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6 Dating Mantras for the Marriage Minded

6 Dating Mantras for the Marriage Minded

My favorite things to say to yourself to keep you focused, positive and grounded when dating.


Here are my favorite things to say to yourself to keep you focused, positive and grounded in reality when dating.

I will be sincerely interested in my date. Listening is an important skill and a lost art. Practice listening and try to be sincerely interested in what your date has to say.

One of the greatest things you can do for someone is to be an active listener.

Date ’em till you hate ’em. A client taught me this phrase. I usually say, “When in doubt, go out,” but either of these phrases are an easy way to get clarity fast when dating. Go out until you have a confirmed “no,” from either side. If it’s not a “no” and you’re feeling undecided about whether or not to continue, that means it’s a “yes”... at least for another date. You’re not deciding to marry this person, you’re seeking more clarity. A no means no. A “maybe,” “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure,” is a yes for another date.

My relationship is not a social media status. Your relationship should be private, but not totally private. Don’t discuss relationships on social media. It’s better to work on your relationship instead of announcing it to the world. So don’t rush to update your social media status to “in a relationship.” On the other hand, you do want to have a handful of people you trust, who you can confide in and who can support you.

When the right one comes and you decide to take things to the next level—engagement—that’s definitely worth posting and sharing with your larger community!

I will attract the right person. Finding the right one is a real challenge. Bad dates can frequently happen. They’re normal. Think of it this way: Everyone you date is Mr./Mrs. Wrong until you meet the person you are going to marry! A bad date tells you clearly that this person isn’t for you. And when you finally do meet the right person, you’ll be able, with clarity, to know this person is right—because you’ve experienced all the wrong kinds of people.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or weighed down, take a break and give yourself time away from the dating scene. Do things that make you happy and rejuvenate you. In the right time you will attract the right person.

I’m engaging, interesting and can hold a conversation. Know, like and appreciate yourself, and then share yourself with others. Be engaging. Don’t wait for someone else to carry the conversation or make it a great date. Be someone who is easy to talk to. Have topics on hand.

Ask engaging, interesting questions. Instead of asking where someone lives, which can be a one-word answer, try asking what they appreciate or value about their community. Remember, you don’t need to be entertaining on a date; rather, be interested in what your date shares and be an active listener.

I can be in a relationship and also follow my dreams. Have a business you want to build? Want to start a nonprofit? Want to volunteer and travel? Keep your dreams alive, especially while searching for your soul mate. Stay grounded and balanced. Make sure you’ve got enough time to date, enough time to do something great in the world and enough time to take break, too!

Navigating the dating scene takes effort and time. Think about the mantras you’ve been repeating to yourself. Are they supporting you and helping you in dating, or frustrating you and dragging you down?

What are the mantras that have most positively affected your dating? Please share a few below!

March 10, 2018

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Visitor Comments: 4

(3) MESA, April 3, 2018 4:05 PM

That last point was very appropriate. Many years ago, I was told by a couple of co-workers "don't get married until you're at least 35." Why? Because there's too much to do until then and you want to do it now before your marriage and family tie you down. B"H, I didn't listen. You can do wonderful things even after you're married and you have children. It's all about finding a balance and knowing your priorities. I'm doing a lot of good things outside my home, but I wouldn't trade my wonderful husband and adorable children for the world.

(2) Bobby5000, March 22, 2018 2:47 AM


"Finding the right one is a real challenge. Bad dates can frequently happen,"

One basic problem is that there are a small number of men and women who are invariably good dates- well-dressed, good conversationalists and listeners, they smile and display genuine interest. However, the group gets a large number of admirers and so I see a friend in this group with different women on a fairly regular basis and he is probably not marriage-minded.

So people interested in marriage have to realize there can be some challenges with people and to assess the overall person and go beyond them. So if Jack was not perfectly dressed, you may have to weigh the good with the bad and see if he would be a loving and loyal husband.

Rachel, March 23, 2018 12:50 AM

Then what does your friend want?

Assuming that your friend is observant, if he’s not marriage minded, what is he getting out of the time and expense of dating?
And while there are issues that can be difficult to overcome (such as shyness), it’s also self-sabotaging to not correct surface traits such as dressing badly. You don’t need designer clothes, but if it’s not clean and venue-appropriate, then it’s kind of disrespectful to the person you’re seeing to wear it on a date.

(1) Rachel, March 19, 2018 7:23 AM

Forget marriage

Ok, I’m being glib. But seriously, after you establish the fact that you’re not going to date someone who’s just looking for a short term good time, why would you start thinking about marrying anyone whom you barely know? The purpose of dating is to learn more about the other person. Only when you get to know the other will you know whether that person might be “the one”. So calm down and if anyone asks pushy questions, tell them that you are not interested in discussing your personal life. And parents— if your adult son or daughter wants your input, they will tell you.

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