13 Steps to Harmonious Relationships

Searching for a marriage partner is often a daunting process, full of difficult and painful experiences.

Many singles create shopping lists with all the qualities they believe their true soul mates must have. They make their candidates jump through hoops as they search for the one that will make them happy. This screening does not guarantee a good marriage. All these check lists only make finding a mate harder, for who can possibly meet all the criteria? And when a candidate is found lacking according to the list, a real Soulmate can be turned away.

What ensures a good, happy marriage? Experience and research reveals that the most important elements in a successful marriage are good character traits and communication skills. This succinct list describes the essential qualities that are so vital to nurture in oneself and to recognize in others.

13 Steps to Harmonious Relationships

Step 1. Be Understanding
Understand with empathy. Listen attentively, with compassion. Ask clarifying and open-ended questions to fully understand and to show your interest. Communicate your understanding with "active listening" and by responding in a non-critical and non-defensive way.

Step 2. Be Respectful
Honor each person by showing positive regard and respect. Relate to the essential goodness of each person, even when it is hidden. Recognize their great potential. Show them that you know how precious and valuable they are by expressing respect and appreciation.

Step 3. Be Sincere
Be genuine. Be really present with authentic and sincere interest. Share your best self, your highest feelings, your soulful connection, your caring and desire to help.

Step 4. Be Exemplary
Teach by example. Be a living example of what you want to teach. Inspire others with your positive attitude, joyful feelings and actions. Be a good role model.

Step 5. Be Clear
Communicate well. Speak their language, verbal and non-verbal, to build rapport, comfort and trust. For good communication, speak in ways that allows them to understand you, and in ways, such as by accurately summarizing and reflecting what they have said, so that they feel heard and understood.

Step 6. Be Encouraging
Praise other people's positive attributes and express admiration and appreciation for their talents, qualities, accomplishments, values and courage. Validate their feelings and normalize their reactions. Acknowledge and endorse their positive aspirations such as their desire to learn and grow.

Step 7. Be Supportive
Support and assist sensitively and compassionately with information, referrals, contacts, endorsements, backing, coaching, mentoring, teaching and training.

Step 8. Be Empowering
Empower others by supporting them in making their own decisions. Gently offer guidance in clarifying goals, considering consequences and choosing accomplishable steps. Their successes will increase their self-respect, confidence, sense of responsibility and empowerment.

Step 9. Be Prayerful & Optimistic
Optimistically trust in the essential goodness and growth of others .Visualize a harmonious relationship, seeing the other blessed in light and love, protected and growing. Prayers, blessings, affirmations and visualizations are powerful forces, benefiting everyone!

Step 10. Be Grateful & Gracious
Express your gratitude. Show your appreciation. Be specific with your thanks and gratitude in a timely fashion. Be grateful and acknowledge what others mean to you. Showing gratitude works wonders. Be gracious and find grace in the eyes of the Creator and of Mankind.

Step 11. Be Kind & Caring
Being kind and caring is our true calling, our soul's divine nature. The benevolent giving of ourselves, with kind gestures, caring attitudes, and actions, is a blessing and healing for those we give to, and are a blessing and healing for ourselves.

Step 12. Be A Good Friend
A good friend allows us to give, as well as to receive and feel appreciated. Even when friends are not equally capable, each has something to give the other. Creating opportunities for the other to give and gratefully receiving their gifts are the acts of a good friend.

Step 13. Be Loving
To love is to give unselfishly. God created us with love and He instructed us to love Him and His creation. Love is our soul's calling. Our destiny is to be loving, emulating the qualities of God. Love is nurturing & healing, stimulating emotional, spiritual physical growth & development.

Following the path of these 13 Steps in your search for your soul mate, you can expect to find, recognize and attract your soul mate walking on the very same path.

The Refuah Institute offers an interactive course for singles, live via the internet "Finding Your Soulmate - 13 Steps to Love". The students are able to view and participate in the course via a live video and audio connection to their home computer. This course will prepare you for your happy future by training you in these 13 steps, and will provide essential guidance to help you find your Soulmate quickly and easily. Click here for information and registration, www.refuah.net. Course begins March 5, 2006.

(9) Maricel Sarcena, April 13, 2013 3:14 PM

Very nice advise for finding a best relationship

(8) Oralia, September 20, 2007 8:31 AM

Wonderful advice and good insight

Thanks for all you good advice in the way a person should be. It is a lot of wisdom in your words and understanding. Somebody said: "For where your treasure is, there you heart will be."

(7) khana feiler, August 2, 2007 5:39 AM

Interesting in learning counseling.

I am 66 years old and retiring in half a year from almost 30 yeasrs at the Rothberg Int'l School of the Hebrew U. I would like to re-train and work as a counselor where I feel I have natural skills. I am married, as are all my children. They all live in Israel, they are all frum, they are all professionals and they all serve the Jewish community.

(6) simom, June 13, 2006 12:00 AM

this is the best advice I ever read.

I would like to thank you for these wonderful and helpful advice in regard to relationship. I believe that if people could apply these advice in their relationship, we wouldn't face this problem of short term relationship. I will personally benefit from your advice and thank you for your wisdom.

(5) sam solomon, May 14, 2006 12:00 AM

Enlightning And refreshing

I will learn and accomplish reading your articles.Thank you.

(4) Joel, May 3, 2006 12:00 AM

I've done and do all those things and they don't work

I have read books on relationships for many years and follow your advice instinctively. Your advice is good advice for human relationships in general, but in Man/Woman relationships. I think it is pretty much useless. Woman don't respect a man who treats them that way. They say they do- with their dying breath but if you look at things empirically, they do not. Women want a man to take charge and tell them what to do, how to think, etc. I don't believe in that and I refuse to act that way, hence I am single and don't date much.

Anonymous, April 4, 2013 1:13 AM

Are you really willing to hear the truth?

I am a woman, and if you think we are lying when we say this is what we are looking for, then you either haven't really made any lasting and sincere changes or you are going out with really shallow girls. I am inclined to think your problem is the first one, given the tone of your complaint. Have you spoken to any one who can really help you and listened to their advice (like a rabbi or life coach?) ? Maybe try that...

(3) Gladys, April 23, 2006 12:00 AM

The 13 steps are common sense

The 13 steps should be used in any realtionship, with parents, neighbors, family, but most of all, the one you love and family. Inconsideration is not a valuable trait.

(2) Naibeth Montero, April 2, 2006 12:00 AM

This is comlete trus

Sorry for my ingles: I thing is complete trust this 13 steps , I am geting marry in Februery next year with my fiance, & this is goint to help me to show him the what I tell him before is trust Thank's GOD i read this I olways try to tock with him about this a lot times & I know he Love me a lot but is very like baby some time , so with this I am goint to print & show to him for be & one person like I always dream.
Naibeth Montero.

(1) Anonymous, February 26, 2006 12:00 AM

not only for soul mates

These 13 ways/steps can be creative in any relationship,maybe most needed in our times between educators & their students.