SpeedDating® Tip #1: Don't Confuse Dating with a Relationship
click here to jump to start of article
Join Our Newsletter

Get latest articles and videos with Jewish inspiration and insights​




SpeedDating® Tip #1: Don't Confuse Dating with a Relationship

SpeedDating® Tip #1: Don't Confuse Dating with a Relationship

The secret to avoiding years of go-nowhere entanglements.

by and

What's a top reason many marriage-minded singles (MMS) find themselves in go-nowhere entanglement (GONETM) that lasts months or years? Entanglements that often consume their 20s and beyond only to leave them back where they began... single?

Many believe that in order to evaluate the potential for marriage, they must invest in intense dating-relationships.

Why is that? One reason is that some singles believe they must learn through experience to know if it will work long-term. "Well, I learned so much" is the response we often hear from singles reflecting on their GONEs.

So a question arises: Is there a way to "learn so much" without having to spend many months investing in a person that is destined to be a GONE?

Many singles have a misperception about the importance of a "Dating-for-Marriage Progression." The progression goes something like this: meet someone, begin dating, decide to become boyfriend/girlfriend, spend lots of time together testing compatibility, and within 1-3 years decide whether to get married.

The reality is that while many married couples did go through this progression (because it's the norm in today's dating world), it is not necessary. And more often than not, it is detrimental to reaching the goal of marriage!

Assuming that "having a boyfriend" means you are one step closer to marriage is a dangerous belief. In fact, you might be in a GONE that is actually delaying marriage -- because Mr. Right might be available when you are tied up in this current entanglement.

So if dating is not a relationship, what it is it?

Dating is the evaluation period to determine whether you want a lifelong relationship with this person.

Dating is not the relationship.

"But don't you need some relationship prior to marriage to evaluate the potential," we can hear you asking. "And besides, where's the romance?!"

The short answer is that SpeedDaters save the romance for the right relationship. As you discover the SpeedDating for Marriage system and its skills, you?ll learn there's a pace to dating that weeds out most potential GONEs within a matter of a few dates. You won't want to be romantic with these people because you'll know they're GONE's... and that's not your goal.

Which would you rather do: spend the next five years in eight different GONE's -- all with romantic elements, and ending up at the end of those five years single, or would you rather bypass the GONE's (and the temporary romance) and find your spouse after three years? Lots of romance for five years then single, or minimizing the GONE's (and thus the romance) and finding your spouse after three years?

For the smart MMS, the choice is clear: save the romance for your lifelong love.

SpeedDating Tip #1 Summary: Dating is not a relationship. Dating is the evaluation period to determine whether you want a relationship.

Don't date to relate. Date to evaluate!

The entire SpeedDating for Marriage system can be found in the book SpeedDating - A Timesaving Guide to Finding Your Lifelong Love

Published: July 27, 2004


Give Tzedakah! Help Aish.com create inspiring
articles, videos and blogs featuring timeless Jewish wisdom.

Visitor Comments: 1

(1) Anonymous, November 8, 2004 12:00 AM

Well said!!

Well said!! I think a lot of people, including myself, needed to hear this.
Its one of those things that you know already, in the back of your mind, but that you never really acknowledge. Mostly because it convenient not to do so, and not doing so keeps you in your comfort zone (which I recently found out is not quite as comfortable as it outght to be!)

Barak

Submit Your Comment:

  • Display my name?

  • Your email address is kept private. Our editor needs it in case we have a question about your comment.


  • * required field 2000
Submit Comment
stub
Sign up today!