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5 Things Not to Compromise While Dating
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5 Things Not to Compromise While Dating

Staying true to yourself while dating.

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5 Things Not to Compromise While Dating

February 14, 2015

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Visitor Comments: 8

(6) scott, March 3, 2015 8:54 AM

Mixed reviews on this one.

I get this article to a point. But I think this philosophy is also why so many people take so long finding a mate.

I dated a lot before I married. I listened to a lot of people whining about how they couldn't find that perfect person. Then they told me about their busy perfect lives that only needed that person that would fit into their friends and family and community and looked at their world the exact same way. like a round peg in a round hole.

Unfortunately everyone they met had a few corners and they were unwilling to accommodate corners.

Marriage is not the meeting of two people who are exactly like minded and can manage their relationship on whatever time is left over after they continue their busy lives.

Marriage requires growth and change. If you are really interested in marriage I think you have to accept some truths. You are not perfect all by yourself. Your life as it is is incomplete. There are big things wrong with you. Your friends and parents are not intended to be the center of your life. And you need someone to call you on your stuff when your wrong, even when it concerns your core values. But there is someone who will accommodate your flaws if you do the same for theirs and will work to figure out how to shove as much of both of you into a shared life as possible.

I just explained the first few years of a marriage. Those that are willing to build a new life by changing and growing and compromising, making new friends and define family as a place where your marriage takes center stage and your only loyalty is to your spouse...they survive 100% of the time. The rest well they're the ones who start thinking about divorce.

If you want to hold on to everything you are right now, there's no room for anyone else.

(5) daniel, February 20, 2015 2:34 AM

fyi

Beautiful article. Nothing to add, just dont want people to take this the wrong way. While its crucial to be yourself, this doesn't mean you should feel comfortable cleaning your ears or burping out loud on a date. Especially during dating one should be on his best manners. And who knows, maybe that will become him one day.

Anna, February 21, 2015 10:27 PM

My great-grandmother and grandmother used to say something to the effect that if they do something that really jars on you, think very carefully-it won't jar any less as time goes by. (mind blank trying to think of an example) The old joke about the three most important things to the bride being aisle, altar, hymn doesn't really work in Judaism, but the principle does-and she probably won't. It goes both ways, of course. A friend's husband was an attractive, handsome man who saw no reason to-well, he couldn't help being attractive and handsome, but he could help flirting and worse, even after they were married. I suppose that she naively thought that he would.

A girl I knew thought that her boyfriend/fiance's extreme jealousy that resulted in possessiveness and occasionally violence showed how much he loved her !!! Yes, she really did, and nobody could persuade her that it showed that he was a possesive, violent 'man'. Oh, all that would change when they were married. Yes, I'm sure that it did. We all know that once that little gold ring goes on, all such problems are magically changed and such character flaws as violence and jealousy disappear. I don't know how long the marriage lasted. Maybe the poor fool's still with him.

Another girl I knew had a boyfriend like that, and, with my support (not that I did much but affirm and listen) she left him before it was too late.

I know that people CAN change, but it won't happen just because one loves them.

(4) Maria, February 20, 2015 2:32 AM

Not just for dating

Every single day we should strive to be true to ourselves, uphold our core values, honor and chresish our family and friends, and take responsibility for our health, intellectual and spiritual development, financial wellbeing, and making this world better. Not that we always can, but we should keep at it.

(3) SusanE, February 19, 2015 5:41 PM

Equally for your Partner

Your partner should stay true to themselves and keep their friends and stay loyal to their family. Your partner should hold fast to their religious convictions when dating you. And should be responsible for their own happiness. So you must give room for your partner not to change his or her life for you. It's only fair.

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