Debunking the Beauty Myth

I agree, but now, what do we do about all the young men looking for shidduchim who insist that the girl be a size 2, or have other ridiculous ideas? Too many young women are getting eating disorders because of shidduchim, and I think we need to figure that out.

Right on - I'm totally with you on that. It's all very nice when these mentors and psychologists say that "beauty comes from within" and that girls don't need to be so slender, but who's telling this to the guys?!?

Hi I noticed someone used the terms Anorexia and Shallowness in the same sentence. While the outcome of Anorexia is seen on the physical body it is very much a mental illness. There are alot of myths surrounding an eating disorder that the person desires to be thin because they are obsessed with their own body as portrayed in Hollywood. It is a need for control in a world where the Anorexic feels out of control. It is a need to numb feelings that feel overwhelming or is not safe to express. It is extremely complex and is certainly not just a matter of appearance. Thankyou to people who try to shed light on what it is all about.

The author of this article is hitting a key point. Of course Gd wants you to care for your body. He wants you to eat healthy and exercise. However it should not become the essence or driving force of our lives. We have allowed it to become an obsession. It should not determine beauty and what it means to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. No one is perfect, we are here to work on ourselves and grow to our fullest potential. Within all of us there lay insecurities that manifests themselves differently. We cannot hide it and call it health. Health does not equal skinny, it means being fit which varies accordingly to each individuals body. True beauty does not fade, it lasts forever.

Lets not confuse anorexia and shallowness with someone who is deeply committed to their health, excercise, and appearance. There are significant Health benefits to staying thin and exercising... So to say its ok to slack off, not take care of your body and its ok because you are still beautiful is a bit like taking the easy road!

I'm sure the wording is an oversight and the meaning not intended but I want to point out that anorexia and other eating disorders are not "shallow". They are the effects of other issues such as self esteem. In addition I want to point out that being thin in of itself does not indicate health. There is a range of body weight that is healthy for each unique individual. Exercise will benefit all.

I am 64 yrs old I have been obsessed with how I look all my life and I am still over weight. I want to wage also war on appears. After reading your note I am pray for delieverance from this distored picture I have of myself.

Judy, I am with you. I am finally dealing with a binge eating disorder which I have had since childhood. I am also 64years old. It's never too late.

A long time ago I wrote a piece with this title. Anorexia can begin with notions of low self-esteem, and it surely can begin with the beauty that is totally subscribed to, by millions of subscriptions if you look at the Magazines, that do cater to this false idea, that beauty is something we need, on the outside, as dictated, and is not a function of who we are. Skin deep is where it's at, and people do such things to their bodies to achieve this. And of course, we all do a little touch up here and there, but when this becomes an extreme preoccupation it becomes a serious obsessive, illness, that can lead to death. As to damaged skin, we all do age, and we wrinkle, and that's how it is, and some genetically are more prone to this than others. "Beau Talks" is surely the anti aging phenomenon these "daze" and it has its problems. I love what Josephine wrote. Right on/Write on! sister. Beauty IS truth, and Nature is where it's at. We were thrown a lot of lines about what constitutes beauty and we drank it all, so a long time ago. We still use these notions about hair for example, to define what's IN and what's OUT and we make people with crinkly frizzy hair feel really self conscious when they are truly beautiful. How crazy IS this? I like at little kids whose hair is wild and they are the cutest... and then we make them feel, they should crawl under a rock and iron their hair. O please! Of course we should use sun block, that's another issue, because sun burns. We all know this. It's a no brainer that has nothing to do with this discussion. We do some things, for health and safety, to avoid skin cancers...

@Rachel: you state "the years of sun exposure not only put them at risk for skin cancer but also kill off the Langerhan cells". As far as skin cancer is concerned, this depends on the region (e.g. the total amount of sun[light] exposure) you live in, and the complexion of your skin. The darker your skincolour is, the less you will be effected. The Langerhans cells (part of the pancreas) are NOT influenced by UV. Obesetas on the other hand is a proven factor in causing Diabetes. Yes beauty is NOT dependent on outward appearances, but the other side of the coin is, that (at least that is my observance, visiting the USA regularly as a Dutchman) the majority -or let us say- a big percentage of the American people is just fat, -or even extremely fat!!! Handling that, and you will need extreme measures for that, is not being trapped in a wrong mindset about beauty, but a sensible and G_d pleasing way of taking good care of your body. This may not and should not ever lead to a person becoming anorexic. That would be just another trap. I acknowledge -and support- your cry to debunk the beauty myth, but pleased keep the balance and the right perspective. PS Did you know (but maybe that's a cultural, Dutch, thing) that most men are not at all impressed by a lot of make-up and/or outward appearances!?

They are not the same Langerhan cells that you refer to in the pancreas. And yes, latitude and akin color affect how much sun damage you may suffer.Light skin people tend to lose skin elasticity more easily than dark skin Africans, but even Africans can get melanoma. The skin's Langerhan cells are part of the skin's role in protecting us from outside pathogenic invaders. All of this "inner beauty" talk infers that someone who wants to look beautiful cares about nothing else except her own beauty, just like the Greeks, who killed deformed babies. Just as there are people who pursue wealth and are selfish there are other people who pursue wealth and are very generous with Tzedaka, and provide jobs for lots of other people, which is the highest form of tzedaka. I would think a married woman ought to make herself look as beautiful as possible so her husband will always desire her and won't fantasize about other women. And a single woman who wishes to marry ought to look beautiful so that the man of her dreams will think she's the woman of his dreams. Nobody says beauty stops with appearance, but there is no Mitzvah to be fat, wear ugly clothes, have bad skin or teeth or a dumpy hair style. So why does Amsterdam have such a notorious Red Light district?

Two further thoughts. When people do not care about the appearance of their faces and neglect their skin care, the years of sun exposure not only put them at risk for skin cancer but also kill off the Langerhan cells which are an important part of the immune system. That is why so many old people get so many skin disorders. Use of good skin care products and sun screen in youth will result in healthier skin in old age. It isn't just about beauty. Second,I notice that many frum people let their yards become a mess to the point where they mar the neighborhood and perhaps cause resentment from neighbors. If anything, I believe these people do a chillul Hashem, as they seem to make the statement that their yard's appearance is of no consequence - only Torah and mitzvot matter! Like anything else, balance matters. It is possible for a person to care very much about the appearance of one's self and one's home & yard, and still care about other people and Torah study.

Thank you for your honesty in tackling this issue. It's a large battle, but one we as society can hopefully win with more attention like this article.

When I look around me I see beauty in most places, particularly in nature. It is so obvious in nature, because nature's beauty comes from within, and it expresses itself freely, requiring no external mirrors to affrim it. I can appreciate the glamour of women and men who are skillfully crafted in their appearances. And the glow of wellbeing that comes from people who respect and care for their bodies. But for me, Real Beauty is like Love, it is an experience. When I see Real Beauty in others it is through the eyes in my heart.

I disagree with Hannah. Aging skin is damaged skin. Up to 90% of skin aging is due to ultraviolet radiation that can also cause skin cancer. Obesity causes diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. Acne is caused by over active oil glands and bacteria. Why not treat it? Healthy people usually have good looking hair, too. And it isn't too difficult to style one's hair attractively. I think it's ridiculous to suggest that trying to look beautiful makes a person anorexic. Anorexic people look starved, not beautiful, and plenty of people keep their weight down without going anorexic.

Rachel, I think you missed the point of the article, "I realized that I had never completely rejected the beauty myth – the lie that altering one’s body to fit a certain, preconceived ideal is the key to happiness." Of course, we have to be healthy, and healthy people look beautiful. BUt make sure that when you set out on the road to beauty, you are not following the path of the media's ideal, but the path of Hashem's ideal- doing good. Because in reality that is real beauty. And Hanna, you are definitely a beautiful person. Thanx for the awesome article :)

Since when does it follow that if one tries to look as beautiful as possible that is all one cares about? And while beauty might not guarantee happiness, unattractiveness usually causes unhappiness. Does Hashem require a woman to let her dark mustache grow in and keep her acne? May I point out that the Kohanim who had "defects" could only work behind the scenes where they wouldn't be seen by the public? You think that if someone is fastidious about her appearance she must be selfish and doesn't try to help other people? I observe that in the beauty industry, many spas and salons support all sorts of worthy programs, including a day of beauty for cancer patients, bike ride for MS, etc. Also, what makes you think anorexia is the "media's ideal"? The anorexic people I've known either had problems with their parents or they had other emotional/mental problems. They didn't become anorexic because they read a magazine or watched TV. If anything, I find a lot of religious Jewish women make themselves look dumpy and frumpy, and I am certain that is not Hashem's ideal for the daughters of Sara, Rivka, & Rachel, who were beautiful. The Torah took the trouble to tell us so.

Beautiful article, Hannah! Always a treat to read your well thought-out pieces!

Hashem created people with the desire to improve themselves. Jews try to utilize that desire to grow spiritually, but unfortunately some people's minds (not their fault) interpret "making myself better" as "making myself beautiful / more in control of the way I look" so they approach not eating with the same vigor that (l'havdil) talmidei chachamim approach learning--as part of the natural human desire to grow. (The same usually applies to using steroids, dedicating an inappropriate amount of the time to the pursuit of wealth, etc.) This is based on the writings of Rabbi Twerski, who has dealt with many drug addicts who just wanted to make themselves able (in their minds) to do whatever they wanted.

I appreciate your honest appraisal of your self and the world out there. I'm working on recovering from anorexia, and I can tell you honestly that it is a relentless fight, anorexia is a living hell where only death as its reward. I'm fighting for myself and fighting for all those out there who struggle. I know I need to be a role model in my recovery in order to help others who are struggling. I've grown tremendously through this challenge, I'm learning to determine my values on inner core strengths and not by the superficiality of the society we live in.