Profiles
My Kids Are at Columbia and Harvard - This Is What They’re Seeing
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5 min read
A Hollywood screenwriter lays out his checklist of "non-negotiables" for the serious dater.
With the possible, single exception of global, thermonuclear war, dating has got to be the hardest, cruelest, most grueling, unusually deceptive, extraordinarily haphazard and exorbitantly expensive undertaking between human beings since the dawn of time.
An overstatement? Hardly. Everyone we know has had his/her full share of horror stories and battle scars. Yet we still manage to stay in the fray, year after disappointing year, gamely hoping (praying?) that the very next person we encounter will be The One...
What makes this seemingly innocent social activity between consenting adults such a blueprint for utter catastrophe?
To paraphrase the real estate industry's classic benchmark for property valuation, "Location, Location, Location," the pitfalls of dating can be summed up with, "Agenda, Agenda, Agenda." In other words, it's each party's real intentions going in -- i.e. mis-communicated real intentions -- that gets us clobbered every single time.
Let's start with an obvious oversimplification, which we all know, for the most part, happens to be absolutely true: Guys generally have one agenda, gals have another. Okay? There. We've said it for the record in black and white.
We also know that starting any kind of relationship, be it social or business, "coming from two entirely different perspectives with two entirely different game plans" virtually assures a no-win outcome. That means -- if a lady accepts an invitation for a date thinking this guy's a good bet to become her future One-and-Only. And if the guy asks a lady out simply because she's a knockout, well, somebody is inevitably going to get hurt. Probably both of us.
I'm an "ex-dater," now happily married with two children. Through much trial, error and pain, I stumbled upon "Cliff's Ten Golden Rules of Serious Dating":
Even if you have to throw out all the other nine rules, stick to Number Ten at all costs. When it comes to dating, physical intimacy is the most seductive, potentially damaging pitfall of them all. Remember something, ladies -- (Guys, don't kill me for this) -- if a guy wants to become intimate with you, I guarantee he isn't doing it for you.
These rules are guaranteed to get you through the dating process relatively unbattered. It isn't "rocket science." It's actually harder than rocket science -- and it's called "common sense." The older we get the better we (hopefully!) know ourselves. When you finally do meet The One you've been waiting for, don't wait around second-guessing yourself till the cows come home (old Jewish proverb). Make your move!
Trust me (old Hollywood proverb). You'll be glad you did!