world,(interesting correlation. isn´t it?), -according to a recent HUJ study of the Diaspora by demographers Della Pergola and Meridor-, as well as substantial Tikkun Olam charity donations to Mexican society at-large- and to universities, museums and hospitals in Israel (probably higher in % than Target, Nationwide and Coke). You appear to be a good rabbi and a nice, tolerant man with an open mind, so with all due respect,in my admittedly lay opinion, often religious beliefs and dogma established millenia or centuries ago in other environments and conditions (which are certainly fine even today for some people who want to live by them) but are difficult or unappealing to others under circumstances with habits and customs that are not practical and realistic for today´s pressure cooker life, must evolve and meet the real needs of people in their current environments ?. I realize, that if you are an Orthodox person, this must sound to you as blasphemy,and worthy of me being put in "heirem", but isn´t it at least "Something to Think About" ?
Respectfully Yours, David Maicon /Mexico City

PS, On your most recent video, you are claiming for "more unity" among the Jewish people. I am sure that most people will find it a worthwhile objective and I for one, am all for it. After all, alas, there are so few of us. But what are the conditions for such unity? How tolerant and understanding are we all willing to be? (including ultra liberals like me!!!) To start with, who is to rule on who we are? on who is a Jew? on whether Jewishness is transmitted matriarcally, which was logical when mothers spent all their time with children, but which is not the case any more? on what are the basic, most important guidelines on Halajah, dogma,even observations like Seders and Sidurs, etc., etc.? On how each one of us prays, or what his relationship is to Hashem, or his fellow human beings? You are now in Israel, you must have noticed that half the population is at the other half´s throats, religious vs. secular, sephardi vs. ashkenazi, young vs. old, etc.,there are so many seismic breakage levels,(that in my last visit of many,to Israel last year, I was surprised that many friends and relatives were afraid that if peace ever breaks with the palestinians, we, the Jews, will be fighting each other, which is probably the original reason for your comments. What is needed, is what a former Mexican President, which you might have heard of, of whom there is a statue in Bryant´s Park on the corner of 42nd St on the Ave. of the Americas side, whose 200th birth aniversary is being celebrated this year, Benito Juarez (1806-1872) who said "El respeto al derecho ajeno es la Paz" ( Respect to others´rights is Peace), when he defeated Napoleon´s French army when they tried to impose an emperor. We might all learn a bit from it, albeit these are other, more complex times, circumstances and environments.
Shalom, and keep up the good work
David Maicon, (with all due respect)

to answer Rabbi Yaakov Salomon : one of the reason we are not often together might be for this reason described by the Aish Kodesh :
Before the time of the Baal Shem Tov , If a person’s heart was touch by the fear of G-d , he would close himself off in his room and engage in solitary meditation, eschewing the company of others... Some people fasted and engaged in self mortification...However, although it is true that the merciful One desires the heart and that whenever someone does something solely for the sake of G-d, this is pleasing to G-d, this is not the essential path in serving Him. Rather the main and central post upon which everything depends and the content of the paths of proper return to G-d are to be found through loving fellowship, close friends and forming a close relationship with the Tzaddikim of the generation... A person might imagine that when he is alone he can more readily awaken his heart to return and cling to G-d than when he is among his friends and people in a group who are cognizant of him, and that in the company of others he will lose his connection(to G-d). Nevertheless, it is more fitting and correct to strongly engage in loving fellowship... In this way , one can draw down illumination for many days... whereas when one remains alone , one succeeds only for the moment.
(Hakhsharat Ha’avreichim p.145. Rabbi Kalonymus Kalman Shapiro).

Therefore I believe that if we would have more groups of learning instead of classes given by one Rabbi , it will be more powerful.
Also , musik and dancing is one of the thing that unite us mostly,
let's have organized Kumzitzt with hundreds of Jews with a sign at the entrance of the hall saying: This gathering is for the sake of the unity of G-d, to give Hashem Nachas Ruach from the fact that we are one here on earth again , loving each other , froom and non froom , just like at Har Sinai. Let us dance and sing with unity and love. If we are One down ,Hashem will "become" One also.
As far as I know , I never heard any orthodox organization making a party just for the sake of Unity and Ahava's Chinam. Just for Hashem, like a Korban Todah.
Kol Tuv, michoel Gutmacher

I was raised and bar mitzvahed in the Conservative movement and was taught the importance of Jewish unity. But what I see in the community is fragmentation and conflict that only divides us and creates deep resentment. We need to start accepting each other first as Jews, then begin a constructive dialogue concerning our differences.



We also need to be more accepting of inter-faith marriages. I am the son of a Jewish mother and a non-Jewish father, but I was raised with a strong Jewish identity. By the standards of halakha, I am a Jew, but there are those Jews who don''t consider me "fully Jewish." Ironically, my non-Jewish father supports Israel more strongly than many Jews I have met.