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Dating Advice #42 - Over-Weight Date
Dating Advice 42

Dating Advice #42 - Over-Weight Date

She's overweight, feeling rejected, and is ready to give up the singles scene altogether. Is there a solution to this dating dilemma?


Dear Rosie & Sherry,

I have been trying to meet the right guy for quite some time. But I always run into the same problem. I am a bit overweight and no one seems to be interested in such a build.

I don't know what to do. I am ready to give up dating altogether. Please help!


Dear Mimi,

One of the toughest dating problems is the weight problem. A weight issue is usually reinforced by something much more detrimental to dating success -- low self-esteem. It contributes to a vicious cycle: dating, rejection, low self-esteem, dating again, more rejection, worsening self-esteem. The pattern is intermediately reinforced by overeating for comfort.

In order to break the cycle, the first thing to do is work on your self-esteem. Think about ways you can enrich your life and help you feel better about yourself. This could be drama, creative writing, music, dance, aerobics, or any other creative or intellectual outlet. Try to find a facet of yourself that has been under wraps for too long, or an interest that you have never explored before. Expanding your horizons and/or enhancing your talents should help you view yourself more positively.

The next part of the weight issue is sometimes more discouraging than "simply being overweight." Sometimes, an overweight person will diet, lose weight and feel good about him/herself -- and then become discouraged when the weight loss fails to produce more positive dating results. So be realistic: Thinness does not guarantee that you'll meet the "man of your dreams" or that you'll instantly overcome the same dating difficulties everyone else faces.

We suggest that anyone with a weight issue (or any other major issue that impedes dating success) use a combined approach to improving their dating success. First, address the issue as constructively as you can. This doesn't necessarily mean that you should lose a lot of weight; we know that can be difficult for many people. However, you can try to adopt healthier eating patterns, get regular exercise to achieve optimal physical health (exercise is also great for elevating your mood), and make the most of your appearance through wardrobe and grooming. Don't hesitate to buy nice clothes and choose a flattering hairstyle because you are overweight! Taking good care of yourself will enhance your self-esteem and will always pay off.

The second part of the combined approach is to make a concerted personal effort to meet suitable dates. While society has conditioned us to prefer thinner people to heavier ones, and that by losing weight a heavy person will have more opportunities to date, it isn't necessary to have a slim figure in order to have good marital prospects. A good self-image, a pleasant appearance and a positive attitude are assets that can help you be attractive to others and find a life partner.

Commit yourself to setting aside a certain amount of time every week to work on dating. Get involved in synagogue or community activities that give you an opportunity to meet other singles -- at the same time you attend a great lecture, learn Thai cooking, or help a worthy cause.

This also means enriching your relationships with friends, relatives, synagogue members and co-workers -- and asking them to help introduce you to potential dates. It also means utilizing matchmaking and internet dating services.

We can't deny the fact that people who are not overweight will have it easier and heavier people will have more difficulty attracting potential dates. Unfortunately, more and more people put the word "slim" on their dating "wish list." That's just reality. However, intelligence, humor and competence can make someone more attractive than a pretty face; many happily married people who were not initially attracted to their spouses found themselves becoming more attracted to them as they got to know them.

So remember that not every guy out there is looking for slimness. People of all shapes and sizes date and marry. Many very good dating candidates will appreciate you for your fine personal qualities, which you can enhance with healthy self-esteem and a pleasant appearance.

We wish you all the best.

Rosie & Sherry

December 16, 2002

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Visitor Comments: 7

(7) Bobby5000, September 18, 2011 6:50 AM

People have different preferences and expectations

People vary and note that close to 1/2 of the people are what some doctors call overweight. Dressing attractively, having confidence, and looking for people in the right contexts can help.

(6) Anonymous, October 16, 2008 1:59 PM

As a man, I have come across plenty of overweight women as attractive. I've also come across thin women who weren't attractive. If a woman practices good grooming and hygiene, wears clean clothes that fit her appropriately(not necessarily fancy), and takes care of herself, a woman can look attractive no matter what size she is.

(5) kay, January 9, 2008 2:47 PM

Thin Dating Problems Too

I'm relatively thin and fit and cannot tell you how many times I have been rejected. There is someone out there for everyone believe me.

(4) Louise Lewis, January 30, 2002 12:00 AM

I believe you're telling the truth about dating as an overweight person. I tried, I weote "big and beautiful" as one of my body descriptions, later I checked for matches. They're were none. I don't feel bad about it, it's there loss because I'm an attractive person. Also I'm just starting out. If you have some advice for me,I'd welcome it.

(3) Cecillia Estes, January 10, 2001 12:00 AM

Romance line for weighty peple

I find it so far impossible to find romance because I am over weight. I have not always been like this a medical problem caused weight gain. I am very attractive and I am out going and I have a great personality and self supporting. I live in Bakersfield.
Thank you for having this page with helpful hints.

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