Get rid of the illusions and let your marriage soar.

by Dr. Michael Tobin

Reprinted with permission from www.wholefamily.com

1. You can't make anyone love you and nobody can make you happy.

2. Try all you want -- you'll never change your partner. However, if you change yourself, your partner may change.

3. People don't marry people; they marry illusions and fantasies. (What a surprise to discover that your partner is as human as you are.)

4. A real marriage begins just at the point where the illusion ends. The challenge of marriage is to discover who you married.

5. Love is only one of the reasons we choose a partner. (Sometimes, it's not the most important.)

6. Most likely, the qualities that now drive you crazy are the same ones that first attracted you to your partner.

7. It is impossible to go through a relationship without experiencing periods of pain and loneliness.

8. The greatest gift you can give your children is a loving marriage.

9. A marriage succeeds when each of us realizes that our partner's needs are at least as important as our own.

10. Marriage is the best opportunity to grow, overcome selfishness and learn how to love.

Now let your marriage soar!

Copyright WholeFamily.com
Also visit the WholeFamily Marital Center.

 

Published: Sunday, September 28, 2003
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Visitor Comments: 3

(3) Chrissie, October 22, 2003 12:00 AM

discovering 'who' you married is the harder thing

Is it right to 'not' be "who" you really are just for the illusion to continue on "false peace"??? I guess a 'snake' is always in the most beautiful garden. Are you really enjoying all it's beauty if you must ALWAYS keep your eyes on the alert to not step on the 'thing' (snake)...so as not to be bitten...over and over??? Is that marriage in a beautiful garden or 'life' on a 'lived-out' existence??? Is it worth the wait for the snake to die (selfishness), or just wait to die yourself?????????

(2) Reihan, October 1, 2003 12:00 AM

I am VERY HAPPY to find you! My entire life has changed since I dicovered you!
Thank you!
Sincerely,
Reihan

(1) gabriello marchetti, September 29, 2003 12:00 AM

great!

It's the reality, the consciousness of the relationship with the Other person ;but also the opportunity for growing and the best message to give to our sons.In respect of life.

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About the Author

Dr. Michael Tobin

Dr. Michael Tobin has been a psychologist for 30 years with a specialty in marriage and family therapy. Dr. Tobin is in private practice in Jerusalem and is the Director and Supervisor of the OU/Israel Center Counseling Center where he trains and supervises religious counselors in marriage and family therapy. Dr. Tobin is a published author, founder of the website, www.wholefamily.com and Executive Producer of the Israel Center/OU Dor L'Dor Family Theater. Dr. Tobin can be contacted by e-mail at mtobin@wholefamily.com and by phone at 052-869-905 in Israel and from outside Israel at 972-52-869-905. Dr. Tobin apologizes that due to time constraints he is only able to answer one question per week.

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