Personal Growth
Stephen Colbert and Kate Middleton’s Diagnosis
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4 min read
Some practical guidance for clarifying your post-date thoughts and feelings.
I used to be so indecisive that I couldn’t even choose which vegetable I wanted for dinner. I would defer answering questions, or push off answering until others answered for me. I used to say it was because I didn’t care or the decision didn’t matter. “No preference” became my default. When it came time to make big decisions I was unable to decide without getting a lot of advice and support.
When it came to dating and finding the person I wanted to spend my life with, I realized I needed to make a good decision that was my decision. I needed to learn how to separate what someone else thought from what I thought. I needed to learn how to make a decision and wake up the next morning feeling that I had done the right thing.
I have developed a list of questions that help you clarify what you are thinking and feeling about the person you’re going out with. Before we get to the questions, I’d like to set a few guidelines.
First, don’t think and rehash the date until you’ve slept one night. Secondly, be totally honest with yourself. Don't just write down what you think someone else wants to hear. Just write your honest answers down, without judging them. Evaluating is a separate process from writing. So once you answer a question, forget about it and move on to the next question.
You are allowed to contradict yourself. You are allowed to feel like you are not making sense. You are in the process of thinking this through and writing what comes to mind in that moment.
Here are the 10 questions:
If you have trouble analyzing the thoughts that these questions brought up, then seek a trusted mentor or friend who can, in an unbiased way, help you evaluate your answers. I hope the questions above will help guide you to getting in touch with yourself and balancing the opinions of others.