Raising Wimps?

This message is simple and clear and soooo true. Thank you for this word Rabbi. Again I as a non-jew realise we need to learn from jewish wisdom which God has put into them.

yes it's important to encorage idependance but remember we need to do w. sensativity. i remember the excitement and relief i felt when my mom surpised me and was able to pick me up from school on some very cold days.i would love to give my kids more independence but nowadays things have changed it is not as safe to let kids walk home from school anymore.i appreciate r.solamons other ideas laundry etc..eventhough it is easier for me to just do it myself i will work on giving my kids the chance to grow.

I'd like to "thank" the first indulgent parent who bought their child a video-ipod, a fully-loaded cell phone, or whatever latest gadget their child just "had to" have. That parent made it significantly harder for all the other parents out there to say "sorry, you don't need it" to their own kids. It's a lot harder for me to be a responsible parent when my kids see their friends getting whatever they ask for from parents who say "yes" because they don't like to deal with the discomfort of saying "no".

Yes, I agree. The only difference is the cell phone for the child in the advent of an emergency. You see, when I was a kid in the seventies, you left your front, back and side door open-all night! Now, in this day and age? Forget it. I do believe that kids do not need a cell phone, yet if they are going somewhere on their bikes or whatnot it is a different story. To have their own cell phone and talk on it? Naaah...yet I let my son take mine with him when he goes somewhere with his friends and will be gone for a little while.

I think the cell phone is not a bad idea to give a 12 year old in these turbulent times.

The Rabbi is not saying that picking up your children at school or that giving them cell phones for their safety is going to spoil them. He is saying that some parents over spoil their kids by going to extremes. We all know there are legitimate exceptions but in general a first grader does not need a cell phone in school. He just gave examples of what could be signs of spoiling a kid. That's all the Rabbi is saying. Think about it.

Finally, common sense again! Thank you, parents need to hear this over and over. I was raised by immigrant parents who worked very hard and did not spoil us. I appreciate it now. I wish I had followed their good example instead I was overprotective and I am guilty of raising spoiled wimpy kids.

I agree with Rabbi Salomon 99.9%. My two older children received cell phones when they started junior high school. My youngest is still waiting. I think some children get them too young. They are[today]escorted and driven everywhere. I personally don't see the need. Since the rise of cell phone, the payphone that was EVERYWHERE is not too easy to find. As children become more mobile, they should have a way to make contact. Gone are the days when you could just reach out and drop a dime...

Only a couple of generations ago, the measure of a good Jewish mother was her careful protection and self-sacrifice. Now, it is modeling American rugged individualism. Get with the program!

Many of Rabbi Solomon's comments are true, but I must strenuously disagree about the cell phones. My daughters are 16 and 13, and they have had cell phones since the first grade. Not for them - for me, for my own peace of mind. Moving back and forth between Israel and the US (Rehovot, Houston, Haifa), my kids travel to school and to their friends alone by public transportation. When they want to go somewhere (without the family), they go on their own. Sometimes they travel at night. Sometimes they visit friends or Sabba in cities that are miles from home - alone. Cell phones give them the self confidence to go out on their own, but to know that Mom & Dad are there to help in a crunch. And when I want to know where they are and what's going on, I can reach them. Cell phones don't make the kids wimps, they give them independence.

Sorry Rabbi but I had to laugh at that face in the picture,!! it sure is self explanatory...lol My problem is how many writings there are about children, so many doctrines, philosophies, psychological views are by the Myriad Books have been written by the thousands about this subject,yet the trend is downward, worse not better. Whatever happened to good ole mama papa gramma, grandpa way that brought us up for all these un numbered years

Acting in fear was not intended for those who live a godly life and parenting this way is a weakeness. You are right if they cry, that is good they will stop but is better than have the parent cry later on. What happened to the true virtutes that we should pass to our kids? We have to lead by example and that starts in every household, we either gave our kids a clear guiding or the society will shape them in something we will be surprised later on by. Even when they want something they should not learn to rely on us alone as their providers but know how to pray about it. Thank you Rabbi Solomon

I agree with another comment that the children Rabbi describes are bullies, not wimps. A wimp does not stand up for himself whereas a bully uses his muscle (physically or emotionally) to get his own way. Rabbi, I agree in general with what you say. However, please remember that sometimes when parents pick up their children, it's simply for the child's safety. Unfortunately, child abductions, pedophiles, and other dangers are much more of a threat in certain areas than others.

He should publish a book along these lines!!

I wish I could hear this message every morning!!!!! SO TRUE!!!!! But how many of us do this???? I will try to listen very hard to your words!!! Thanks for giving over priceless messages!!!!! always!!!!

ROLE MODELING !!! Let's show our kids that we aren't dependent on our cell phones! Let's walk in the snow to the store! Let's accept dissapointments in front of our kids graciously! Let's make our kids aware that we follow rules, too, and actually follow them! Obviously this isn't the only remedy, but it sure helps!

Rabbi Solomon calls kids raised this way wimps. I call them bullies. And the parents are wimps who are afraid of a child making a scene or trashing his room.

It's about time someone mentioned this. Children these days expect their parents to give and rescue them from their mistakes. Concerning the comment on the eighth-grade class with cell phones, I teach middle school and even some of the sixth-graders have the latest cell phones. Kids need to realize that life does not run smoothly and they cannot always get what they want. That's why they are spoiled brats. My husband did not have consequences growing up-he was mollycoddled and even to this day, he runs to his mother when he needs help. I have no intention of our two-year-old turning out this way.

Wise insights, but how much do we let our children struggle? If we have a car and do not drive them in inclement weather, do our children perceive us as withhholding chesed? If we have means and don't support them accordingly, do our children learn the lesson of overcoming hardship, or do they view us as ungiving? We live in a society of comparison. A child will often compare himself to his peers. When we were growing up, our parents would have similarly indulged us but did not have the means. In the social realm, the teacher was always right and we children had to adapt to the social milieu, especially if our parents were "greena" (New Americans). We are swept into the ocean of "herd" behavior. We see parents provide unnecessary luxuries for their children and we feel pressed to do the same for ours. It becomes easy to lose touch with the lessons we wish to teach. Thank you, Rabbi Salomon, for pulling us into greater awareness of our actions.