Feminism and Judaism

Three decades of feminism have left women with a new version of the quip: If you're so liberated, why aren't you happy?

Women at the advent of the new millennium have higher salaries, more corporate power, and more career choices. We also have more divorces, more custody battles, more childcare crises, and -- if the truth be told -- more conflict about who we really are and what we really want.

We want to be whole. We want it all. We want to be women while actualizing the full range of our potentials. And we should -- we were made to strive for completion.

Judaism believes in wholeness, in the valid claims of contrasting aspects:

in being part of a society while remaining a unique people;

in being part of a community while maintaining one's individuality;

in being a full-fledged part of the world while also being a woman.

Before focusing specifically on the Jewish view of how women can flourish in modern society without experiencing conflict, let us look at contemporary reality.

THE RISE AND FALL OF THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER

We of the Western world have just invested about 30 years in rebelling against the advertising industry's "Happy Homemaker" feminine ideal. The Happy Homemaker was the coiffured blond-haired, ever-smiling, empty-headed female whose sole pleasures in life were serving the moistest cake possible to her family and having dishes she could see herself in.

The Happy Homemaker was not Jewish. The stereotype she represented was antithetical to the idealized Jewish vision of womanhood, portrayed as early as in King Solomon's time in his poem "A Woman of Valor."

There we see qualities such as wisdom, courage, creativity, business acumen, and the profound insight to recognize how to relate to individuals according to their specific needs.

Nowhere is "lovin'" spoken of as synonymous with "something from the oven."

Women's contributions to society have always been far more than physical. The tragedy is that this obvious fact has too often gone unrecognized. This is not to say that physical nurture is not a very real expression of caring. However, it is only one part of a complex mosaic of personal feminine self-expression. It is a gross distortion to equate this part with the whole.

The Happy Homemaker was not the first woman to idealize nurture and feminine self-actualization in such limited terms. But before her time, the practical exigencies of life gave household jobs greater meaning. In pre-industrial society, women were valued -- and valued themselves -- for their irreplaceable contributions to the functioning of the home. While many women would have undoubtedly welcomed the opportunity to be freed from some of the tedium involved (as would have men from the tedium of their jobs), they felt the importance of their role if for no other reason than the absence of machines which could perform the same tasks.

The desire to contribute something of true value still burned in the hearts and minds of many women. The technological liberation of the homemaker (i.e. gas and electric stoves, washing machines, ready-made clothes, prepared food, etc.) left women asking, "What do I do with my life now?" and the answer came back from Madison Avenue: "Bake another cake."

The Happy Homemaker arrived on the scene as the role-model woman who continued to glow with fulfillment while totally immersing herself in the dwindling and increasingly meaningless domestic chores that remained to be done.

Claiming men's rights is like claiming a kamikaze pilot as an equal job opportunity.

The inevitable result of this was the erosion of whatever status had hitherto been ascribed to traditional feminine roles. After all, no one could be fooled for long -- how important was that cake?

Not unpredictably, the Happy Homemaker's baking lost its taste after one generation. In the wake of her demise, a new woman was born seeking gratification that could not be found in even the flakiest pie crust. And thus began the wholesale abandonment of homemaking and even motherhood in favor of occupations outside of the home, which imparted the sense that one was doing something worthwhile.

FROM FEMINISM TO CAREERISM TO MASCULISM

"Feminism," as quickly as it gained momentum, lost its calling as a movement to promote women's rights to total self-actualization, and instead rapidly atrophied into "careerism."

What we are left with today is a situation in which, more than ever, women's spiritual contributions to home, family, and others are unrecognized, not only by men, but, more painfully, by women themselves.

An incident revealing disdain for traditional female roles occurred to me personally. Several years ago, the Israeli census taker came to our home. For various reasons I chose not to participate. My children were in school, and the census taker, a woman, found me sitting at the dining room table surrounded by books, looking very professorial. I took time to discuss with her, in Hebrew, my philosophical stance, over a cup of coffee. She was very interested, and left at least respecting my intellectual clarity about my position.

Now, the law requires that anyone refusing to take part in the census must be visited again, so a few weeks later she reappeared. In the meantime, of course, she had interviewed hundreds of people, so she did not recognize me from our previous discussion. This time she saw the Friday morning me. I was surrounded by small children and elbow-deep in challah dough. Surmising my intellectual capacity with a cursory glance at the scene, she pointed at the paper she held and speaking slowly and clearly in beginner's Hebrew said, "This--is--a--census. A--census--is--when--we--count--people. We--want--to--count--ALL--the- people. Sign--this." To her, being a mother and housewife excluded any possibility of my being an intelligent human being.

The discrediting of women in their traditional roles has lead inevitably to a prejudice against womanhood and in favor of manhood which extends across the board. In the end, many of us have succumbed to the pervasive bias that, simply put, anything men have, do, or are is de facto better and more desirable than what women have, do, or are. Shockingly few of us even pause to question this assumption.

Thus, mainstream feminism should really be called, "masculism," because it glorifies everything that pertains to men and seeks to appropriate it for women.

A good example of this glorification of what pertains to men without questioning its value, either for men or for women, is the "feminine cigarette." When Virginia Slims launched itself at the beginning of the feminist movement, its advertising campaign went something like this:

Men have oppressed women by withholding from them the right to smoke, so that women were forced to smoke in secret. Now a woman can prove her liberated status not only by smoking in public, but by smoking specifically feminine cigarettes, made just for her.

The question was never asked: But is smoking good for women? Claiming the right to smoke because men had it, is like claiming the right to be a kamikaze pilot as an equal job opportunity.

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Feminism and Judaism

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Published: January 8, 2000

Visitor Comments: 65

(64) Lynn, May 26, 2013 9:42 PM

feminism is the answer, not the problem.

Feminism has helped women gain the vote, access to safe healthcare, access to higher education, better working conditions, maternity leave, the right to own and inherit property, the right to pursue nontraditional careers.... Really the list goes on and on. Without feminism women would still be "chattel" ....unable to own property, unable to vote, with the same legal status as a cow. remember how Help Wanted ads in the newspapers used to be divided into men's jobs and women's jobs? Remember when women were barred from attending medical and law school? The Rule of Thumb was a legal standard that allowed men to beat their wives as long as they used an object no wider than his thumb! Feminism (I.e., the desire for equal rights) changed all that. there is a lot of work still left to be done. sexual harassment, and even assault are commonplace at work, at home and at school. gender discrimination is still rampant. Women are still held back by glass ceilings. violence against women, domestic violence and violent and demeaning images of women still exist on television and in movies. Feminism seeks to eliminate these problems so that women can be free to make their own choices. Feminism does not disparage motherhood and marriage. It seeks to protect it and promote it. feminism is not responsible for the divorce rate. In fact conservative Christians have the highest divorce rate of any group in America. feminism celebrates stay at home mothers as well as career-oriented women. Any woman or man who disparages women in traditional and non-traditional roles can not call themselves feminist. Those people who do are merely confused and misguided souls, the product of an unbalanced and violent world culture that seeks to oppress women. Feminism is currently working to end this global war on women, tackling issues such as genital mutilation and sexual slavery around the globe. You don't really think men yare going to take that on do you?

(63) Anonymous, August 4, 2012 5:23 AM

Technology not feminism

The role of the housewife has largely been eradicated not because of feminism, but because of technology (dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, conserved food like jam) which eliminated the need for housewives to spend hours on those tasks. As for education: an intelligent, educated woman can do that better than most schools, but such an education does not allow for the character-building that school forces onto students, nor, in most cases, a foreign-language education, which must be practiced daily with a person who is both a competent speaker and instructor.

(62) Molly, August 20, 2011 11:45 PM

Wonderful! I am an at home mother of five, and I constantly hear, "What do you do?" After hearing that I homeschool five children and run my household, I hear, "What did you do BEFORE?" I feel wonderful about my life's work, which is shaping the souls and minds of young people and setting the tone of the household. These things CAN NOT be delegated to strangers! So I am proud to be a housewife. So please, please, stop asking me when I'm "going back to work", or what I "used to do". What I'm doing now has value! Oh, and I'm also a member of Mensa........

(61) L Gordon, April 20, 2011 4:41 PM

Shocked

I must register my disagreement with the main article. While noting that a certain strain of feminism went over-board into a similar kind of gender obsessed arrogance as, a lot of their male counterparts. It would be disingenuous and incorrect to say that they caused the mounting devorces and associated issues. When one looks at women throughout history; for the most part they are written about more often than not through their relationships to males as viewed through the eyes of males. Was the advertising for the cigarette campaign devised by women? I think not. Feminism like the Civil Rights Movement in the US and the need for Isreal to get her homeland back; did not happen in a vaccum, they came out of great opression. It would be an error to forget the history of attitudes to women. This is cross-culture right across the sphere of humanity. In a some cultures women were not and even now are forbidded to have and education, an opinion or speak unless their husbands gave them permission to do so in public. I'm glad my great grandmother; grandmother; mother and aunt, worked to look after all of us, the males were conspicuous by their absence even when they were physically around. They believed only in serving themselves. So when I see them hanging abound the grandchildren now, I shake my head in wonderment and sheer disgust. If you really want to know how well males respect and value females, listen to the way they insult each other in gest or otherwise. See how many ajectives associated with females they use. In saying all of this I have met and seen - even stayed with families where everyone including the males are involved and pulling together. This is not to say that they have utopia, they take the rough with the smooth like everyone else.

(60) Jane, March 16, 2011 11:23 PM

Ambivalent....but it missed the mark

I certainly did not benefit from feminism. Of course, as a 60 woman, I could not expect to benefit the way a 50 or 40 woman might expect. For me, it has done more harm than good. Because I was a mom and housewife until I was 40ish, I went back to school and into the job market too late to make a real financial difference. I was then left much more poor than I could have been if my years of raising my family was considered as a monetary value, despite having 2 college educated children. Some of my experience may have been just bad luck, like a husband who took all of the money from the 25 year marriage and hiding it from the courts. I found too that the needs of women in couples and families were considered a priority over singles in the work place. Single working people in the US subsidize couple and families. I have experienced not only sexual harrassment on the job, but sexual discrimination in education and the work place. So, it is hard to convince me that feminism as a movement has been helpful. I think our society was slowly changing due to economic needs and society's naturally evolving changes. Feminism made men hostile, as well a large proportion of women, toward women. Women who benefited were those who developed a more masculine attitude overall. (Are they called Shape shifters by Shamans? :) )

(59) L.S., March 14, 2011 3:09 AM

Ludicrous!

Rebetzin Heller--why aren't YOU a homemaker? You WRITE books, TRAVEL for speaking arrangements, and TEACH classes. A bit hypocritical, no? I have read this book in its entirety on more than once occasion. While I do agree that Feminism has gone way too extreme in some areas (I am actually quite conservative), discounting ALL of Feminism is simply ridiculous. I am extremely proud of my education and feel that Hashem gave me my education to benefit society both IN and OUT of my domestic sphere. I plan to always work, even if only part time, not only because it is unfair to put all the financial burden on a man, but also, because if G-D forbid I become widowed or divorced, I do not want to be forced into a minimum wage job. I am in a helping profession which is severely understaffed and for me to quit my job to stay home and cook and clean all day is not only a waste of time, but also immoral, as I have skills to benefit society and staying at home would be a very selfish thing to do. No joke, when I daven, I thank Hashem every day for my education and job skills, and putting them to practical use OUTSIDE of my home is the strongest way of expressing gratitude.

Anonymous, March 3, 2013 2:22 PM

Excellent response L.S

(58) Basya, March 13, 2011 11:07 AM

Amanda -- why do you think religious women are not born in Israel?

Amanda, #38, why do you think that religious women in Israel are all, or even mostly, immigrants? Israel has, thank G-d, a quite large native frum community, of which something around half of them are women. Also, I am not sure you read the incident carefully. That *same* census taker came to the *same* house, speaking to the *same* woman (Rebbetzin Heller) treater her *completely differently* those two times....

(57) IrisB, March 11, 2011 6:59 PM

Hoo-boy! Does she got it wrong!

If "women's work' is to be glorified (by those who have a problem with the feminist movement), why is it that the wealthy (OJ rabbi families included), will hire (at minimum wage) household help to do the cleaning, cooking and caring for the children - even when the mother is home full time? Household help has always been paid on the lowest level (McDonald's workers are paid better, with benefits!). Why? Because a homemaker's work is considered low skill. Anyone can throw clothes into the washer, push a vacuum, mop a floor and change a diaper. Because I was allowed to get a higher education, and therefore increase my employment opportunities, I don't have to do the mundane, low level household chores if I don't want to. I can pay someone else to do it for me. Iris

(56) TMay, March 11, 2011 9:47 AM

Einstein and Golda

When my grandmother came to North America by ship she brought her rolling pin with her. In the old country when a girl came of age she went to a woodworker who made a rolling pin to fit the girl by the width of her shoulders and also included spacers depending on the height of the dough she planned to work with. With the rolling pin, my grandmother made matzah balls, and challah, and the dough for kreplach, and Hamantaschen, and mandel bread. When Jewish women were planning an exhibit on women’s contributions, my mother offered it. It was rejected. It didn’t represent a “career”. My mother came home and said that they had just dissed thousands of years of women’s contributions to their families. My mother gave a lot of time as a volunteer to charities. Einstein said “Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." My sister’s mother -in-law used to say when people were upset ”in 100 years will anyone worry about what you are upset about now?” Yes if you raise a decent human being, it can have an affect 100 years from now. If a doctor or a nurse saves a person’s life, it can have an effect 100 years from now. If someone is a good parent or a good teacher, it can have an affect 100 years from now. Maybe that is why Judaism values those professions. Not everyone can be a good doctor, nurse, teacher, or mother. Golda Meier Prime Minister of Israel said "Women’s Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It’s the men who are discriminated against. They can’t bear children. And no one’s likely to do anything about that. Newsweek (1972 -10-23) " and "(Asked if she feels handicapped at being a woman minister) she answered "I don’t know - I’ve never tried being a man." Reading other people's comments about the longing of women for intelligent adult conversation when at home, I suggest that they listen to talk radio which we in the US are lucky enough to have.

(55) TMay, March 11, 2011 7:13 AM

Einstein quote

When my grandmother came to North America she brought with her her rolling pin. In the old country a girl when she came of age went to a woodworker who created a rolling pin that fit her, by the width of her shoulders and included spacers for use with different heights of dough. With the rolling pin she made matzah balls for chicken soup, dough for knedels, dough to make challah, dough for Hamantaschen, and mandelbread. When women were creating an exhibit on contributions by women my mother offered them this rolling pin, which they rejected. My mother came back angry and said they dissed thousands of years of women's contribution to their families. My mother did a lot of charity work. Einstein once said that "everything that can be counted does not necessarily count, and everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted." My sister's mother -in-law used to tell people to not get upset and her question used to be "100 years from now, will what you are getting upset about matter?" There is not much that will make a difference 100 years from now. Creating a good human being can have an effect 100 years from now. If you are a doctor, saving a human being can have an effect 100 years from now. Maybe that is why Jews value doctors so much. Not everyone gets to be a doctor nor nurse nor teacher nor even a mother.

(54) Winkler, March 10, 2011 5:34 PM

What is wrong with assisting in the census?

Curious, thank you.

(53) shoshana, March 10, 2011 3:57 PM

Who will pay my bills?

When I was 42 years old I was widowed and left to raise my children on my own. Fortunately, I am educated and capable of supporting myself. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had to make it on a minimum wage job. Life insurance and social security only go so far. How many of you who believe women belong at home would be willing to pay my bills?

(52) Berel Beyer, March 9, 2011 8:24 PM

Over-simplifies feminism & ignores important issues facing Orthodoxy today

I'm sorry to say that Rebbetzin Heller's picture of feminism is grossly oversimplified. If she has read really almost any feminist literature from the past twenty years, I can't see how she would make the analogy Feminism = careerism = glorification of the masculine. This is just simply not true. Furthermore, this article completely ignores very important and pressing debates that are raging withing modern orthodoxy (should women be trained to answer questions of halkha, should women be allowed to teach gemara, what, if any role should women have in public synagogue life, etc.). It may be that Rebbetzin Heller would reject any of this offhand (large segments of the orthodox world does just that), or it may be that she would present a nuanced argument in favor of some things and against others. But is it fair to publish an article entitled "Feminism and Judaism" and *completely* ignore these issues? Aish seems to make a concerted effort to reach out to a broad Jewish audience. Well, according to nearly every poll on the issue, about 1/3 of American women identify as "feminist." I'm sorry to say that this article grossly simplifies what it means to be a feminist.

(51) Anonymous, March 9, 2011 5:40 PM

I enjoyed your article and agree w/your insights and conclusion. But, couldn't help but wonder if in another way "we" are masculinising women in a sector of the religious community by teaching them that the ideal husband is one that learns-full time-even after the kids have arrived. Thus making her the breadwinner, bread baker and of course mother. Men are becoming weaker and less masculine and women because they are doing their job plus his are becoming stronger and more masculine. This is a by-product not of Madison Avenue but from within the Religious Community.

(50) , March 9, 2011 4:52 PM

The secret of the happiness in our lives is looking for a balance with all our roles.

It's excelent and true what you wrote. I want to add something that I considere fundamental. The secret is to find a balance,a balance between what I think,what I want and what can I do.These does not mean choosing a single role, it's to try to combine the personal growth with the professional development. Looking for the happiness at the same time that you are looking for be succesful in your carrer outside your home.We can not thinking that if we are successful we will be happy.The choose in our life is to be happy, and that happiness includes the successful. Raquel Rochwerger, San Jose, Costa Rica

(49) Baal, March 9, 2011 1:53 PM

some won't get it

As Gloria Steinhem admitted “feminism has always been about communism..." I think Dave is parroting the propaganda party "line" as most of society does not understand that while Feminism (like socialism) promises "freedom and justice for all" particularly for women, it has had exactly the opposite effect. All women are NOT equal in the eyes of modern feminism. And men are irrelevant which has completely demoralized the family as a concept which has diminished everyone. “Stay at home” mothers are treated with condescension at times scorn, all social efforts by feminism is designed to empower the anti-family agenda from the glorification of lesbianism, abortion to single motherhood. As the Akriba remarked (to paraphrase) it you want to see the plant, understand the ground. Cause and effect tangibility define something not words and the effect has been a weaker family, demoralized/unstable manhood, embittered woman hood and stagnant spirituality. True Feminism as begun in the early 20th century was designed to force men in to fidelity and family loyalty through social action. Laws were passed to make it a crime to abandon ones family and/or live a lifestyle of open adultery (although rarely enforced). It was high jacked in the early 60’s to inundate society with Marxist mythologies on sexuality and socialist propaganda on “oppressive patriarchialism”. AND not to mention, discourage a Judaic/biblical lifestyle which is family centric. True “feminism” is torah consciousness which empowers and honors women in their most IMPERATIVE abilities and talents (see Proverbs 31): to develope the next generation of citizens that will carry society to greater enlightenment. The abandonment of women of their G-d commanded mission has been a disaster for society. Women, men and above all Children.

(48) Ionah Estevez - Breton, March 9, 2011 11:53 AM

Kids are paying a very high price !!

Great article ! I think the worst consequence of this "masculism" is that the weakest part in the family is paying the highest price : kids ! ... instead of having a caring mother at home most of the time, they are increasingly being raised by internet, TV or baby- sitters. That´s a very negative social & cultural consequence !!!

(47) imelda yochevet Uziel Pearce, March 9, 2011 7:49 AM

feminism or masculinism?

I am so happy to have this quandry be recognized. I am 58 years old and am still struggling with being just' a housewife. I am too embarassed to admit what I do ; only recently have I called myself a 'homemaker." i keep looking for what I 'really' should be doing with my life. After my son was born, when I was 43, my Dad was sitll asking me why I was a failure. Is the author Israeli?

(46) Dave, March 9, 2011 4:07 AM

Don't lose sight of the real purpose....

Kudos to Rebbetzin Heller for her article. It is important not to lose sight of the value of traditional roles, as they work well for many women, and men. However, feminism was not intended to make women into men, only to provide them with opportunities previously forbidden them. For those who want to remain at home, fine. Their contributions are critical. However, not all women were meant to be homemakers. Some are better off working. They should be free to go as far as their desires and talents can take them. Also, let's not forget that millions of women were, and continue to be, trapped in abusive relationships because they did not have the opportunities to support themselves and their children. They absolutely must have those opportunities to leave a bad situation and break the cycle of abuse. A world which pays a woman half as much as a man for the same work perpetuates this cycle. This is the kind of injustice that feminists continue to fight against, and we must not forget it. As for "feminine cigarettes," I remember that advertising campaign from my early years. The dangers of smoking were already well known by that time. But, if a woman wants to destroy her body with tar and nicotine, she deserves the same opportunity as a man to do it. Hopefully, both genders are learning to avoid such self-destructive behavior. In conclusion, feminism is, or at least should be, about opportunity, not changing women into something they're not. Let them be whatever they wish, whether that's traditional or otherwise.

(45) Anonymous, March 8, 2011 11:05 PM

feminism in many guises

Having grown into womanhood in the '50's, I have witnessed the lack of empowerment women experienced prior to the feminist revolution. When 50% of the adult population was assigned a lower track with respect to employment and education the entire society suffers. I think it would do you good to review Betty Friedan's famous book, "The Feminine Mystique" and gain a keener understanding of the 'malady without a name.' Women need to feel fulfilled within their homelife and their worklife. Noone questions this need for self actualization in men, but apparently even today it is considered controversial for women. Do you ever wonder how it came to be that so many families have moved away from Judaism? I think one central reason for it is that 50% of the Jewish population, the female group, were rarely educated in their religion in the "Happy Days" of the '50's. Maybe women were taught to keep a kosher home, light candles, prepare for holidays, etc., but when it came to knowledge or education it was considered unnecessary. I came from a religious family, but was not sent to yeshiva since I was female. I did attend Talmud Torah in an Orthodox synagogue. Only three female students were in my class, and one was my cousin. The rest of my Jewish girlfriends were taking ballet and piano lessons.

(44) Chaiah Schwab, March 8, 2011 10:01 PM

Re: breast cancer risk lowered by childbearing &/or nursing

In answer to #31 & #33, I had the mistaken belief that having given birth to and breast-fed eight children, I didn't have to worry about breast cancer, so I only got one mamogram when I was in my late forties, (years ago). Fortunately, my daughter-in-law explained to me that nursing only protects you from cancer before menopause. Since she had lost her mother to breast cancer, I decided to get a mamogram. Need I say?: Just in time; I am now a survivor, B"H (thank G-d). I asked my doctors, who confirmed this info, but of course you should ask yours. Also, if I had been doing the self exams properly, I would have found one of the lumps, so go ask your doctor or nurse how to do it correctly. And thank you, Rebbitzen Heller, for the great article, and Aish.com for reprinting it!

(43) yehudit, March 8, 2011 8:48 PM

been there, done that

I have done both. I worked full time for over a decade and ran the design department of a major publishing firm thru 2 children and a pregnancy: now I am a full time mother of 5. I will say one thing: mothering is without a doubt the most challenging, intellectually and physically, thing I have ever done and will ever do in my life. Physically, we know why. Intellectually? I need to be in tune with everyones needs and moods: i need to find creative solutions on the spot on a constant basis: I am problem solving daily and on top of it trying to manage the logistics of the household. I'm not that great at it, which makes me all the more aware of what a huge challenge it is, since I've always been someone who does things easily. I'm not saying this to be facetious: I really mean it when I say that I am mentally exhausted sometimes after managing the psychological minefield of 5 children in the late afternoon... and I really do consider this mentally stimulating. In fact, problem solving is one of the Brain Excercise Therapies recommended for ADHD children to strengthen their frontal lobes....so for all those who criticise the humdrum existence of the homemaker, think again... it's pure brain food!!! The only thing I think is lacking from mothering and housekeeping is the inevitable need for more adult communication. That doesn't make it less challenging or worthy. So when I feel that I need an "outlet" it's not that I am not satisfied with my daily role, rather that I need to express myself in a way that my children won't understand,and I think that is really the problem for most women: and hence the "grass is greener on the male side" . Men are feeding and satisfying their adult egos all day long. When they get home they want some babying. For the housewife it is the opposite. THis doesn't mean we are not satisfied: in fact it means we are complex and multifaceted human beings, something to embrace and nurture, both in ourselves AND in our husbands!

(42) Anonymous, March 8, 2011 7:05 PM

Ya gotta be kidding!

Please. Just because someone expresses a view different from someone else's doesn't give the second person license to trample on the first person's opinions. Women around the world are treated as "less than" by society. More victims of violence are women, more people living in poverty are women, the list goes on and on. In light of International Women's Day, quickly approaching, I'm appalled that Aish promotes such negative views about women in general and about about feminism in particular. Anyone who thinks "masculism" is the new feminism clearly has no idea what real feminism means: the liberation of ALL humans from all forms of oppression. I'm really disappointed in Aish.

(41) Anonymous, March 8, 2011 5:22 PM

irony

The Rebbetzin's opportunity to write this column, to work as a college lecturer, to vote, and to speak in public, owes much to decades of feminist activisim. She should recognize that her ability to criticize feminism owes much to the movement itself.

(40) Anonymous, March 8, 2011 4:38 PM

Rebettzin Heller's arguments does not make sense

I really do enjoy reading the Aish articles but does anyone edit or review these articles? Rebbettzin's Heller's argument that feminism is masculism based on personal experience ( and one event which can be interpreted on so many ways) and cigarette commercials? That is a huge leap! I suggest that Rebbetzin Heller conduct more research into this topic before she comes up with these ridiculous unfounded conclusions. Feminism has made significant contributions that I am sure she herself has enjoyed including the privledge to be recognized for her Torah knowledge and hopefully to be paid as much as her male peers for the articles she submits for publication.

(39) Anonymous, March 8, 2011 4:37 PM

This article is assuming that feminism is about women becoming like men. Coming from a feminist jewish household, I know that real feminism is about both men and women being able to actualize their own aspirations in life--whether that be a man choosing a career seen as feminine, or a women choosing a masculine career. The idea is not what one should be, it is what one wants to be. We do not all fit into artificial predefined gender roles as defined by mainstream american society. As a Jew, I know that the women in my family have always been valued as strong leaders, both within the family and in the community, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Everyone should be able to live up to the most they could be.

(38) Amanda, March 8, 2011 3:59 PM

Another reason

Could the reason that the census taker spoke to you like that be because she was more accustomed to religious women being recent immigrants to Israel and not being proficient in Hebrew? This is not a function of lack of intelligence, but rather not living in the area for very long. I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that most of the religious women she comes into contact with don't speak modern Hebrew very well.

(37) Ephraim, March 8, 2011 3:40 PM

Are women being valued in all synagogs with equitable environments to pray?

Look closely at the environments that are available for women to pray in all synagogs and then reflect on issues of respect and appropriate equality.

(36) aliza, March 8, 2011 2:54 PM

what should women do?

Dear Rebbetzin Heller, I am not a feminist and agree that women do not need to be like men to be special and feel fulfilled. the question unanswered though, is, what are women supposed to do when machines do it all for us and all that is left is the pie with the perfect crust? some jewish people seem to view the women's role as inferior to the men's role due to this pie baking image that has replaced what women used to do. what is the solution for the modern day women who loves her children but needs to do more than just sit at home and wait for them to come home from school? can you maybe write a second article? practical application of this one.. thank you so much for this excellent article!

(35) ruth housman, March 8, 2011 2:25 PM

out of the oven

I totally agree with this article, and I feel, so many women were made to feel "less than" during this time of push towards being equal to men in the marketplace. We are equal, and we always were, but perhaps this was a necessary evolutionary step in bringing this question full circle. It certainly brought the ideas forward, that women, in being "forward" deserved better, in terms of income in the workplace, and respect for intelligence and wisdom that is deeply from a place of nurturance. Many women strove too hard, and in so doing, they had reputations for being aggressive, pushy, and for denying aspects of femininity that are traditionally associated with women. It's a mixed bag, for sure. Pant suits came in. Women cut their hair. And they got the right to vote, in terms of who and what they thought they wanted. We are still the bearers of children, and what cooks inside, both inside of us, those first little kicks, designating LIFE, and what we cook, to nurture our children in every possible way, is a truly amazing gift. And then we clean, do domestic work, and also go out, for those who do, into the world of JOB jobs. It's sad, that all the volunteering we did and still do, is so often designated as less than, because income is not coming out of this. The true value of women, is that we are all of us, keepers of what is very precious, and that is, our children, our responsibility to the next generation, and in motherhood itself, is probably the most valuable possession we have, the education and mothering of children, to foster the next generation and the next, in the most positive and loving of ways. Yes what rises. As yeast rises. Like challah, a gold braid! To "raise" a child.

(34) Anonymous, March 7, 2011 8:18 PM

Chauvinism and Judiasm.

Feminism may have empowered women to a certain degree but it hasn't changed much of what people think of women. Sadly, chauvinism and sex discrimination still exists for I have experienced both first hand. Apparently people are reluctant to hire Jewish women (married and non married) because of the stereotype they are labeled with. They are asked intrusive questions that men wouldn't be asked. The salary wage of a woman is less than of a man. Women need to work to financially make ends meet just as much as men. Most men I've dated did not want women to be housewives. Times are turbulent and we feel we have no other choice but to ditch our happy homemaking ways in order to support our families. We all can't expect to marry men with 6 figure careers. If we have to enter the workforce, we may as well explore and pursue our desired careers.

(33) Ariana, March 3, 2011 1:03 PM

Elisheba, as far as I know (and I work in a medical profession), pregnancy and child birth are way more dangerous than not being pregnant and besides won't guarantee not getting breast or any other cancers. Besides I at least don't believe in a God who would punish a woman for not being able to or wanting have children, for whatever reason (infertility, not finding a spouse as well as deciding not to). Being able to have children is an amazing gift to all of us women and recognising the toll it can take, physically and emotionally (as well as its rewards of course), can, I think, bring us closer to appreciating the tremendous task that motherhood is. I'm not a mother yet but watching closely those who are, I can say it is one of the hardest "professions" there are and seems to be definitely worth it!

(32) Anonymous, January 11, 2011 1:42 PM

right on!

I feel such relief that a woman wrote this! As an academic-cum-stay-at-home- mom I've felt like I"m the only woman on the planet who questions whether adopting the male, western definition of what constitues 'a good life' , or what it means to be human, is positive or creative. It seems so much of what has been so destructive in male culture is mindlessly absorbed by feminism if it leads to power and 'self fulfillment' or privilege. In particular, capitalist notions of the 'rightness' of competition and careerism really seem to me to be destructive in the extreme and the growing mental health crisis with children seems worth some of our attention doesn't it? I'm just bewildered by why 'male' means better -- except that it seems to be, and maybe always has been, fashionable to prefer self promotion, rugged 'individualism' and sometimes pure egotism, to the care and welfare of others or more altruistic goals. I think there is a merger of western individual values here and feminism that is not being scrutinised. I just think it is ultimately really destructive to the poor, the children, the handicapped, the ones who don't 'make it' -- the ones in the past many women were proud of caring about. Also there is enormous irony, for me, in the fact that while we have more women professionals and CEOs etc. they are being catered to by a huge subclass of women who take care of their children and clean their houses etc. while they are off doing something more important, like writing advertising copy for cigarettes, no sorry, something healthy like frozen pizzas.

(31) elisheba, November 1, 2010 2:48 PM

Ignoring what we are designed for

Women are perfectly designed for childbearing, breastfeeding, & nurturing. Those who do not - raise their risk of cancer. Science confirms the benefit of traditional roles. Elisheba R.N.

(30) catlady, September 6, 2010 6:29 PM

she laughs at the time to come a time when the moon will shine like the light of the sun and the sun like the light of the seven days on her tongue is a Torah of steadfast love unfortunatley these days so many feminists have succumbed to JEw hatred and so many JEws to feminist hatred seeing only the bad She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness feminists have sought to get women's care of the elderly recognized feminists have worked to see that pregnant women not get fired from jobs they need to keep their families fed femiists have worked on women's healthcare issues that where largely ignored or not treated well one example being breast cancer which used to be treated only with radical mastectomy but thanks to feminists we have increased awareness early detection and hopefully lumpectomies and less invasive proceedures. Her children rise up and call her blessed her husband also granted there is way to much abortion in the world and that needs to stop yet still in Adfrica 5000000 woimen a year die from pregnancy related causes. THe impetus for less strict abortion laws arouse from the fact that women were dying from illegal abortions. Respect for life must not mean that the unborn take precedence over women. MAny daughters have done virtuosely but thou excelleth them all Jerusalem Bible translation-not the best but in any case if one looks at the good of feminism they truley are women of valor Grace is decaitful and beauty is vain that's why feminists don't care how much they call us ugly but a woman who fears the L-rd she shall be praised if only more Torah JEws would see the good in feminism maybe more feminists would see the good in Torah! Give her the fruit of her hands and let her deeds be praised in the gates just as this proverb does not talk about the woman of valor's faults but only her good so may it be when people talk about feminists and feminism and may the religious have more divorces rather than more agunot

(29) catlady, September 6, 2010 6:15 PM

furthermore it is feminists who have worked to get rape recognized as a serouse crime they have helped to change "victim blaming l" laws. They have advocated for and assisted cictims in dealing with legal and healthcare organizations. And have worked to improve the public's understanding of rape. She lays her hand to the distaff and her palms hold the spindle. The good work that feminists do is nowhere near completed. She reaches forth her hand to the needy. FEminists understand that giving a woman a fish only feeds her for a day, but teaching her to fish feeds her for a lifetime. SHe is not afraid of snow-but despite feminists best efforts women (even the women of valor) are still afraid of rape, sex trafficking and possible spouse abuse for all her household is clothed in scarlet. SHe makes herself coverlets, her clothing is fine linin and purple. FEminists artists such as Miriam SHapiro even sought to have traditioal womens crafts recognized as seroiuse art worthy of respect. Her husband is known at the gates when he sits amoungst the elsders of the land. Feminists have worked to get women into positions of authority since male judges lawyers and other power brokers have not paid attention to "trivial women's issues" therefore elder women need to start sitting at the gates of power. She makes garments and sells them only now women work in sweatshops underpaid and ignored and delivers girldles to the merchant feminists work against worker exploitation of third world goods and manufacturers Strength and dignity are her clothing feminists have fought against women being judged solely by their physical beauty. Naomi Wolf's THe Beauty Myth really takes on this issue. Feminists from the early 1970" protested against the MISs AMerica beuty pagant, but most people just said it was sour grapes from ugly feminists.

(28) Silky, July 13, 2010 2:51 AM

Not just the Orthodox

#24, I beleive it was Gloria Stienman, one of the founders of the Femanist movement that many years later admitted that she was wrong. While some of the femonist movement did help women (gave them the right to sign contracts), mostly it gave women a second job: working outside the home AS WELL AS taking care of the home (the children, the cookiing etc).

(27) Elizabeth Candiotti, May 17, 2010 1:15 AM

Women are people

What everyone needs to realize is that women are individuals. Some want to have a career and some want to consentrate on being a homemaker. It is ridiculous to categorize the emotional state of all women in any age. I know that being out in the world and expressing myself professionally has been very fuufilling. I did not consider myself a feminist or an old fashioned women, I am me. The secret to fulfillment of any kind is finding your best fit with the world around you and follow your that path.

(26) Anonymous, January 30, 2010 4:47 PM

Balance

Women can balance well between home and career. Does that mean she is masculine? I dont think so.

(25) female, March 5, 2007 4:01 PM

The census taking story neglects the possibility of another factor-the tendency to look down on "menial" labor.
Like how someone would view a janitor versus a professor, a doctor versus a garbage man. Etc. Well, same with "women's work".
As for women's work being respected-it is true that before the advent of the industrial age women's and men's work was more symbiotic. Yet women have been considered "inferior" for a long time and throughout all the world. So I think there's a bit more to it than-it's because of feminism.
The virginia slims people were NOT feminists and at the time plenty of feminists griped about those ads-there were even some acts of vandalism I think.
That feminism should be called masculism because it glorifies that which pertains to men- well that's funny, others think feminism de-glorifies that which pertains to men-like guns and war. That feminism is just a plot to feminize men.
It seems like whenever I read an article by an "orthodox" person addressing feminism I am guaranteed one thing-that feminism will be trashed and demonized. You'd think feminism was the worst evil in the world!!!
I'd LOVE to same the same energy being used by orthodox Jews to destroy the woman hatred that exists on this planet.
As for the question if your so liberated why aren't you happy? The answer is we ain't liberated yet.

(24) BenPowers, December 14, 2006 11:03 AM

When society wakes up..

When our society wakes up and realizes that it's GOOD to accentuate the differing strengths of the sexes, much progress will be made.

Thank you for helping me understand in some small way.

(23) Anonymous, October 17, 2006 8:22 AM

your report was excelent. it really helped me in my social studies report.

(22) Sara Cohen, December 30, 2004 12:00 AM

Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller Homerun

Wow, Rebbetzin Heller did a number on this subject. I never had such a clear understanding of this subject until now. It make sense. I searched on the internet for more of Rebbetzin Heller's stuff and I found a free tape by here. You can listen to it here:

http://www.simpletoremember.com/vitals/feminismjudaism.htm

(21) Anonymous, October 6, 2003 12:00 AM

edited version of my letter

The article about Feminism and Masculism is superb! It is what I was thinking for years and still do. i never heard anyone else express the same thoughts. If a woman looks into herself, and judges with her own judgement what is good or bad for her, all the rest do not matter.
Thank you very much.
Eve/Hava

(20) Yehoshua, August 20, 2003 12:00 AM

A Response to "Not All Feminists Are Masculine"

An anonymous writer, listing the achievements of feminism, mentioned that "We can thank feminists for the right to go to a yeshiva( unheard of 100 years ago)." I think this is actually...well, untrue.

If, by "yeshiva", she means an institution where people study Talmud all day, then in most parts of the Orthodox world such institutions do not exist for women. They do not exist for the simple reason that most of the leading rabbis of our age, basing themselves on the Talmud itself, have declared that such studies are, by and large, offlimits to women. Admittedly, there are a few schools where women do do this; however, the mainstream Orthodox communities around the world neither create, maintain, nor agree with such institutions.

If, on the other hand, she means schools where women study those aspects of Jewish thought and law applicable to them, these exist and are universally accepted. However, they were not fostered by the feminist movement, but by a realization on the part of the great rabbis of pre-war Europe that in the modern age women could no longer be assured of receiving adequate Jewish education in the home, as had been the case before that. For that reason, they supported Sarah Schenirer (sp?) of blessed memory in her efforts to create the Beis Yaakov movement, and for that reason other similar school systems have been created between then and now.

Simply put, the feminist movement had nothing to do with it.

Incidentally, if the anonymous visitor did intend the first meaning of the word "yeshiva" given above, her assumption that the creation of such institutions is a gain is a classic example of the disdain of women which Rebbetzin Heller writes about. Why is it inherently a gain for women to gain the right to do what men do? Shouldn't we first stop to ask if women will benefit by doing this?

But more broadly, I think that visitor was not speaking to the point which Rebbetzin Heller was addressing. Nobody denies that, in Western society, women have been oppressed and that that oppression needed redressing, as, for example, by ensuring that a woman was not blamed for being raped. This is true, and to the extent that feminists have corrected this, they may be praised.

But Rebbetzin Heller's point, at least, as I understood it, is that an attitude which the feminist movement has fostered, that whatever men do or have or are is automatically to be assumed superior to that which women do or have or are--that attitude is anti-woman.

(19) Anonymous, February 3, 2003 12:00 AM

Not all Feminists are Masculine

With all due respect to the Rebbetzin, she has presented a biased view of feminism.
Yes, we have "feminists" who are only career minded and see homemakers as "uneducated" or oppressed.
But, we can thank the feminist movement for our right to vote. We can thank feminists for the right to go to a yeshiva( unheard of 100 years ago), we can thank them for legislation that protects abused women, provides homeless shelters and fights for health care for women. We can thank feminists for standing up to the once biased legal system so that women who are raped are not accussed of being a harlot or asked " So, how many dated have you had? "
Next time we bash the feminists , remember how much they have contributed to our lives whether we are career women or at home.

(18) Anonymous, December 17, 2002 12:00 AM

Excellent.

Having made the journey from masculism to being a woman, I can attest to your words.Thank you.

(17) Cindy, November 11, 2002 12:00 AM

Awesome article. Would like to hear her continue on the subject, especially since it sounds that way at the end of the article--that there is more to come.

(16) Anonymous, October 10, 2002 12:00 AM

Famous E-mail with encouragement for Mothers at home

A woman renewing her driver's license at the County
Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state
her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to
classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have
a job, or are you just a .....?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife'
covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found
myself in the same situation, this time at our own
Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman,
poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding
title like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development
and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked
up
as
though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly,
emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with
wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink
on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what
you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself

reply,
"I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't)
in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family)
and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the
job
is
one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to
disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it).

But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are More of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as
she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the
door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."
Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.
Send this to another Mother you know. Whether a stay at home Mom or a career Mom, we should all carry this title.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers
Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!!

I also think it makes aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

(15) Rachel, August 29, 2002 12:00 AM

women against women

I really loved this article. I'm trying to figure out how I plan to be a jewish woman as an adult. There are certain issues like tsi tsit which could be considered masculanism, but if it has a good benifit for men, can't it also have one for women. I agree with everything you said, but feel like you didn't finish. What about woman who don't stay at home? What about those who do but aren't knowledgable? I think the biggest point you made is how we are often against eachother. I'd love it if you followed up on this article.

(14) Janis Goddard, April 14, 2002 12:00 AM

Intelligent Feminism

As a woman converting to Judaism and a feminist, I have found myself in a dilemma, trying to explain to others that I could be fully feminist and fully Jew. There is a perception that in order to take on Judaism I must neglect all the causes I feel strongly about, workplace abuses - especially in the third world, domestic violence, and being thought of as intellectually capable by both men and women. As I study Judaism I see no such barrier before me. The truth is that I don't want to take on a traditionally male gendered role, I don't need to be in his shoes in order to participate fully in Tikkun Olam. I have raised beautiful children, I am able to help those in need with my time if not my money. I don't see that my following the beautiful requirements of Shabbot make me less a feminist and I don't see that Judaism restricts me from being a healing hand in a dreadfully scary world. Equality does not have to mean "same-ness" it can also mean respect for one's uniqueness given as a gift to us all by Hashem. For me, feminism and Judaism require me to look for Shalom. -Jan

(13) Megan Benson, February 21, 2002 12:00 AM

You Have The Greatest Site! It Is So Easy To Find What I Want And Need On Here! Keep It Up And God Bless!

(12) Anonymous, December 17, 2001 12:00 AM

Without mothers...

Children without nurturing mothers, whether at home, or in the workforce, have consistent problems with self-esteem and many other documented difficulties. Children need their mothers A LOT when they are young, as fully demonstrated by research. To say put them in daycare because I feel unfulilled is failing to realize that ultimate fulfillment in life does not come from simply putting our own wants first. Ultimate fulfillment is experienced when you are old and can say, "I can look back and see that I did the RIGHT thing for my children/husband/loved ones." People are deluding themselves when they think daycare is a good choice for their children. Sometimes it is the only way, as with a single mom who has to work, but overwhelmingly, that is not the case. I think it's terrible that so many societies fail to see the incredible value motherhood. They do not grasp there is nothing more important that coming up alongside another human being and seeing to it that human being learns what they need to learn and is loved the way they need to be loved in order to reach their full potential as a human being. I think perhaps it is hard for women who have been hurt in this manner to realize this unless they have admitted their own losses of the same manner. I think this author is right to point out that it is not the ability to bake a cake that is significant about a woman's contribution to her family. While there are many tedious tasks to being at home with small children, it is important for women to nurture her whole self, even if that means she has to do it in the evening after her kids are in bed. My personal opinion is that women who are unhappy at home with their children NEVER had the role-models to show them how to find fulfillment in thier children's youth. Basically, research backs this up. Most of these women were basically emotionally abandoned by their own mothers. If you are seeking fulfillment in this role, if you feel tired, overwhelmed and lost, find someone who has been able to find satisfaction and become a learner of them. Watch them in the act, if you can, offer to help out. Let them help you if they offer. Most of all, if you are dissatisfied, try to understand the underlying emotional issues eating away at you and seek solace in your faith in God and trust him to bring you to a feeling of completeness and wholeness as you choose to do the right thing for your family.

Maureen

(11) Anonymous, November 20, 2001 12:00 AM

wOMENS'TRADITIONAL ROLES ARE VALUABLE!

fEMINISM DISCOUNTS THE IMPORTANCE OF TRADITIONAL WOMENS' ROLES.
I DON'T NECESSARILY AGREE WITH THAT CONCLUSION: ESPECIALLY SINCE TODAYS' MORE RELAXED ROLES GIVE MEN A CHANCE TO BE BETTER FATHERS!

(10) , November 5, 2001 12:00 AM

Masculinism

Sound good. But militant feminism his its mirror image...masculanism, which ius just a destuctive. If nothing else Torah says for Adam to Know Chava, and not just sexually, but her psyche as well, and vice versa. This is no harness, but a freedom to give and take to and from each other. Tzedaka is first expressed in the home. It is ahavat-chesed. It is Bikur Holim. It is the basis for shalom bayet, and shalom olam. Proverbs says it is better to live on a housetop than with a screaming woman. The writer forgot to add, "a man" as well. It is better to live at peace for all concerned male and female, jew and non jew.

(9) Janice Amrani, October 29, 2001 12:00 AM

great article!

I'm glad to see that someone else is thinking the same way I do! Both my mother, born in 1914, and grandmother, born in 1884, were feminists and I've always considered myself one too. So you can see that feminism is a long-standing family tradition for me. But the feminism I, born in 1955, grew up with was about, as the rebbetzin says, women's rights, about simple justice/fairness. It has always seemed to me that too many feminists, in the last 30 years anyway, have confused true feminism with, as Rebbetzin Heller says, "glorifying everything that pertains to men and seeking to appropriate it for women...without questioning its value." The resulting denigration of anything traditionally identified with women could be seen as anti-feminism, IMHO.

Thanks for reading.

(8) Janet Miller, October 15, 2001 12:00 AM

Men and women are not equal.

Men and women were made differently in a biological and psychological sense in order to complement each other and preserve the species. Ideas pushed by feminists to make men and women equal have done great harm to people of many different cultures. Rebbitzen Heller is correct in stating that feminism evolved into asserting that if it's good for a man, it's good for a woman, too--without even asking if it's good for either, as the example with smoking.

Some other examples of the harm in teaching that men and women are equal are as follows: during the 1960's and 1970's more children were born with fetal alcohol syndrome on native American reservations. Their mothers had been taught that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander"--never mind that the gander can't get pregnant. I worked personally with a trainer in a gym about getting to a body mass index (fat percentage) of around 20%. He then said that if I wanted to go lower, like to around 12-18%, and that is where I stopped him. A BMI under 18%, in women, lowers estrogen levels, stops the menstrual cycle, and can lead to bone fractures. He had been taught by this gymnasium that ideal body fat percentages for members of BOTH genders was between 12 and 18%.

These are just a few examples of the harm that can result from believing the two sexes to be equal, and that if a man has the right to have it, so does a woman. While I am grateful for the educational and career opportunities I enjoy, I do not think women who can choose to stay home and raise children should be devalued, which seemed to be one of feminism's intents. Nor should they be of "the happy homemaker" extreme, where if they end up suddenly widowed or with a jobless or disabled husband, they are unable to support their families. A famous non-Jewish work--THE KAMA SUTRA OF VATSAYANA--began with 64 'arts' or skills women should have not only to make a good home for spouse and children but 'should they suddenly become widows in a foreign land'.

TANACH through Proverbs spoke of the ideal woman being able to nurture a family and have a business acumen. I personally believe both of these abilities should be valued by women. Thank you, Rebbitzen Heller, for your article.

(7) Rox, October 10, 2001 12:00 AM

Fulfilled or Unfulfilled?

As a woman reading this article, I can totally appreciate women who *choose* to stay at home, work there, and raise their children. They are to be valued. I do think that in today's society the value of the homemaker is underappreciated, and I don't exclude myself from that category! The poster was absolutely correct to say that those "homemakers" who do not NEED jobs are in effect abandoning their children (especially young children) taking on unnecessary responsibilities. I also ask...if you don't want kids, WHY have them?

But in my humble opinion, I thank G-d that I DO have the choice to choose a career OR choose the typical "homemaker" life.

Why? It is also my opinion that those who restrict women to ONLY the homemaker role are missing the idea of reality....the idea that "the woman BELONGS in the home, as a homemaker" are turning a blind eye to the reality that is the world we live in. What about the woman who has NOT met a man who makes enough money BY himself to support a family? What about the woman, such as myself, who has not met anyone at all? These are the women who would basically become the homeless in a so-called "ideal" society where she must be a homemaker baking cakes for the kids (and I MUST assume since the author of the article here is a homemaker, she is more or less happily married to a man who is more or less financially capable of supporting a 3-4 or more person household!! That is definitely something to thank G-d for!!)

One must think of the practicalities of life as well as questioning what constitutes a woman's "proper" spiritual/social place. What about the disabled man where the woman is the "breadwinner"?

What about the woman (such as myself) who plans on not having children of her own, but instead plans to reach out into the community and "nurture" in other ways, such as teaching or counseling?

I think that as long as a woman is truly fulfilled in what her "work" is, it's laying blanket terms defining what the "work" is.

Thanks for reading!!

(6) joseph Loeb, March 25, 2001 12:00 AM

could have been said in one sentence

Hashem gave women such a special role in life that no man no matter how rich, how smart, how talented, could ever perform that role. That is giving bith, nurturing, teaching, rearing, morales, values, Torah, etc. to their own children. No nanny, father, grandparent, aunt, sibling, or latch KEY could ever replace good old mommy. Her talent was more then everything above. It also was cook, cleaner, organzier, peace maker, compromiser, and then there was listener, & guide. A mother is like a conductor at a symphony. And then came society, television and other influences that obscured their special roles, diminished it, and created jelousy, that men realy have it better. No man can ever feel the pleasure that a Mommy has after she has finished playing a piece of her symphony. The proof is right in front of our eyes that this is all true, look at society today. The real question we need to ask is , Where is Mommy????? Who is is bringing up our children today? Mommy's not home.

(5) Anonymous, February 9, 2001 12:00 AM

Rebbetzin Heller is right!

Well, looking at the comments from the "feminists" shows Mrs. Heller has her work cut out for her. It is so sad to see how most Jewish women have bought into the lie of feminism. It is against the nature that G-d gave them.

I see it in the frum community too. Even women that don't need to work will put their precious children in daycare and go back to work. Why have them if you don't want to raise them? I feel so alienated from these women. What is wrong with our community that the Rabbis do not speak out about this abdication of motherhood? It is a disgrace that the Christians seem to have a better understanding of the holy role of wife/mother than my Jewish sisters. Please publish more articles from REAL women like Rebbetzin Heller.

(4) Anonymous, February 4, 2001 12:00 AM

No hair on her chest

I grew up in a non-observant home with a non-traditional mother in the 50's/60's. She went back to school while other mothers were home baking cookies. I saw my mother have a very rich, full life, full of people, intellectulism, and adventure. She shared this with my siblings and father. The exposure of the world she provided expanded my vision and I am grateful for that. Her personality was not necessarily nurturing by nature, but I found others in our extended family to fill that need. Never did any perceive her as masculine. The other message I was given was your life is of value when you can make a difference.

(3) Anonymous, November 14, 2000 12:00 AM

real feminism

The happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been in my entire life was not when I was a wife and mother: that was the most mind-boggling dull time in my entire existence. I feel at my best NOW! I have two engineering degrees and I am doing challenging work for the federal government (the, so far, last job in a series of ever-increasing, challenging jobs since I completed my MS degree). Israel had it right with the Kibbutz' where the children were watched over in a day-care type environment so as to have the most people available to build a new nation (it was a resounding success by the way). There is no reason or excuse for the "nuclear family". It is a waste of talent and human resources. I am sorry but just putting a feminist spin on house-wivery does not make it less trivial.

(2) , October 28, 2000 12:00 AM

Real feminism.

While there is nothing wrong with respecting a woman who has chosen to be a wife and mother exclusively, there is no reason to "condemn" women who hold jobs outside their homes as being "masculist." There are plenty of women who choose to serve themselves and Klal Yisrael in careers outside their homes, and they should get just as much respect in the Jewish community as those who don't choose to leave their homes. Aside from that, the article was very good. It is nice to see a real feminist view of Judaism.

(1) Sara Ansara, September 4, 2000 12:00 AM

An alternative Jewish Women's Feminism

I completely agree that women's roles as mothers and homemakers must be valued and respected. However, there is a lack of understanding by many of my brethren in Orthodoxy that many women are genuinely dissatisfied by religious resistance to women whose natures embody other roles. We need both the "Esthers" and the "Devorahs" for female completeness. We need women with leadership skills to work in the community and also mothers. Some women are one or the other, some are both. I don't think my Jewish femininity is any less valid for its "woman warrior" nature. I respect Jewish homemakers (both male and female ones, actually) and I expect respect for my desire to integrate who I am with Torah-observant life. For me, this means that my personal role models are Devorah and Abvigail. My contributions to society are no less valid than those made by women who embody the archetypes of Esther or Rachel. Many Baal Teshuva mothers find new respect given to them, yet many women have left Orthodoxy due to lack of respect for their "Devoratic" roles. It is ignorant for some people to assume that all women who focus on public careers are doing so simply to imitate men, moreover, many of these women have made significant contributions to Torah-observant communities. Time for Jewish women's feminism to embrace not only the mothers and wives but the teachers, leaders, public speakers, and community directors as well. And though many of those leaders are mothers, many of us are not. Both types of women embody archetypes of Jewish femininity.

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Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller

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Consummate educator and internationally acclaimed speaker, Rebbetzin Tzipora Heller has been a full-time lecturer at Neve Yerushalayim College in Jerusalem since 1980, impacting the lives of thousands of women worldwide. She is the author of six popular books, including Here You Are, Battle Plans, and This Way Up. She recently launched a daily video program based on the timeless Jewish wisdom of "Duties of the Heart." Learn how to channel your emotions to experience every day with purpose, meaning, and joy at: dutiesoftheheart.com