Have You Seen My Wallet?

by Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

Don't make such a big deal.

Published: July 10, 2010

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Visitor Comments: 19

(19) Anonymous, July 19, 2010 1:42 AM

Someone broke into my house

My grandson was in a serious accident. Baruch Hashem after being on a respirator for a week he made a full recovery. The next week I was out of town on vacation and got a frantic call from a neighbor who thought someone broke into my house. My first thought was so what, they are only things. The important things that could never be replaced we still had

(18) Anonymous, July 16, 2010 7:39 PM

thank you for that!

that was wonderful - you are so correct - I always try to remind myself that most things that make us upset in life are really the "small stuff" and G-d forbid something truly tragic should happen, that's what we should save our emotional outbreaks for. Thanks for the reminder!!

(17) , July 15, 2010 8:47 PM

losing things

two weeks ago, I lost my USB (memory stick youput in the computer). On it, i had 3 years of work, ans some personal info. I went to the library to print something, and hurriedly put it in my purse and rant off to class. tha;'s the last I saw of it! I drove everyone at school cray, but nobody saw it. i am trying to take the view that this is an atonement or something; that it's better for me to have this test than another. I accept that I have to redo much of the work,;that's no big deal. But I still pray every night and day that HaShem protects me from being a victim of identity theft.

(16) Sanford ("Sandy") Goodman, July 15, 2010 8:06 PM

I make a big deal when I drop something or something goes wrong

I often make a big deal when I drop something or something goes wrong. This is good advice; don't sweat the small stuff.

(15) Esav Benyamin, July 14, 2010 4:16 AM

Smile!

When things go so wrong, you get mad, you lose self-control -- stop, smile. This will confuse the part of you that wants to rage and lets you think instead what to do. There is always something better to do. By the way, for those do worry about losing a wallet ... take your wallet to a copier, place your cards and papers on the scanner and copy them. Now turn them over and copy the backs. Now add clearly written phone numbers under each, who to call for problems or loss. Don't keep these copies in your wallet! It's easy to see that baseless hatred is destructive. What about hatred that seems legitimate? Is any hatred ever a positive force? Probably not. We don't need to hate our enemies, we don't need to respect them, either. We only need to take the proper steps to protect ourselves beforehand, to be alert. (And hold onto our wallets!)

(14) Anonymous, July 14, 2010 12:07 AM

In your case

In general I enjoy viewing your videos. Some people do carry money in their wallet and could lose a considerable sum if lost. OK, it's relative compared to the Churban but could be considered a substantial kapparah. I agree with Alan. You seem to be stretching the point this time. But you do have a point non-the-less.

(13) Sarah H., July 13, 2010 8:14 PM

I have to agree with Alan S.

I also enjoyed the rabbi's story about losing his wallet, and I agree that it is good not to sweat "the small stuff." However, I think that "baseless hatred" is more about the every day resentments amongst people, the resentments that grow from "mountains to molehills" and destroy relationships, even if only on the inside. When your heart is cold toward another person, because of something that he or she did or did not do to you or for you, that's baseless hatred. And it spreads...and can destroy whole worlds. While losing your wallet is annoying and frustrating, losing a connection with another person, and ultimately with many others, is tragic...and destructive.

(12) Sally R., July 13, 2010 7:36 PM

No Big Deal

As I saw the title, I was expecting an "article" about Alzeimer's (G-d forbid). After reainf your article, I felt impelled to thanks you for it, especially if we consider the "deal" between Alzheimer's and a innocently lost wallet. What a comparison!!!!! Your're right, it's truly NO BIG DEAL. And keeping this in mind we can all save ourselves all kinds of stress and tension. Keeping this in mind, it's another "Gam zu letovah".

(11) Anonymous, July 13, 2010 4:59 PM

thank you so much!

My wallet just got stolen last week. thank you so much for the much-needed inspiration!

(10) Anonymous, July 13, 2010 4:40 PM

Trivializing someone elses tribulations?

I sure wish you could empathize with other people Rabbi Solomon. Its not baseless hatred in the mind of the person undergoing the test when there is a deliberate insult/provocation. Transplanting your mindset into the mind of others others is just that 'a transplant'. Just like an organ transplant it can be rejected so can ideas be rejected.

(9) ED GOLD, July 13, 2010 1:57 PM

" TRULY SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT !!

RABBI.....WHAT A GREAT LESSON !!......IF WE COULD ALL FOCUS ON ACTS OF KINDNESS DURINGS THESE DAYS OF MOURNING AND JUDGEMENT....INSTEAD OF CARRYING BASELESS HATRED AND RESENTMENTS WITHIN US........G-D WILLING.....THE ALMIGHTY WILL BRING US CLOSER TO REDEMPTION !!.....

(8) Peggy G., July 13, 2010 1:00 PM

My kid is in Israel on a birthright trip. She's texting me a gazzion times over this and that and then suddenly texts - is this costing us money? I couldn't figure out how she could text since we live her in the U.S. but I assured her not to worry. Nothing back. I text "Are you ok?" Nothing back. Now I panic. I imagine all sorts of horrible mom stuff. I email everybody I can think of in Israel (sorry!). This morning she texts "can you check my cell phone minutes?" So I do and guess what? Unlimited text messages "free". Calls to anyone outside Israel? .18 per minute. Hardly breaking the bank. Oh, and i've lost my purse, wallet, credit cards, keys and my sense of humor but they've all come back one way or another.

(7) Anonymous, July 13, 2010 12:54 PM

measure for measure?

i have really been tested with this. Once I found a wallet lying on the ground, with a lot of cash in it and credit cards, etc. I tracked down the owner and returned every cent, and felt grateful for the mitzva. However, since then I have had my wallet stolen from me twice! And both times I had a considerable amount of cash in them, which was frustrating as i'm not well off. Why would Hashem let this happen to me when I returned someone else's wallet? It must be a test I guess, but it does not seem to be fair :(

(6) Anonymous, July 13, 2010 12:44 PM

Wallet Advice (BTW)

1. Men, keep you wallet in the front pocket of your pants where it won't contribute to spine misalignment. 2. You might want to consider attaching your wallet to your belt or purse with a key chain with rings on the ends.

(5) Ruthie, July 12, 2010 4:50 AM

When is small stuff big stuff?

Yasher Koach Rabbi Salomon on a point well made regarding basic anger management. Avoiding stress through mimimizing the frustration is a valuable technique. But what happens when the frustration is greater than mundane inconveniences. What happens when the blaring "elephant-in-the-room" phenomenon is constantly ignored by the masses and replaced by an "ants-in-my-house" sidenote? The Nine Days culminated with Tisha B'Av, the saddest day of the Jewish Calendar because our Holy City of Jerusalem was ravaged by evil and Hashem's wrath poured forth upon her and our Holy Batei Mikdashim in lieu of us; His Children. Hashem vomited us out of Our Homeland, burned down His Palace and sent us to live with cruel, sadistic, and abusive foster parents. For over two thousand years we payed the price for our sins. But guess what. Hashem loves us. Dearly. And in case anyone has not noticed the elephant in the room, Yerushalayim is no longer a ravaged city. We can no longer completely cry over the destruction of our Homeland. Nor can we completely cry over the loss of our Temple. Why? Because Hashem has given it back to us. But to many of us are too busy losing our wallets in Home Depot to realize that there with every coming year we are meriting living in the generation of the footsteps of Mashiach. The baseless hatred of the times of the Batei Mikdash do not exist in Israel as evident from any ten second conversation with any Jew living in Israel. Differences of opinion? Yes. Hatred? No. Anyone remember Gush Katif? Not one Jew raised a firearm against another Jew. Anyone remember the Kohanim from the Batei Mikdash? They killed each other in a race to do the Service in the Temple. Then argued over the status of tumah of the knife used. Elephants or ants? Where do you want to be L'Shana Habah? How about we combine both worlds and we'll meet in the Home Depot in Israel. Something to think about...

(4) Anonymous, July 11, 2010 4:09 PM

An Honest person found my wallet

Dear Rabbi, Last summer (after my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's "went off the deep end' and was in a mental institution for 3 months), I was running around like chicken with my head cut off trying to do everything around his hospitalization, plus. After a "run" to my local pharmacy where I'd bought a bagful of stuff, I came home, unpacked and HORRORS! my wallet was gone. I figured it had fallen out of my overfull shopping bag and Ran back to the pharmacy. I got hold of the first saleswoman I could find explained my situation in a PANIC! She walked me back to the checkout, reached under the counter and Handed me my Wallet!!! Some Honest person had found it and turned it in!!!. Someone in the checkout line said "Give her a kiss!" She held out her cheek and I kissed it. OK, my motto is also "Don't sweat the small stuff." But, even in light of everything going on in our (married) life (now) I'm so Happy that there are still Honest people in this world! By the way, I'm one of those people who would've turned in a lost item too.

(3) Rosen, July 11, 2010 3:22 PM

speaking volumes

When we sweat the small stuff, it may not necessarily be over nothing since there is some substance to the situation. However, we must not let the small stuff get to us so much that we are all peeved and bitter about it. I almost never lose my wallet since I keep it in my side pocket as opposed to the back pocket, so losing my wallet doesn't seem to be such an issue for me. What I do get rather upset and peeved about is when I go into a convenience store or restaurant and they "require" a certain, arbitrary minimum if I were to charge my check/credit card for a small-priced item. So, the only thing I disagree with the rabbi in this video is whether to carry cash, which is still important, since cash will probably always be king. Of course, I agree with him that we shouldn't really get worked up over the small stuff such as bad customer service experiences that have us peeved for some time...When the rabbi said, "my wallet's gone, my wallet's gone!" it reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry Seinfeld's father thought the doctor stole his wallet as he was getting an x-ray, and then a few episodes later, Jerry finds it wedged in between his couch cushions...All in all, it's usually more important to look at the bigger picture in life such as the direction we want to take our career in and who we will fall in love with and marry. The bottom line is, we should not discount all the good in our life as an automatic given since it can easily be taken away from us either by ourselves, others, or Hashem. It's important to acknowledge what we can be grateful for, especially since nothing lasts forever, at least materialistically and for those people in our life who we want to stay or go. Many of us are familiar with the quote, "what comes around, goes around."

(2) Tzipporah, July 11, 2010 12:47 PM

TIme to make change?

This is a very good lesson from Rabbi Salomon. I recently had a challenging situation for myself. I did some work for someone and they didn't give me the right change. I had just enough money on my person to give to my babysitter, and instead, I had to use it to make change. I then had to use my time and my babysitter's time to go and get change for my babysitter, something that should have been done by this person employing me. Rabbi Salomon is right though. It wasn't that big of a deal. The babysitter didn't mind the extra few minutes. It's not worth causing strife. Thank you, rabbi.

(1) Alan S., July 11, 2010 11:32 AM

I'm not so sure that the Rabbi's take on this fits the lesson he is teaching. Losing a wallet, with all of its attendant frustration, does not qualify in my book as an example of the "baseless hatred" that existed among Jewish people and helped cause the destruction of our temples. The Rabbi's message is perfect, if, in my opinion, the message he was conveying was more about dealing with everyday annoyances. The baseless hatred that caused the destruction of the temples I gather had much greater context than those of day to day annoyances. Though one could say that losing their wallet was a tragedy, the Rabbi smartly notes that it is nothing of the type. Don't sweat the small stuff. Sure, losing a wallet is a frustrating and downright inconvienent. But, it can not compare to the the real tragedy that exists in Klal Yisroel over so many Jew against Jew issues that appear in our headlines daily, as also must have existed in olden times.

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About the Author

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

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Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions. He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.

Rabbi Salomon is co-author, with Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of the best selling book "What the Angel Taught You; Seven Keys to Life Fulfillment," (Mesorah), and is also the co-producer of the highly-acclaimed film, "Inspired."

Click here to order Yaakov Salomon's new book, Salomon Says: 50 Stirring and Stimulating Stories.

In these marvelous stories -- brimming with wit, understanding, a touch of irony and a large helping of authentic Torah perspective -- we will walk with a renowned and experienced psychotherapist and popular author through the pathways of contemporary life: its crowded sidewalks, its pedestrian malls, and the occasional dead end street. This is a walk through our lives that will be fun, entertaining -- and eye-opening. In our full -- sometimes overfull -- and complex lives, Yaakov Salomon is a welcome and much-needed voice of sanity and reason.

His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.