Seven Ways to Find Your Jewish Soul Mate

You're Jewish. And you're single. We all know that it isn't easy to find that "special someone." Besides, is it so important to marry another Jewish person, anyway? Isn't that very limiting?

Good questions. It is important to marry someone Jewish, whether born Jewish or sincerely converted. Why? The main reasons I give are threefold:

(a) with many fewer areas of disagreement (holidays, kids' religious education, etc), same faith marriages report significantly higher happiness and more success than interfaith relationships, whether Hindu-Muslim, Protestant-Catholic, or Jewish-Christian;

(b) the children of same-faith marriages generally grow-up with a clearer sense of identity and higher self-esteem;

(c) the chances of Jewishness lasting in a same-faith family are far, far higher than in an family where one parent is non-Jewish, even if he or she agrees to allow to raise the child as a Jew.

Furthermore, there are, in fact, so many Jewish singles out there that in most cases dating Jews is not very limiting at all. The 2001 National Jewish Population Survey revealed that over 1/3 of American Jewish adults are presently single. That is over a million people in the U.S. alone.

All this being said, how are you going to meet your mate? Here are some time-tested tips to making it happen -- soon.

WAY #1: Move to a Jewish neighborhood.
Almost every major city today has parts of town which are 'more Jewish,' and parts of town which are 'less Jewish.' Live where Jews live. Aside from improving the statistical chance of you bumping into someone Jewish at the local Starbucks, it makes all kinds of Jewish networking much easier.

WAY #2: Join a Torah class
Jewish learning today is constantly expanding. In every city today with a sizeable Jewish population, there is serious adult Jewish learning. Often the classes are geared for certain age groups. Find out which classes the singles and young marrieds go to and join. Aish HaTorah branches around the world are an ideal place to meet lots of eligible singles, and learn some amazing Torah along the way. One Aish branch I know has thousands of Jewish singles come to its events every year.

WAY #3: Make Jewish Friends
It is a wonderful thing to have friends from all kinds of backgrounds. Take a quick count, though: if most or all of your friends are not Jewish, it may be hard to be introduced to other Jews to date: studies have shown that 'friendship circles' and 'dating circles' largely overlap. Go out of your way to make Jewish friends.

WAY #4: Get Set Up
The old fashioned way: a Matchmaker! Sound archaic? Don't dismiss a system that works -- in every major city today there are personalized dating services that service Jews from all backgrounds. You get to find out a lot about the person before choosing to go out with them, thus saving emotions, time, (and cash!). Furthermore, ask your friends and family to be on the lookout for you. Put the word out that you are looking and open to being set-up -- people will often be hesitant to 'mix in' unless you specifically ask them to.

WAY #5: Go To Singles' Events
Don't like singles' events? Don't worry -- many people there feel the same way you do. The point is to meet people. Ideally your beloved. Or, to get to know people who may later make that connection for you. These events actually work. If you want to organize something more 'interesting,' get on the organizing committee (perhaps your soul mate will be on the committee too!). Try singles' trips to Israel as well.

WAY #6: Go Where Jews Go
Go to the Jewish bakery and kosher supermarket. Browse in the Jewish bookstore. Join a synagogue with lots of young people. Make Friday night dinners and invite friends -- the more you go where other singles go, the more people you meet.

WAY #7: Use the Internet
Last but not least -- use the Internet. Jewish online dating has already had some notable success and is certainly the fastest growing -- and largest -- vehicle to meet other Jews. It is a relatively easy way to meet Jewish people. Almost half a million Jews have tried online dating and shown that it can work. For some practical tips, check out: Maximizing Dot-com Dating.

Good Luck!

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This article was adapted from www.jewishanddating.com.

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Published: March 13, 2004
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Visitor Comments: 21

(20) Adriana Horowitz, May 20, 2012 5:59 PM

very interesting topic.

I am someone who is trying to move to Los Angeles near a jewish community where I can raise my three jewish children. I am recently divorce and making it on my own with very little finance assistance from the goverment program and my part-time job.

(19) dcrockett, September 23, 2010 5:23 PM

No More Singles Trips

Being Jewish and finding a fellow Jewish person to marry can be really tough. I got sick of all the singles trips and decided to go for something more practical like a Torah course at my synagogue. Hope it works!

(18) , September 21, 2010 3:00 PM

I am very proud to be Jewish and very proud to be African-American.Though I think some of the points in this article are interesting I don't think the assumptions made about children has any real basis except assumptions that one culture somehow cancels out the other. Thats black and white thinking of the subject without letting in room for variation of the experience of couples fromd ifferent cultures and their children. I celebrate the richness of both cultures and feel very proud to be one of G-d's chosen people. If anything having an understanding of various perspectives has deepened my respect and regard for my Jewish heritage.

(17) Debora, October 13, 2009 6:03 PM

Soul Mates

Whether you are 20 or 120 there is someone who is waiting to meet you. Better be ready :)

(16) Anonymous, March 8, 2009 1:58 PM

Matchmaking

Why isn't matchmaking a staple in Jewish life and the avenue by which singles meet anymore? The author is right that singles events are painful and for a very good reason= who wants to announce to the world, Im single and lonely? Matchmaking is the more anonymous and compassionate way of being set up, and used to be the one and only way Jews met each other...also, why isnt the family more involved in helping their sons/daughters...it is sad to me that Jewish singles are left to feel alone and frustrated in their search

Anonymous, November 7, 2011 12:26 AM

I agree, but matchmaking should be a mitzvah that everyone is keeping an eye out for doing... It has become something quite different, at times becoming a business, and often involving inferior matches to clients who aren't as "illustrious" in the eyes of the "professional matchmaker" or cant pay as well or dont have as much status in the community as another client. Matchmaking should be something friends should be doing for their single friends. If they sense a potentially favorable match they should facilitate bringing the two singles together, because that is often the most challenging part of finding someone.

(15) Shelley, October 10, 2008 11:04 PM

attitude

Change your attitude and you'll need less ways to find a wife.

(14) eric, September 2, 2006 12:19 PM

wow !!!!

i just read an artcle on the projected statistics of the consequences of intermarriages for diffrent jewis groups, from orthodox to non practicing jew. They are scary.
i read your article, old fashion good values and advises, and i passed it on to my daughter... for evaluation and or application....
keep up the good words.
There is a long way to restore the numbers but i think we are in the right direction in slowing the trend and eventually reversing the proces. I can see that already in our time.
As far as the older jewish personns who are not married althought they are doing what you recommended , i think quite often, the problemes and teherefore the solutions are not re;igiously connected but are more and better adreessed in the social and maybe economical senses.
it is true that the economics of the palce are importants, jewish neighborwood are expensive , why ? when will we manage to incorporate in our north american culture an non elitist and succes oriented value, that will not make it a soecial challenge just to compeate with the ... Levis or swarts , before being able to live a jewish life ? Nothing wrong to being materaily successfull but what about the jews who are not ? They are the ones quite often who are the most jewish because they spend more of their energies to jewish values than successfull carrier driven or over driven individual. Certainly the morality and cometitiveness that run in most sectors of professionnal life are not compatible with the Thora values. But i am not an expert in anything, just reading the articles and giving my comments...
eric

(13) Anonymous, December 6, 2005 12:00 AM

Verification of information by the use of polygraph

The use of Polygraph is the best means of screening out unreliable applicants, by examining the veracity of the information they have submitted. I am a member of the American Polygraph association and the Israeli Polygraph Examiners Association and will be happy to be at your service

(12) brian, August 21, 2004 12:00 AM

way too expensive

Any jewish neighborhood is going to be way expensive becuase jews congregate in large cities like new york. I doubt that the rewards outweight the risk of waking up homeless becuase the rent is to high.

(11) Yishai, June 21, 2004 12:00 AM

TIps are easy, life is a bit trickier....

I live in the most Jewish neighborhood in the world....Jerusalem. I am in my early 40's, reasonable in all respects....yet two years and no wife! Im not desprete but cetainly ready....Maybe I need 97 ways to find my soulmate....got 90 more? Faith no doubt is #8 and patience #9.....o.k., what are the next 88?

(10) Patty Kahn, May 26, 2004 12:00 AM

My friend moved to Rabbi Row without knowing it.

I have to chuckle from the visitor comment "what if you can't afford a Jewish Neighborhood?" A female friend of mine has a late father, who was a Reform Rabbi and and late grandfather, who was an Orthodox Rabbi. She is unaffilated. In a town of 1 million she happened to move on the street filled with Kollel Rabbis. She was suprized!

(9) Shoshanna, March 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Yeah but....

Okay,but what if you can't have , or don't want children? What if you are in your 40's or older? What if you can't afford a "jewish neighborhood"? I love my heritage but unfortunately the jewish community has ignored many of us...

(8) Anonymous, March 18, 2004 12:00 AM

There are no guarantees in life or in love

Nice article, but definitely geared to a very young crowd. I regularly do these things and am considered, by men, to be atractive, intelligent, kind, warm, and funny - so how come I'm still single? If all it took to meet one's Jewish soulmate was living in a Jewish neighborhood and being Jewishly involved and affiliated, then it would be easy. It's not easy, though, especially for those of us who truly want to meet our bashert and are committed to Judaism, but who are late 30s early 40s and not viewed as being a desirable demographic anymore. If you have some other suggestions I'm sure I'm not alone is saying that they'd be welcome...

(7) Andrew, March 17, 2004 12:00 AM

I also recommend your book.

I believe that one of the reasons that others express problems finding a Jewish mate is that they start too late. "Why Marry Jewish" is a book that should be studied by young Jewish teens.

(6) Ann Rhys-Sonnenschein, March 15, 2004 12:00 AM

what about if you are....

What about a woman who is a Black- American and is Jewish? Where can I find a soulmate? Most Black and Jewish women that I know end up marrying a man who is Christian because of the lack of single, Jewish Black men.

(5) sonia, March 15, 2004 12:00 AM

one more reason...

if your children have a jewish family name, they will be seen as jews by the rest, no matter how mixed the marriage may be, or if they got jewish family lessons at all. If they are Levy or Rosesntein or such, they'll be discriminated by antisemitic people anyway. So if you make a family 100% jewis, you'll be helping their self-affirmation too.

(4) Anonymous, March 14, 2004 12:00 AM

good information

This is great information that I will pass on to my single daughter. Thank you.

(3) Anonymous, March 14, 2004 12:00 AM

Thanks for the tips, but what about in the real world?

Dear Doron, I'm sure you mean well; however I know many Jewish singles, including myself, that incorporate all 7 of your tips into their lives and have done for several years to no avail. Reading your article makes me fell very frustrated.
Regards,
Anita S

(2) Yitzchak Finch, March 14, 2004 12:00 AM

You forgot one option...

Hey!

You forgot one very important tip! Which is actually a combination of several of the ones you listed, and that is:

1) Move to a Jewish neighborhood...in Jerusalem.

2) Attend Torah classes...at Aish or EYAHT, or one of the many great yeshivas and seminaries here.

3) Get set up...by one of the gazillion matchmakers waiting to meet you!

This is what I'm trying!

(1) Sarah, March 14, 2004 12:00 AM

what about those of us who arent so young?

Although this article gave some good advice that singles of all ages can follow, I found that it was mostly geared to the young. Let's not forget those of us out here who find themselves single in our 30's, 40's, 50's and beyond! We too deserve to find our Jewish soulmates. Thanks!

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About the Author

Doron Kornbluth

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Doron Kornbluth is a sought-after international speaker who teaches all types of audiences in over 50 cities a year. An inspirational licensed tour guide in Israel, Doron is also the bestselling author of Why Be Jewish? and Raising Kids to LOVE Being Jewish. He can be reached at www.doronkornbluth.com.