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Keeping the Hope Alive

Keeping the Hope Alive

I won't let the sadness of not having a husband and kids take over my life.

by

Sometimes I have to force myself into hope. I’m not always depressed -- I’m actually happy most of the time. I have a wonderful life, fabulous friends, a great family, a job I love and a community that I can give to and that takes care of me.

But I have a hole in my life. Sometimes it doesn’t seem too big; other times it’s so big I wonder if I can ever climb out of it. My full life is missing a husband and a family. I’m just as childless as a couple married for years without success, but I have nobody to share the pain and disappointment with.

Thank God I do have so many other wonderful parts of my life and I believe that my husband and children will come. I just wish I had a time frame, and maybe even a name.

I was at a wedding last week and had one of those wonderful evenings that gives me hope. The couple getting married knew each other for 13 years and dated through high school and college. For reasons beyond their control they were not able to marry until now. They struggled for the past few years, knowing they wanted to build a life with each other and not able to see the dream come true. Here they were, surrounded by family and close friends, on a magnificent, warm November day that only Californians can expect. I watched him coming towards her with the men dancing around him and the women surrounding her laughing and crying as the couple saw each other for the first time.

As they stood under the chupah with the rabbi who helped them through their struggles, everyone smiled and cried a little more. We danced for hours. Weddings can be hard for me to go to. Not that I don’t wish the couple happiness, but there is always the nagging thought, Why not me? There was none of that at this wedding. This one gave me hope and belief that one day, with God's help, I will also find the right man for me.

 

We all have hardship; it’s how we react to it and work through it that defines us.

Everyone has challenge in his or her life. Our sages tell us that our tests are tailor made for us. If everyone would put their problems in a big pile and had to go back in and pick one, they would choose theirs. The most special people I know, the ones I look up to the most, happen to be individuals who have had tremendous pain and struggle. That common denominator is not a coincidence. They worked through the challenge and came out that much better for it.

We all have hardship; it’s how we react to it and work through it that defines us. I have other pains in my life, but feeling alone in the world, with only God at my side, is my biggest. I have to remind myself all the time that it's my reaction to the test that will define who I am when it's over.

Unfortunately I’m not alone in this pain and I am very much aware that I have it so much better than so many of my peers. Not everyone has the support system I do, or the great job I can lose myself in. I am blessed in countless ways. As I’ve said before, God in His infinite wisdom has put me on this path; He is running the world, my world, and knows exactly what’s going on. And that’s why I have to keep the hope alive.

I have to keep praying and doing as much good as I can to make sure I’m on the radar for everyone to remember me. It’s so easy to get lost in it all, to get depressed, lonely, sad, and angry. I need to work on being hopeful and happy, and thoughtful of others, to not dwell on the part of my life that I feel is bad (God doesn’t think it is; He put me here to grow). I have hope that one day (may it be soon!) I will be the one walking down the aisle to meet the man I will be one with forever.

Published: November 28, 2009


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Visitor Comments: 89

(84) Anonymous, May 11, 2011 11:37 AM

Thank you

Oh wow! This is exactly at times what I feel. I wish "I was the one" and worst is when I say "what is wrong with me?" It is so hard to live in this world where the material desires almost always take over and you always have to remind yourself that God is there to take care of you. I am 27, a medical doctor, and I always find men that get intimated by my work, my personality and those that i do find, have this thing to try and prove themselves to me through showing me their material gains. When will the day come when men will realise, then us career woman are just woman, who want to be loved, to give love and have a family. We want a simple life, not one filled with material pleasures. I hope one day I do will fill that hole and have a loving husband and lots of kids. xo

Paul, September 26, 2011 9:35 PM

Ahhh great though

AHhh i feel exactly the same you know... i am 33 have a Masters in science...i guess sometimes it is easier saying things than doing and people act as if there were something wring with you and give you all sorts of advice... i sometimes you end up believing so... i just wanted to say i understand you and i am a guy

Anonymous, October 31, 2011 2:17 PM

me too

Reading this article gave me a ton of strengtg, and this response in particular. I am 28, also a medical doctor, and find it so challenging to navigate the stress of daily life working in medicine without the comfort of a loving, fulfilling relationship to fall back on, especially when it feels like everyone around me is in one. I try to look at this period of my life as the middle of a chapter whose end is yet unknown, and to use my time being single to grow into the best wife and mother I can be. Even though sometimes it is so difficult to stay positive, G-d is running the show and this will be for my benefit!

Esther, August 28, 2014 8:15 PM

You deserve it and it will come

You are an intelligent woman and deserve a good man, one right for you. I believe that a man who is secure in himself and welcomes an equal, and looking for a good, educated, intelligent woman will find you.

(83) Anonymous, December 19, 2010 9:37 AM

Thank You

This article has left me nearly in tears because it's what I needed to hear. God has me in this exact situation, and I've tried to understand why. But, it is a test and how I respond will determine the outcome. Until I become more patient and content with being single now for six years, after the loss of my husband of 23 years, nothing will change. It's a very difficult test for me, but I know I have to also keep my faith in God that He will come thru and has the right man for me, at the right time in my life. I may think I'm ready, but He already knows that I'm not, and there are other things that He has in mind for me right now. So, I will keep the faith and pray daily for patience, but it's still hard. Sometimes, it seems as though there's just silence from Him. When that happens, it makes me trust Him more, by faith, since faith is not about what you feel, but what you believe. I know that I believe in His Word, and He cannot fail me. So, many days, this is all that I have to stand on. Hope helps tremendously and gives me comfort that one day I will again be married and in a mutually-loving and respectful relationship. It does feel lonely sometimes and depressing. But, I pray, trust in Him and keep the hope alive. Thank you for such a great article. It truly touched my heart. It was tailor-made for me, and just what I needed to hear. Sincerely, Roslyn

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