| |||
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
With the possible, single exception of global, thermonuclear war, dating has got to be the hardest, cruelest, most grueling, unusually deceptive, extraordinarily haphazard and exorbitantly expensive undertaking between human beings since the dawn of time. An overstatement? Hardly. Everyone we know has had his/her full share of horror stories and battle scars. Yet we still manage to stay in the fray, year after disappointing year, gamely hoping (praying?) that the very next person we encounter will be The One... What makes this seemingly innocent social activity between consenting adults such a blueprint for utter catastrophe? To paraphrase the real estate industry's classic benchmark for property valuation, "Location, Location, Location," the pitfalls of dating can be summed up with, "Agenda, Agenda, Agenda." In other words, it's each party's real intentions going in -- i.e. mis-communicated real intentions -- that gets us clobbered every single time. Let's start with an obvious oversimplification, which we all know, for the most part, happens to be absolutely true: Guys generally have one agenda, gals have another. Okay? There. We've said it for the record in black and white. We also know that starting any kind of relationship, be it social or business, "coming from two entirely different perspectives with two entirely different game plans" virtually assures a no-win outcome. That means -- if a lady accepts an invitation for a date thinking this guy's a good bet to become her future One-and-Only. And if the guy asks a lady out simply because she's a knockout, well, somebody is inevitably going to get hurt. Probably both of us. I'm an "ex-dater," now happily married with two children. Through much trial, error and pain, I stumbled upon "Cliff's Ten Golden Rules of Serious Dating":
Even if you have to throw out all the other nine rules, stick to Number Ten at all costs. When it comes to dating, physical intimacy is the most seductive, potentially damaging pitfall of them all. Remember something, ladies -- (Guys, don't kill me for this) -- if a guy wants to become intimate with you, I guarantee he isn't doing it for you. These rules are guaranteed to get you through the dating process relatively unbattered. It isn't "rocket science." It's actually harder than rocket science -- and it's called "common sense." The older we get the better we (hopefully!) know ourselves. When you finally do meet The One you've been waiting for, don't wait around second-guessing yourself till the cows come home (old Jewish proverb). Make your move! Trust me (old Hollywood proverb). You'll be glad you did! Published: Sunday, December 03, 2000
If you would like to receive "Great Dating Wisdom" or other features via e-mail, please enter your email address here:
Like what you read? As a non-profit organization, Aish.com relies on support from readers like you to enable us to provide inspiring and relevant articles. Click here to support Aish.com.
|
|
 |
If you would like to receive "Great Dating Wisdom" or other features via e-mail, please enter your email address here:
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Donate to Aish
 |
|
Hear related audio on this topic
I followed these and am still single at 50!
I made up the same set of rules for myself when I was 15. It is the reason I am still single today. Men are only looking for the best looking sex partner they can get with the least amount of work. Then they wind up married to her and divorced from her. I can't speak for the Orthodox community, for I am not observant, but what I say is the truth for the rest of us. Even after these men get divorced, their goals with women stay the same. They are NEVER looking for a true partner in life. So, follow these rules only if you want to be ridiculed (as I was) for your entire life and still single at 50! Am I angry? You bet I am!
(24) Yaacov, 24/8/2008
Only when G-d things you're ready...
I divorced after 20 years of marriage and two daughters nearing the age of 50. I met and/or dated over 100 women in the course of one year. (By the way... the FIRST meeting I never considered a "date".) I figured it was simply a "game of probabilities". The more people you met... the more chances you would meet the right one. I had finally given up... completely. I cried to G-d and told him that I was completely DONE... FINISHED... No more looking for me. If HE wanted me to meet someone... then it was up to HIM. I focused on working on myself and improving... physically, emotionally and spiritually. Well, just two months later... I was introduced to the most amazing woman. B'H (with G-d's help) we plan to marry this September. I suddenly realized that we meet the one we are meant to be with only when G-D feels we are ready... NOT when WE think we are! I do agree... for the most part... on Cliff's suggestions. But more importantly... my suggestion is to TRUST... unequivocably... and unquestioningly... in the only ONE who actually KNOWS who our "soul-mate" is. We BOTH sincerely believe and agree... that even as early as a few months prior to meeting... NEITHER of us would have recognized the value of each other. So, MY suggestion is... TRUST in G-d... and tell him exactly what you're looking for. Prepare yourself physically, emotionaly and spiritually. And, when HE feels you're ready... you will meet him/her. Oh, one more thing... DO NOT expect to get 100% of everything you ask for. That's where the TRUST part comes in. HE knows what you need much better than we do! :)
(23) Sarah, 24/8/2008
Right On
I came up with the same list, more or less. It helped me sort through potentials with lightening speed. Getting to the chupah means block and figuratively tackling. Saying no is as important as saying yes. I met the man of my dreams, Baruch Hashem. Then I fell madly in love. Cliff put it quite succinctly, especially rule number 10. It is "Our Father's" rule so if He is bringing the bashert, it pays to follow his guidelines.
(22) Anonymous, 24/8/2008
disagree with 1st paragraph
I have to disagree with the 1st paragraph. Dating is not the hardest, cruelest, most grueling, unusually deceptive, extraordinarily haphazard and exorbitantly expensive undertaking between human beings since the dawn of time. DIVORCE is. That's why the rest of the article is so important.