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The #1 Reason for Marriage Problems

One rabbi’s opinion.


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Published: May 20, 2012


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Visitor Comments: 91

(77) Anonymous, August 17, 2012 4:00 AM

Divorce and children

I cannot agree enough with Sarah K. I am a divorced woman and the father of my children gave them no boarders of behaviour. I was brought up with discipline and boarders. He ridiculed my boarders in front of the kids. When we divorced the kids choose him and I am left a victim of "Parental Alienation Syndrome" unheard of in Israel. I am enstranged from my children. I had to move overseas I was so emotionally battered and needed a break. But now I have to put humpty dumpty family back together again if I want any form of Nachas.

(76) LSC, June 24, 2012 6:48 AM

The central fallacy here is that more divorces = more failed marriages. When marriages failed before, when people were suffering and unhappy, divorce was often not a viable solution. Even if legally possible (and often it was not) there was no realistic way to maintain a livelihood and place in society after a divorce - especially for women. I have never been convinced that the rise in divorces actually reflects a rise in unhappy marriages, any more than the rise in reported rapes, child abuse cases and other domestic problems really reflect that there is more of it going on - it is just not hidden and quietly suffered any more.

(75) Anonymous, June 15, 2012 5:13 PM

Rabbi Salomon is RIGHT ON TARGET!

I wonder how many of you who are so free to criticize Rabbi Salomon have ever gone through divorce?? My selfish wife left me after 17 years of marriage (stealing everything in the process). Rabbi Salomon hit the nail right on the head--people are selfish, unwilling to change, unwilling to accept any blame; they just throw everything away without thinking. VERY FEW people are truly REAL abusers, mentally ill, etc. The other spouse is simply UNWILLING to accommodate him- or herself--OK, let's be honest, usually "herself"--to the needs and idiosyncrasies of the other. But it's all good--B"H I was able to marry a truly wonderful woman and we have children of our own. You can argue with me as much as you want--BUT I'VE BEEN THERE!!

(74) Sanford J. Goodman, June 4, 2012 2:56 AM

Each spouse MUST put the other first

In paraphrasing the late President John F. Kennedy there is an important axiom. Ask not what your spouse can do for you; ask what you can do for your spouse. Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss, Rabbi of the Agudah of Staten Island compared getting a shidduch to buying a car. When it comes to buying a car it must be compatible with your needs. When it comes to a shidduch the candidate must be someone with whom you can relate. But here is something else. No matter how good of a car you buy, YOU MUST MAINTAIN IT! Likewise, no matter how compatible you and your spouse are, YOU MUST ALSO DO ROUTINE MAINTENANCE. When you are dating you are running for office (and you know what you have to win the election). When you are married you are a justice on bench of a federal court. The job is for life as long as you behave. Nevertheless, both spouses have to run for re-election every day. This means that you have do what you did when you wanted to be elected. Sanford J ("Sandy") and Chana Goodman Dallas Texas

(73) Anonymous, June 3, 2012 3:30 PM

Are we blaming the victim?

I was just wondering how many of the people who are wholeheartedly agreeing with the points made by the Rabbi have personally been though or have had a child go through a divorce. While children do seem to be spoiled i'm not sure i could agree that it is the number 1 reason for divorce. A reason for people being generally unhappy? Maybe. But primary reason for divorce? How hurtful this must be to all of the people who have gone through painful marriages with seriously dysfunctional and abusive spouses only to hear that the core of the problem is that THEY are spoiled. I think it is cruel to even suggest that - especially based on anecdotal data. Most divorces I have seen over the years in the orthodox community are due to one party being abusive, mentally ill, having some form of serious personality disorder that could not be overcome by counseling, or by plain old infidelity. To suggest otherwise risks causing more pain, guilt, and isolation of someone who has already been victimized. Anyone care to comment?

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