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9 Reasons to Date Your Best Friend

9 Reasons to Date Your Best Friend

Be bold and give it a try.


Many people think that dating a friend is a bad plan. “Aleeza, I can’t date my friend, I don’t want to mess up the friendship.” I think it can be a great idea. Here are my 9 reasons why you should give it a shot:

1. You know each other well. How nice is it to come into a relationship where you already know each other! And you can just be yourself. Also, if you’re close friends, you have probably seen and heard the good, bad and the ugly about this person...and you still like them.

2. You already have a connection. That spark, affinity and care that binds you two together exists between the two of you even before that first date.

3. You can be yourself. You don’t have to put on any airs; you can just be who you are. Your friend has likely seen the real you and you are likely used to being yourself around them.

4. You have already developed trust. Trust is the foundation of a relationship and it’s one of the hardest things to build. Trust takes time. And since you’re friends, you’ve already built up a reserve of trust between yourselves. This is invaluable. Coming into a new relationship with trust puts your relationship ahead of the game and sets you up for success.

5. You accept each other's differences. By now you are probably well-versed in knowing your similarities and differences. And if you’ve still chosen to be friends, then there’s a good chance you’ve accepted each other’s differences to some degree. Acceptance of differences, like trust, is what builds the foundation for a solid and lasting relationship.

6. Is there already love? It is likely you have developed the kernels of love already. We develop love by giving and friends are used to giving to each other. It is through giving that we increase our love for one another.

7. You have respect. We usually choose to spend our time with people we do respect. Without respect, we can’t look up to someone or build a deeper relationship.

8. Cares about me. Friends are great at caring about each other, as well as taking good care of one another. It takes time to get to know someone and to learn how to best care for them. Since you have already developed care and concern, you can focus on other things that come up and develop a deeper connection more quickly and easily.

9. You enjoy spending time together. You already know that you enjoy hanging out with this person.

Not all friends can be transformed into a successful relationship, but there is one good thing that does come with trying: living with no regrets.

I once had a best friend whom I was interested in. When I finally got the courage up to say something, I didn’t get the yes I was hoping for. However, looking back, I don’t have any regrets. I thought there was potential and I went for it. The answer was no. We remained friends. Naturally, it took some time to get past the uncomfortable feelings but our friendship was strong enough to weather the storm.

On the other hand, I have a client who successfully turned a friend into someone he is dating seriously. They have had to make some adjustments in their relationship (like actually dating instead of just “hanging out”). Building a relationship has taken some patience, time and effort. But the comfort of being with someone you know, like and trust is worth investing the time to build the relationship.

What’s better than having a friend? Marrying one! Build up your courage and think about the best way to approach the subject. Need more tips on how to go from friend to boy/girlfriend? The next article will tell you how to do it.

June 27, 2015

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Visitor Comments: 10

(9) MESA, January 3, 2017 2:39 PM

worth a try

I met and became friends with a young man when we worked together as advisors for a kiruv group. Someone suggested that he date me. At first, he hesitated because he didn't want to ruin a good friendship, but then he decided to give it a try. B"H, we're happily married 14 years and counting with three adorable, healthy children. My advice is to try. Worst case- at least you tried and now you can continue looking for your bashert. Best case- your bashert might be staring you in the face.

(8) Anonymous, October 9, 2015 12:35 PM

my best friend was also my ex's friend

hi aleeza. i'm divorced with a handful of children. my husband used to hang out with some friends at home, and naturally i also became friends with his friends. i'm still in touch with them and one of them i became really close to because he's fun to be around and always so caring, helpful and nice to me. the problem is that he's more than 10 years younger than me and i just don't know if i should dare give it a try...

(7) Anonymous, July 4, 2015 7:12 PM

Definitely worth it

I am sad to say that I sometimes regret not marrying my then best friend. I thought it would ruin our friendship but realise now that he was possibly the right one for me. I say this after 17 years of marriage and always returning to the thought that maybe I should have married someone who i had much more in common with. I loved my husband very much and even though we had many differences there was something intangible that bound me to him. However I have never had the same interests and tastes as him and tho this has often caused much amusement between us it has often been the cause of much regret for me personally.
However I try not to dwell on this too much, it is of course damaging to think like this, and it is useless to dwell on the past. I say this to help all of those who think that not having a current attraction to their best friend is an obstcacle to intimacy and marriage.
I say, not having a strong connection is the far greater obstacle.

(6) Anonymous, July 3, 2015 6:53 AM

Maybe in theory

Nine times out of nine, a man is best friends with a woman because he is not interested in dating her. And if the woman asks, it's over (but at least she can move on, which she should have already done). A better strategy would be for the woman to make herself not so available. That is more likely to trigger his "I better pursue her" lightbulb.

(5) William Henry, July 3, 2015 12:31 AM

52 years and still going strong !!!

I agree and endorse all of the.above. I married my good friend in 1963 and we are still pretending that we are on our honeymoon 52 years later !!!

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