Marriage: For Men Only

by Rabbi Tzvi Gluckin

A step-by-step survival guide.

Published: February 2, 2008
Hear related audio on this topic.

Give Tzedakah! Help Aish.com create inspiring
articles, videos and blogs featuring timeless Jewish wisdom.

Visitor Comments: 25

(25) Barry, February 28, 2008 8:11 AM

don't laugh!

Don't laugh, it's all true!

(24) Rachel, February 24, 2008 11:19 AM

Love it!!! Ha Ha!!

(23) Anonymous, February 15, 2008 4:01 PM

true...for gentiles too !

I have also watched the one for women only, and although his way of putting things is blunt, it is quite true, although more caracteristically true in the case of the one for men.

I would comment it is equally true for gentiles too. yes, we male, tend to act stupid in our dealing with women. and if we happen to be with a manipulatress, she will use our male ego against us. if she is a good woman, she would feel misunderstood, not listened to. yes, the best way to be might be a combimation of the best of male and female attributes ! that way, we know both side and don't act stupid with the other sex !

(22) Kelly Woo, February 8, 2008 1:23 AM

This was so funny.....

and also wise. I know it said, "for men only," but I could not resist! Let's have one "for women only!!"

(21) Joey, February 6, 2008 11:11 AM

Good advice not only for marriage, but any confrontational situation. God bless!

(20) Anonymous, February 6, 2008 11:05 AM

Great!!! - I got the message loud and clear...

It helped me to be more aware that things are not always as they appear... and inspired me to maneuver around the "traps" of male-hood we often fall into...

(19) Anonymous, February 6, 2008 8:20 AM

Well said!

Yes, I agree with the posters who mentioned humor- this was a great video, and the humor was just what we needed to be able to swallow the very powerful message- which was, "Listen, guys! Your wife wants you to listen, and empathize, not preach and solve!!"

I like the way the Rabbi conveys his message- I don't take too well to preaching myself, and this was done in a way that can help all of us.

For the woman who wrote it was disrespectful- first of all, ahem, this was for men only... Secondly, since I understand you couldn't withstand the temptation, please understand that the guidance was using humor as a medium, and the very ESSENCE of the guidance was inherently respectful, powerfully so!! Anyone who disrespects women has no interest in providing for them what they appreciate or need. It's also quite disrespectful to write in the subject line "who are you?????", especially to an author whose bio is right there on the page.

Great video, great message, and well conveyed! Thank you!

(18) Miriam Sara, February 6, 2008 8:12 AM

thank you and Yes!

Thanks, Rabbi Gluckin. Perhaps your wife , Ruth, would do the "For Woman" only version of this video. I'm waiting -sitting on my hands with my mouth shut..practice makes perfect.

(17) Ruth, February 5, 2008 4:58 PM

A little bit of humor goes a long way!

I think the point that the Rabbi is trying to make is that communication is the fundamental component of a successful marriage. Not only is it important to express yourself it is also important to listen....and many times we need to train ourselves to listen. We also need to have a sense of humor. This goes for both men and women.

By the way....the Rabbi in the video is my husband!

(16) Anonymous, February 5, 2008 1:07 PM

Soooooooooooooo cute!!

Very well done...very cute and very funny!!!

(15) Anonymous, February 5, 2008 11:24 AM

Not hypocritical

I don't think it's hypocritical to provide tips on good listening behaviors. It's hard for many men (sometimes women too!) to keep their mouths shut and SHOW they are listening- all the good intentions in the world don't matter if the spouse does not feel listened to. Try to follow the Rabbi's explicit instructions, and then see where it REALLY takes you- to a very calm and thankful wife, you will see.

It is not hypocritical to behave in ways which are pleasant and well received, even if we didn't think of these behaviors on our own, and even if we need guidance to identify and implement these.

If someone has no intention of bettering themselves as a husband, and no interest in pleasing their wife, then yes, it is hypocritical to just go through the motions, perhaps to extract a favor later on. But for the rest of the well meaning husbands who truly desire to better their marriages, we need to hear guidance, seek out others' insight into what women need and appreciate (bearing in mind that all women, like men, are individuals, so there is no true one size fits all), and aspire to implement new learnings in good faith. Bettering ourselves can never backfire!

(14) Rachel J., February 5, 2008 10:49 AM

Who are you???????

This was very disrespectful to men & women.

(13) Anonymous2, February 4, 2008 10:51 PM

hypocrisy?

so we should be hypocritical? that is the way to resolve family issue.....
ignore the issues and pretend you care, try this approach for a month, see where it get you

(12) Rosen, February 4, 2008 9:31 PM

open sensitivity

Since it is a mitzvah to listen, men must be sensitively open to what women have to say, which will determine the outcome of the relationship or marriage. As long as a relationship or marriage is mutual, then it is fairly certain to last. There's no reason to be in an abusive relationship with physical and verbal fighting, because men obviously should not hit women (or vice versa). If a certain relationship turns out that way, then it is not worth the time and energy going thru the phases of emotions and turmoil. Men should find women who love each other equally as a partner and spouse.

(11) anonymous, February 4, 2008 7:25 PM

responsibility

Women also have a responsibility that when they have issues they need to say and express themselves in a polite and sensitive manner, especially if they have a problem with their husband. They should bring up their issue in a sensitive manner. They cannot just give their emotional tirade and hide behind the fact that they are women and that's their nature. In marriage being kind and understanding is not a one-way street.

(10) Anonymous, February 4, 2008 9:38 AM

The same is true..

Women could use the same video only use it when your husband comes home from work and is growling and takes it out on you. We are the ones who have to smile,and take the abuse of a long rotten day. It works boths ways.

(9) chaim, February 3, 2008 7:29 PM

well done

this is chochma
good job

(8) Anonymous, February 3, 2008 5:25 PM

Fabulous

Said like it is, and with enough humor to make one actually want to listen!!!

Fabulous!

(7) Anonymous, February 3, 2008 3:58 PM

an earlier article discussed the intention and attitude of gift giving....e.g. flowers for gratitude or flowers to ensure future parental help. this video suggests that listening to one's wife with the attitude conveyed is not the gift of real listening from the heart...it suggests a technique for contriving to have the wife "let it all out". what did the husband really learn here? to pretend with the interjections which are simply formulaic, and not honest. It was so unlike your others. thank you anyway.

(6) Deena, February 3, 2008 3:06 PM

Not nice

It makes it seem like when a woman complains about something, it is purely emotional, nothing real and concrete. A man should show that he cares about what she's saying but, um, he actually should be trying to care because she might have something worth hearing. And a woman should work on not directing her anger at the man, ESPECIALLY if it really is not about him.

(5) Anonymous, February 3, 2008 2:43 PM

I think he makes a good point about just listening to her so she can get it out and feel better. I think a wife should do the same for a her husband and listen

(4) Anonymous, February 3, 2008 1:47 PM

ouch

This is pretty disrespectful, to both men and women. Are you serious here, or tongue in cheek? Our needs may differ, but both men and women need to be serious and sincere about investing the necessary effort to take care of each other in marriage. Better luck next time...

(3) Ed, February 3, 2008 11:57 AM

Wisdom and Kindness

Brilliantissimo - How to demonstrate love, patience, long-suffering through simple self-control. Friends bear one another's burdens.

(2) judy, February 3, 2008 9:36 AM

one more thing....

if that already was not too much.
could ya also be sincere?
mean it.

(1) y ben y, February 3, 2008 8:34 AM

empathy - a two way street

a good deal of truth to this, BUT, women should not always unload on husbands, especially first thing walking thru the door after work, there needs to be empathy on BOTH sides. In short, marry a giver, not a complainer...

See All Comments

stub

About the Author

Rabbi Tzvi Gluckin

More by this Author >

Tzvi Gluckin lectures extensively on a wide range of Jewish related topics. He is the author of four books including: Everything You Want Is Really Jewish, Discover This, and Knee Deep in the Funk: Understanding the Connection Between Spirituality and Music. He served in the Israeli Army, holds a B.M. in Jazz Studies from the New England Conservatory of Music, and is currently the director of Vechulai, an innovative Jewish think tank in Boston. For more information, visit his website at gluckin.com/.