Three Secrets for Success in School

by Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

Back to school basics for all parents.

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Published: September 11, 2011
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Visitor Comments: 11

(8) Anonymous, September 15, 2011 6:16 AM

Stressing effort and not grades!!!

Rabbi Salomon is absolutely right about stressing effort and not grades. I have heard horror stories about those parents and educators who stress grades and expect all "A's" which is a drastic mistake. Growing up in the '60's and '70's, my parents never stressed that I should bring home all "A's" and even all "B's". They were even happy with a "C" even though I did receive "A's" and "B's" as well and also made the honor roll in junior high school with all "A's" and "B's". In senior high school, I was a "B" and "C" student also receiving "A's" on projects but on my report card receiving "B's" and "C's" which satisfied my parents. Even all "C's" would have satisfied them. Therefore, I was never afraid of going to school and actually enjoyed going to school very much. I loved going to the library and doing research papers. I am raising my children in the same way that I was raised. This is the only way to true success. Unfortunately, most educators do not agree with this philosophy and only pay attention to the "A" students which is a drastic mistake and could G-d forbid cause grave consequences. Unfortunately, the educators themselves must be educated about how to educate children. Also, Rabbi Salomon is absolutely right about not allowing cell phones next to a child's bed. Aside from that, as someone else mentioned, it is very dangerous for a child to use a cell phone. It is also dangerous for an adult nonetheless a child which is triply dangerous.

(7) Anonymous, September 13, 2011 11:36 PM

you forgot the obvious

how about some fun time when the kids come home from school instead of yelling about chores and homework? get out your popcorn popper and sit down on the floor - even if it's only for half an hour and have a CONVERSATION with them. or make a plate of fruit and sit on the couch with them. The home has to be a CALM place. I know it's hard, our days are crazy and stressful. But doing that is GOOD FOR YOU TOO. and as the person above said, Sitting down to dinner is SACRED. We do it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

(6) Suzanne, September 13, 2011 5:52 PM

Great advise, rabbi!

I would only add that it is really important for parents to have DINNER TIME. This is such a de-stresser. Cook good food so the house smells nice, insist everyone sit down together and talk to each other!

(5) Anonymous, September 13, 2011 5:44 PM

What to do about lying?

My child constantly lies about not having homework when she clearly does -- anyone else have any tips on how to deal with that?

Anonymous, September 13, 2011 11:31 PM

the answer is here

I had that problem. My daughter has a private teacher three nights a week- sometimes Sunday as well if she has a test . This teacher (actually several, depending on the subject) reviews what she learned and does the homework with her. That's what they get when they lie about not having homework, and not passing a single subject. Now she is up studying till 8:30 at night - no TV.

Sarah, September 19, 2011 10:31 AM

Is it really the answer?

Why does your daughter lie? Could she be feeling under terrible strain? Does she feel unable to cope with her workload? If so, maybe getting extra lessons three nights a week is adding to her emotional strain? It may improve her grades in the short term but could it possibly create feelings of inability to cope in the long term? I'm not saying you're wrong, but i had a similar situation with my son, and to resolve it i insisted that details of all h/work given was noted in his student planner, so i could see at a glance exactly what he needed to do, and i would sit down with him every evening to help him get organized, then be close on hand if he had any questions. I would then make a note in his planner to let his teachers know that the work had been done. Children sometimes feel as overwhelmed by things as we do. Staying calm, kind, positive and helpful is the only way to go. My way of dealing with this issue may not work for everyone but it made sure that not only did my son get the necessary work done to the best of his ability, most importantly he knew i had time for him and felt supported. Private lessons are a fantastic way of supplementing our own efforts, but we still have to put in the time ourselves. My son was written off as a "non academic under achiever" at age 13 but is now in his last year of a degree in Politics, in line for a 1st, at a very, very good university. We both look back fondly on the many, many hours we sat at the kitchen table together once the little ones were in bed. It was priceless 'our time'. I guess they call it "quality time" nowadays. I know we can pay people to help, but the emotional support, warmth and patience we give our children is priceless, whatever their problems may be. Please don't read any of this as criticism, but perhaps you are a little harsh? You clearly have your daughter's best interests at heart. I wish you both well and hope she grows into a happy, successful adult.

Daniel Grama, September 14, 2011 7:00 AM

A system that includes the parents, teacher and child.

Firstly, the child should know that you are aware of them lying. Second, communication with teacher and child together, with a system for the parent to be notified about the assignment. Then, or course, is the larger question, is this the only issue the child is lying about?

(4) Anonymous, September 13, 2011 3:25 PM

Wonderful tips

Thank you for the encouraging ideas. I didn't know about kids using cellphones late at night as my kids are a bit too young for that. But I did just want to point out to parents that it has been proven that exposure to cellphones is dangerous for KIDS under 8 years old. (Google Univ. of Pittsburgh cell phone study. Kids skulls are not developed enough to protect them from the real radiation that comes from cellphones. Also allowing babies to play with cellphones is a very bad idea as the phones are transmitting all the time, at close range to the baby's head. )

(3) Anonymous, September 13, 2011 12:29 PM

Thank you.

Excellent basic and succinct advise. Thank you.

(2) thank you!, September 12, 2011 2:20 AM

This is great advice, thank you. Another tip that I saw written by R' Lazer Brody,is to minimize the amount of sugar your child consumes.

(1) Harry Pearle, September 11, 2011 1:31 PM

SHARE 2 CARE (Learning Motivation)

I think the most important key to learning success is MOTIVATION. And I think the greatest motivator for learning is SHARING ideas with other students. You can be studying a subject which is frustrating or boring..........If you share ideas and questions with others, that makes it more interesting...........It is the CHAVRUSA idea.............When you share, you care, you make others friends by caring..........Sharing can involve a very simple thing............But the simple thing can motivate you to learn a great deal. CARE 2 SHARE. See: SavingSchools.org .

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About the Author

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon

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Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions. He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.

Rabbi Salomon is co-author, with Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of the best selling book "What the Angel Taught You; Seven Keys to Life Fulfillment," (Mesorah), and is also the co-producer of the highly-acclaimed film, "Inspired."

Click here to order Yaakov Salomon's new book, Salomon Says: 50 Stirring and Stimulating Stories.

In these marvelous stories -- brimming with wit, understanding, a touch of irony and a large helping of authentic Torah perspective -- we will walk with a renowned and experienced psychotherapist and popular author through the pathways of contemporary life: its crowded sidewalks, its pedestrian malls, and the occasional dead end street. This is a walk through our lives that will be fun, entertaining -- and eye-opening. In our full -- sometimes overfull -- and complex lives, Yaakov Salomon is a welcome and much-needed voice of sanity and reason.

His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.