When you’re on a date, no matter who she is, women want your attention. Here are five tools to help you show her that you’re interested, without turning her off.

  1. Your face is public property. If a picture is worth a thousand words, your face is doing a lot of talking. It’s the most public representation of your feelings. Unless you’re a seasoned actor, your face will tell her all she needs to know without you saying a word. When you’re not feeling it, she can see it. What is particularly challenging is when you’re not sure what you’re feeling – your face shows that too. It’s uncomfortable to be with someone who is still trying to figure out whether or not they like you. Do your best to put on a smile and enjoy your time together. Even if there is no second date, it’s still worth being present and enjoying your current date.

  2. Show that you’re listening. When she is talking, really listen to her. This isn’t an easy task. Active listening is experiencing what she is saying, taking her words, thoughts and feelings in. Just nodding along as she talks is not so satisfying. Move more than your head; get your whole body language involved. For example, if she says something you connect to, perhaps you can lean in as if to say, “Tell me more.” While you don’t want to be too intense, try not to space out. Women want to know you are really paying attention. She may not call you out for your inattention on a date, but she will likely say no to a second date if she feels you are more interested in your surroundings – or your phone – than in her.

  3. Ask the right way. How you ask questions is equally important to what you ask. If you say, in a hurried tone, “So what do you most enjoy about being a speech therapist?”…it may not show your interest. It could even sound accusatory, as if you’re asking “How could someone choose that job?” However, asking, “So, tell me, what do you most enjoy about being a speech therapist?”…will be perceived very differently. Notice the commas. You want to have natural pauses in your speech. Asking a good question and slowing down your rate of speech shows interest. Slowing down your speaking can also help to calm nerves and relax both of you, bring depth to the moment, and add to your sincere interest.

  4. Look into her eyes. A prolonged look can help progress a date. Again, you don’t want to be too intense – this isn’t a staring contest. But a mesmerized look can communicate eloquently that you think she's really special!

  5. Pay for the date. I’d like to reinstitute the lost art of chivalry. Although a woman can split the check or pay for the date, it doesn’t seem to help the connection on either end. Men can develop a greater connection by giving to a woman. A woman receiving and appreciating can also build that connection. When the check is split, we miss out on a tremendous opportunity to connect at a basic level; we are still two individuals who are just doing our own thing. But when the guy pays for the date, it creates a “we” moment. And men, don’t worry; the ladies don’t really want a free meal. A free meal is lousy unless it comes with great company. They want to have a great date with you. Paying for the date is just a part of the process of making the moment special.

May you meet a good woman and may each date get better than the one before!

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