Our brains are powerful. Our mindsets become our reality. Negative dating beliefs create negative feelings and self-fulfilling prophecies that cause us to fail in dating.

Here are some negative beliefs I’ve heard from my clients over the years. Do any of them sound familiar to you?

I’m not enough. This might sound like, “Anyone who gets to know what I’m really like and thinks I’m amazing...there must be something wrong with them,” or “I’m not attractive enough to find a partner.”

I’m too…. This might sound like, “I’m too young to find someone,” or “I’m too old to find someone,” or “I’m too out-of-the-box to find someone.”

I don’t know how to do this (and can’t learn). This might sound like, “I’m not good at relationships…I’ve never had a real relationship,” or “Putting myself out there is too painful,” or “I can’t deal with conflict.”

I’m doomed. This might sound like, “My parents got divorced, so I probably will too,” or “I’ll never find anyone,” or “I’m unlucky when it comes to relationships,” or “I don’t have the time/energy/emotional bandwidth to give a relationship the attention it needs,” or “I’m not lovable.”

I’m damaged. This might sound like, “If I’m still single at my age, something must be wrong with me,” or “I can’t trust my instincts, choices or judgments,” or “I have kids that get in the way of dating.”

Dating is awful. This might sound like, “Dating is so frustrating and annoying,” or “Dating is scary.”

While it’s normal to experience some negative thinking, you need the right tools to attain a mindset reset to find your soul mate. Here are four things to focus on to get past those nagging, unhelpful thoughts.

1. Reshape your self-talk. Our thoughts and our emotions becomes a part of who we are. Negative thinking feeds negative feelings and attracts negative people. We have to constantly battle our self-talk and decide if we see the glass half empty or half full. One of our greatest weapons is self-talk. What messages will we accept and repeat? What messages will we tell ourselves over and over again? Remember the little engine that could? “I think I can, I think I can…” repeated over and over until it happened. We need to tell ourselves, and repeat over and over again, that we can find the right one, and we will find the right one.

2. Ask for it. The worst thing that can happen when you ask for something is that you get told no. So go ahead and ask the One Above for your soul mate. If the is answer no, realize that may simply mean not now. It doesn’t mean no FOREVER. Not now, or not this person, just means the timing or the person isn’t right. You are looking for the right person in the right time. If it’s not the right person or time, a no is a good thing. Get used to seeing the blessing in a no and realizing it may be for your best.

3. Conquer fear. Sometimes we are afraid of failure; other times we’re afraid of success. Take an emotional inventory. See if fear is holding you back from meeting the right one. Identify what you’re afraid of and take time to let the fear go. If you need professional help in navigating this process, a good therapist will guide you. While you can’t eliminate fear, you can address it whenever it comes up and navigate it gracefully.

4. Know s/he is coming to you. When children grow, do they wonder if they deserve to have adult teeth come in? And what if they don’t deserve to have their adult teeth come in—will they forever be stuck with their baby teeth? No, of course not. It’s just a part of the natural growing process. Finding your soul mate is also a natural part of the growing process. Don’t get caught up worrying about whether or not you deserve to have someone. The world was created with soul mates. You each came down into this world with a soul mate, and it’s your job to find each other. When you have this confidence, you can start to work on finding them instead of worrying about whether they exist.

May you eliminate negative thinking and feelings and create an awesome reality…that includes your soul mate.