No blame required.
Published: Saturday, June 20, 2009
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Visitor Comments: 7
About the Author
Rabbi Yaakov Salomon
Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions.
He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series' and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.
Rabbi Salomon is co-author, with Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of the best selling book "What the Angel Taught You; Seven Keys to Life Fulfillment," (Mesorah), and is also the co-producer of the highly-acclaimed film, "Inspired." His most recent book is "Something to Think About; Extraordinary Reflections About Ordinary Events (Mesorah)."
His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.
(7) Anonymous , November 5, 2009
BPD only comes out when the relationship is already formed
married couples find out that their spouse is BPD only after they get married because they feel insecure about relationships and need to secure their loved one. It is devastating. People don't know why this person is difficult or why they have no mazal with this person. If the BPD wants to punish someone who they need to, they will, and the recipient will not understand why this happened to them. It is urgent that we all educate ourselves about this, because it is tricky, and its a miserable experience to be connected to someone who has this.
(6) SusanE , July 12, 2009
Aren't Some People Just Mean and Nasty?
I've known someone who would belittle her husband or start a fight with one of their children and scream horrible things to them about how badly they treated her. Then as soon as she gained control over the issues, she would bring on the tears and say how sorry she was. It got so that the family and friends would not bring up certain topics and would not ever disagree with the woman. She was that good at manuipulating. The woman had total control over everyone. She kept them on edge constantly, and controlled every situation and always she would create a crisis . Also when someone was being congratulated or honored for some good deed, she would bring on the tears and say her kids never did nice things like that for her and look how hard she worked for them. Then her kids would hang their heads and say we're sorry Mother. She planned things out nicely. One could predict that she would ruin a family vacation, by creating a crisis. She went on a tour with a group of women in the same club, and on the way she said she was ill, and they must take her to the emergency room in the upcoming town. So they did. Then they called her husband to come and get her. Of course she was fine and nothing was wrong with her, but she was enraged that the vacation wasn’t cancelled for a day or two because of her. I told her she might have the rest of them fooled but I wouldn't put up with her behavior. Remember this woman and I spent time together shopping and doing neat things. She was a bright and cultured woman who could talk about many subjects. Putting a label like Borderline on her seems to excuse her horrible behavior. How does that help her adult children now?
(5) ANON , July 10, 2009
Reply to (1) Anonymous -
When can the mentally ill be held accountable? It's when they show signs that they know that what they are doing is wrong, and they do it anyway. It's when they go to some lengths to TRY TO HIDE EVIDENCE OF THEIR FORETHOUGHT.
(4) Anonymous , July 3, 2009
A life-long condition?
Thanks for the reminder of what I've been dealing with for 25 years and how to approach it.My eldest son was diagnosed with this syndrome 20 years ago,studied at a special school for 10 years and after the army lived with his girlfriend.Now he has split up with her and has moved back home with me.After having been on my own for so long I had got used to a calm and peace at home,but after my son returned all the difficult past returned too with all the unpredicted and spontaneous behaviours.He stopped his medication at age 16 saying he didn't need it any more.Even though he knows he has a problem,he refuses to get help as he thinks he can deal with it alone.His conditon affects all the family.
(3) Anonymous , July 2, 2009
What if they she's unwilling to admit she has a problem?
I know someone like this - anything can set her raving at any time, with no rhyme or reason. She says things in a way that can be very hurtful - but she does not see how her words can have such an effect. I've tried to discuss this with her several times, but she refuses to acknowledge that there is any sort of problem. I have to interact with this person on a near-daily basis - how should I deal with it?