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Published: Saturday, August 18, 2007
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Visitor Comments: 9
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(4) Ellen , August 21, 2007
Yes, but
Point well taken about teenagers needing more attention from hyper-busy parents. However, also look at what *kind* of attention the parent would give. I wanted less attention from my hyper-critical, judgmental, controlling parent. More attention is only helpful if it is helpful attention. The solution? Parents need to slow down BUT they also need parenting guidance and they need some unconditional love themselves, otherwise why do you think they are overstuffing *their* empty lives? Works both ways. Every parent needs a mentor or at least a good parenting class (mandated by law).
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(3) stephen collins , August 21, 2007
dear jews
i am from N.ireland my country has the highest selfharm rate in the world this is due to the war we have seen the older jews must bring peace to the young people or this problem will get worse beleave me work for peace -
(2) Fernando Ocumare , August 20, 2007
SAFE PLACE TO GO !!!!
Dear Rabbi Salomon,
I totally agree with you. I have three kids of my own, including a teenage daughter; it's not easy but, I know for a fact that if you pay attention to what they say and ask; if you create a safe place for them to come and talk and express themselves; with you first, not with a friend or stranger but you, and you remain receptive to their questions and ideas and doubts; things will get better. It takes time and patiente; also the full participation and cooperation of your spouse; both of you have to be on the same page, synchronized on becoming the shelter they seek in those hard and confusing times. You have to become their source of wisdom, you have to encourage them to choose wisely by letting them know how valuable and smart they are. You have to show them that it's not the end of the world when things go wrong, when they get a bad grade or when they feel confused about any subject...Just let them know that you love them and the most important thing,,, There's a G-D that loves them....
Fernando Ocumare
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(1) Anonymous , August 19, 2007
B"H, someone has broached this subject!!!
Thank you, to Rabbi Salomon, for bringing Self-Injury (SI) out of it's dark corners! It's about time that therapists, rabbeim, doctors, teachers, parents, family members and friends become aware of SI.
It is a cry for help--a way of feeling painful feelings or not feeling them. For some, it is the only way they can escape the deep emotional turmoil that dwells within them. People cut, when words fail them.
People who self-injure should not be made to feel ashamed of their behavior, nor should they be avoided because of it. In fact, as Rabbi Salomon said, these kids need the attention that they cannot ask for with words. They need, and deserve to be reached-out-to, cared for, nurtured and taught a healthier way of managing their feelings.
SI is reaching epidemic proportions in the frum community. Let's not hide our eyes and pretend that it doesn't happen to "our people." It does. And it is. And it might be happening to your own child, as you read this.
About the Author
Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

Rabbi Salomon is co-author, with Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of the best selling book "What the Angel Taught You; Seven Keys to Life Fulfillment," (Mesorah), and is also the co-producer of the highly-acclaimed film, "Inspired." His most recent book is "Something to Think About; Extraordinary Reflections About Ordinary Events (Mesorah)."
His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.









(9) Fernando Ocumare , September 9, 2007
Dear Rabbi Salomon,
I totally agree with you. I have three kids of my own, including a teenage daughter; it's not easy but, I know for a fact that if you pay attention to what they say and ask; if you create a safe place for them to come and talk and express themselves; with you first, not with a friend or stranger but you, and you remain receptive to their questions and ideas and doubts; things will get better. It takes time and patiente; also the full participation and cooperation of your spouse; both of you have to be on the same page, synchronized on becoming the shelter they seek in those hard and confusing times. You have to become their source of wisdom, you have to encourage them to choose wisely by letting them know how valuable and smart they are. You have to show them that it's not the end of the world when things go wrong, when they get a bad grade or when they feel confused about any subject...Just let them know that you love them and the most important thing,,, There's a G-D that loves them....
Fernando Ocumare
(8) DR Thomas M. DiResta , August 27, 2007
I have personally experienced the phenonema of self mutilation in my immediate family, & only by the good grace of Hashem was a tragedy averted; more exposure to get the message to all teens is needed, thank you---Tom
(7) Anonymous , August 26, 2007
Thank you taking on such a tough and unpopular topic.
(6) Anonymous , August 26, 2007
Dear Rabbi Salomon,
I totally agree with you. I have three kids of my own, including a teenage daughter; it's not easy but, I know for a fact that if you pay attention to what they say and ask; if you create a safe place for them to come and talk and express themselves; with you first, not with a friend or stranger but you, and you remain receptive to their questions and ideas and doubts; things will get better. It takes time and patiente; also the full participation and cooperation of your spouse; both of you have to be on the same page, synchronized on becoming the shelter they seek in those hard and confusing times. You have to become their source of wisdom, you have to encourage them to choose wisely by letting them know how valuable and smart they are. You have to show them that it's not the end of the world when things go wrong, when they get a bad grade or when they feel confused about any subject...Just let them know that you love them and the most important thing,,, There's a G-D that loves them....
Fernando Ocumare
(5) Amalia , August 22, 2007
An age old problem
One of the biggest problems with self injury, sadly, is how old and cross cultural it is. I hate to say it, but I think its a natural (albeit tragic) human tendency. Young men from Kham (eastern Tibet) frequently burn their hands with cigarettes instead of crying after a break up, loss of a friend, or death. Certain native american tribes mourn the death of a friend or family member by slicing the arms, legs or face. Self mutilation crosses all boundaries, and it is always when people can't seem to properly express their pain, or aren't listened to when they try to. What to do? it's hard to tell. My recomendation would be for parents to listen to their children, and occasionally, let their children let it all out...let them sob if they need to, talk openly even if it hurts...because cutting hurts a lot more