click here to jump to start of article
Join Our Newsletter

Get latest articles and videos with Jewish inspiration and insights​




5 Ways to Show a Woman You’re Interested

5 Ways to Show a Woman You’re Interested

How to give off the right signals to your date.

by

When you’re on a date, no matter who she is, women want your attention. Here are five tools to help you show her that you’re interested, without turning her off.

  1. Your face is public property. If a picture is worth a thousand words, your face is doing a lot of talking. It’s the most public representation of your feelings. Unless you’re a seasoned actor, your face will tell her all she needs to know without you saying a word. When you’re not feeling it, she can see it. What is particularly challenging is when you’re not sure what you’re feeling – your face shows that too. It’s uncomfortable to be with someone who is still trying to figure out whether or not they like you. Do your best to put on a smile and enjoy your time together. Even if there is no second date, it’s still worth being present and enjoying your current date.

  2. Show that you’re listening. When she is talking, really listen to her. This isn’t an easy task. Active listening is experiencing what she is saying, taking her words, thoughts and feelings in. Just nodding along as she talks is not so satisfying. Move more than your head; get your whole body language involved. For example, if she says something you connect to, perhaps you can lean in as if to say, “Tell me more.” While you don’t want to be too intense, try not to space out. Women want to know you are really paying attention. She may not call you out for your inattention on a date, but she will likely say no to a second date if she feels you are more interested in your surroundings – or your phone – than in her.

  3. Ask the right way. How you ask questions is equally important to what you ask. If you say, in a hurried tone, “So what do you most enjoy about being a speech therapist?”…it may not show your interest. It could even sound accusatory, as if you’re asking “How could someone choose that job?” However, asking, “So, tell me, what do you most enjoy about being a speech therapist?”…will be perceived very differently. Notice the commas. You want to have natural pauses in your speech. Asking a good question and slowing down your rate of speech shows interest. Slowing down your speaking can also help to calm nerves and relax both of you, bring depth to the moment, and add to your sincere interest.

  4. Look into her eyes. A prolonged look can help progress a date. Again, you don’t want to be too intense – this isn’t a staring contest. But a mesmerized look can communicate eloquently that you think she's really special!

  5. Pay for the date. I’d like to reinstitute the lost art of chivalry. Although a woman can split the check or pay for the date, it doesn’t seem to help the connection on either end. Men can develop a greater connection by giving to a woman. A woman receiving and appreciating can also build that connection. When the check is split, we miss out on a tremendous opportunity to connect at a basic level; we are still two individuals who are just doing our own thing. But when the guy pays for the date, it creates a “we” moment. And men, don’t worry; the ladies don’t really want a free meal. A free meal is lousy unless it comes with great company. They want to have a great date with you. Paying for the date is just a part of the process of making the moment special.

May you meet a good woman and may each date get better than the one before!

Click here to read more dating wisdom articles.

June 4, 2016

Give Tzedakah! Help Aish.com create inspiring
articles, videos and blogs featuring timeless Jewish wisdom.
The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 7

(4) Josh, June 23, 2016 10:27 PM

missing the obvious

This article is good but misses the easiest and most direct way to demonstrate interest in a woman ie: Let a woman know you're interested by actually telling her you're interested and think she s attractive. Women from my experience appreciate confidence in a man above all else and they want to know you're not afraid to express how you feel and go for what you want, especially if it s her.

(3) Josh, June 10, 2016 9:32 AM

how to show a woman you're interested in her

here's two: 1) tell her you think she's good looking 2) actually tell her you're interested!

(2) scott, June 7, 2016 7:08 AM

That's not the issue.

How do porcupines mate? Very carefully. But they got nothing on humans. We have pride and fear of rejection.

That's really what all this is about. If you ask a woman out and she says yes. There's interest. Unless you're in the habit in dining out with people you dont like.

Yes the things this guy are advocating are things you should do. 1-4 I do with my buddies and once in a while I even pick up the check. Its just manners.

But the issue is how to get past the fear of both rejection and fear of moving forward with the wrong person and really start talking.

I went out a few times with a woman I had a huge crush on. But it never got past having dinner when we were both free. She had decided early on that I was a friend so that was it.

We ran into each other a few years later while I was running wedding errands because I was actually marrying someone else. She was amazed. She didn't think I was in the marriage market.

We sat and talked and she told me that when we were spending time together I was building a business and focused on that so she decided in her mind that I wasn't a marriage prospect in the near term. She was doing the same so we chatted a lot about that as the relationship turned into a casual friendship.

She never let the relationship progress because she didn't want to sit around and wait for me to be "ready" to get married. She didn't want to be rejected.

Shes still not married. Who knows if we'd have actually talked seriously instead of playing games she'd be married to me.

My wife and I did the first date polite stuff you know attraction and whatnot, but on the second date we actually talked about the things that mattered and when we wanted to do them. Dating was about seeing whether or not we wanted to do them together. We were engaged in a month and married in six.

(1) Anonymous, June 5, 2016 8:55 AM

Thanks for the article, but I disagree with the idea of advocating for the use of contrived efforts to win someone over. Quite frankly, these are all (except for #5) examples of manipulation tactics and ways to become a great actor---not ways to create a deep, meaningful relationship.

Miriam, June 6, 2016 10:30 AM

Life is about acting!

G-d wants us to act all day and night, all the time! He gives us mitzvot to act like we're giving, act like we're nice, act like we're great parents, great children, great humans, even if we don't feel like it! That's what life's about!

See All Comments

Submit Your Comment:

  • Display my name?

  • Your email address is kept private. Our editor needs it in case we have a question about your comment.


  • * required field 2000
Submit Comment
stub