Here are my favorite things to say to yourself to keep you focused, positive and grounded in reality when dating.

I will be sincerely interested in my date. Listening is an important skill and a lost art. Practice listening and try to be sincerely interested in what your date has to say.

One of the greatest things you can do for someone is to be an active listener.

Date ’em till you hate ’em. A client taught me this phrase. I usually say, “When in doubt, go out,” but either of these phrases are an easy way to get clarity fast when dating. Go out until you have a confirmed “no,” from either side. If it’s not a “no” and you’re feeling undecided about whether or not to continue, that means it’s a “yes”... at least for another date. You’re not deciding to marry this person, you’re seeking more clarity. A no means no. A “maybe,” “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure,” is a yes for another date.

My relationship is not a social media status. Your relationship should be private, but not totally private. Don’t discuss relationships on social media. It’s better to work on your relationship instead of announcing it to the world. So don’t rush to update your social media status to “in a relationship.” On the other hand, you do want to have a handful of people you trust, who you can confide in and who can support you.

When the right one comes and you decide to take things to the next level—engagement—that’s definitely worth posting and sharing with your larger community!

I will attract the right person. Finding the right one is a real challenge. Bad dates can frequently happen. They’re normal. Think of it this way: Everyone you date is Mr./Mrs. Wrong until you meet the person you are going to marry! A bad date tells you clearly that this person isn’t for you. And when you finally do meet the right person, you’ll be able, with clarity, to know this person is right—because you’ve experienced all the wrong kinds of people.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or weighed down, take a break and give yourself time away from the dating scene. Do things that make you happy and rejuvenate you. In the right time you will attract the right person.

I’m engaging, interesting and can hold a conversation. Know, like and appreciate yourself, and then share yourself with others. Be engaging. Don’t wait for someone else to carry the conversation or make it a great date. Be someone who is easy to talk to. Have topics on hand.

Ask engaging, interesting questions. Instead of asking where someone lives, which can be a one-word answer, try asking what they appreciate or value about their community. Remember, you don’t need to be entertaining on a date; rather, be interested in what your date shares and be an active listener.

I can be in a relationship and also follow my dreams. Have a business you want to build? Want to start a nonprofit? Want to volunteer and travel? Keep your dreams alive, especially while searching for your soul mate. Stay grounded and balanced. Make sure you’ve got enough time to date, enough time to do something great in the world and enough time to take break, too!

Navigating the dating scene takes effort and time. Think about the mantras you’ve been repeating to yourself. Are they supporting you and helping you in dating, or frustrating you and dragging you down?

What are the mantras that have most positively affected your dating? Please share a few below!