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36 Questions to Build Emotional Intimacy

36 Questions to Build Emotional Intimacy

Handle with care!

by

Here are the 36 questions by psychologist Arthur Aron, referred to in the Aish.com article, Love through 36 Questions.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

January 26, 2015

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The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 7

(5) Frank Von, December 28, 2016 11:29 AM

online dating help

It was really amusing to read about these Questions. Thanks for sharing!

(4) Bobby5000, February 3, 2015 3:58 PM

Contour your questions to the person

I have a family member who is very popular and I think he would say the approach is misplaced. You want to understand the other person and pick an approach that's tailored for for him or her. If shs likes art, talk about art. The old book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is still very good on this.

(3) Andrea r., January 29, 2015 5:55 PM

why so many questions about dying?

Talking about death and dying in a new relationship or in early dates feels like negative levels of conversation. No excitement in that .

(2) rachel, January 28, 2015 1:40 AM

wow

Such Great Questions, it really digs into peoples emotions and inner world, i cant wait to try this with my husband! Really appreciate this thanks!!

(1) SusanE, January 28, 2015 1:09 AM

Set 1 could be fun to share. Sets 2 and 3 are pretty heavy.

A few of my close friends have already covered many of these questions. That is what close friends are. But for on a date with someone I don't have complete trust for yet, these give way too much information. Set1 could almost be a party game if you keep it light. Number 36 in Set 3 is a real downer and a date killer.

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