(21) Anonymous , February 16, 2008

particulars

All in all, communication and collaboration are key to a successful relationship and marriage. Women ought to be more appreciative of men, as opposed to being particular and meticulous, because that can have one be taken for granted. There should be more intrinsic value than that of extrinsic and superficial. Mutuality is key, and this Rabbi made two fair statements to both men and women over the past two weeks on how both should appreciate one another.

(20) The Emess , February 16, 2008

Pre feminist divorce rate vs. 2008

What's wrong with this way of thinking? Men & women are different, and react differently. It's no suprise that men need to feel this way in order to respond to the woman the way they should. Women have the same quirks and need to be finessed in certain ways in order to get a positive response too... especially in marriage/intimacy.

When we realize that we're completely different species and how the other reacts, and use that knowledge - we communicate better.

We treat our children differently based on their age, their sex, and their personality. Why should our spouse be different?

When this was the way of thinking - pre feminist era, what was the divorce rate? Compare that to today's society.

(19) Daniela , February 14, 2008

I think I see the problem -

Anyone making a video like this has GOT to consider exactly how they're coming across ! There is obvious sarcasm in the delivery of both this message and the one from last week. The question is, what is the sarcasm supposed to be directed to ? It's hard, especially in this week's video, to tell if it's a satire of attitudes from the 1950's that had women running to form the Feminist movement, a show of attitudes today that highlight the differences between traditional view of marriage and non-traditional, or an actual giving of serious advice. Obviously if it's the latter, a grave mistake was made in delivery, given the overwhelmingly negative feedback. Either way, this person is being misunderstood in some way or another. If we were to have read these words in written form, how would they have come across ? I think all the comments would have been the same, with the exception of those who said, "can't you see the humor used here ?" There, too, is evidence that something's been lost in translation - where did this person intend to be humorous ? I'm frankly at a loss myself to determine what is serious in these two messages and what is not. I would love to think that it was the first suggestion, that this was a satire of outdated and unrealistic attitudes about what should be done for a man who should be thinking twice about a job that makes him come home in a bad enough mood or tired enough not to deal with what's going on in his house the second he gets home. But of course, that's just my wishful thinking. As for a wife bombarding him with problems on one hand or serving him with his slippers and a snack like a servant on the other ? Are there no other scenarios ?

Sounds like a very well thought out third video with some pointed clarifications and apologies are in order - otherwise Aish will be left with some very disappointed readers who may think twice in the future. We want people to be inspired. Not insulted.

(18) Anonymous , February 14, 2008

I normally love AISH, but this was ridiculous. I firmly believe that men and women have different roles...but this is out of line given that most women work outisde the home today. Since I happen to be the one who works 14 hour days, and currently am the breadwinner...even more insulting. And I don't want to "stick it" to my husband. I respect his needs and time for space as he does mine.

(17) Devora , February 13, 2008

Disillusioned

I'm not sure what to say: I love Aish, and
this was the first thing on the site that ever rubbed me the wrong way. I'm disappointed in the cynicism present in this video, and the attitude toward relationships it presents. Not my cup of tea-- but maybe I'm living in a fairytale?

(16) Rivka Kornreich , February 13, 2008

He'll learn to expect the bad after the good.

If hit with unpleasantness right after the lovely greeting and nurturing care, the husband will learn to resent and suspect nice treatment.

(15) Beth , February 13, 2008

Insulting

I love Aish and I normally find the site inspiring and educational. This installment, however, is just plain insulting. I don't know what's worse - the fact that Tzvi Gluckin sounds like a misogynistic throwback from the 1950's or the fact that Aish thought that this was sound advice. If a man wants to be treated like a knight in shining armor, then he either needs to move into a fairy tale or at least treat his wife like an Eishes Chayil. Who fetches her a drink at the end of her day at work, when she has to come home from putting eight hours in at her job and then has to put in more hours at the house? Who listens to her with empathy when she's up all night with a breastfeeding baby? How come no one ever tells a man to fix himself up before his wife comes home? I also think it is terrible that Tzvi Gluckin thinks that all women are out to "stick it" to their husbands. How about a little mutual respect?! If you want me to put on a string of pearls and bring you your slippers and martini, the least you could do is acknowledged the fact that I'm a human being too.

(14) Susan , February 13, 2008

I'm glad my husband and I are not stereotypical. We both enjoy each other's company. And yes, we have our private, alone, give me space time.

(13) Anonymous , February 12, 2008

Enjoyed this

Funny, and honest.

(12) Miriam Sara , February 12, 2008

ummmm..this is a joke?Right?

Rabbi Gluckin,
Could it be that all men are not complete jerks? I sure hope so. Perhaps this video was an attempt at humor and should be taking with many grains of salt. Respecting others is a sensitivity to people issue, not only a spouse problem.
Our children should be treated the same way. Everyone deserves to feel important by the people they love and are loved by. Thank you for reminding us that hyperbole is used to get a point across, not to insinuate that a person should necessary DO all those things. p.s. I get home after my husband.

(11) Lisa , February 12, 2008

Is this guy kidding?

What about when the woman comes home from work? It would be nice for kids and pets and house not to need us as we walk in, but guess what, they do and the man needs to help too. Get over yourselves- grow up!!! This guys wife must be a saint.

(10) Linda , February 12, 2008

Sort of agree

Put yourself in the guy's shoes. Would you want to walk in the door after a long day's work and not have a minute or two just to calm down before dealing with the house chaos? I think the point he's trying to make is to treat your spouse as you'd like to be treated. And, choose the right time to complain, bring up negative issues.

(9) sheila , February 11, 2008

too true

I have seen this happen with my husband. And since I have returned to work, it has gotten worse. I needed that reminder. Thank you.

(8) Barbara , February 11, 2008

Manipulative

Women are being manipulated in this video. This is so transparent that it is insulting. Do husbands really need a few minutes of indulgence before their wives can speak honestly to them? Are they not decent enough to listen BEFORE having a drink and a neck rub? Men are being insulted here and women manipulated. Why is it again that Jewish husbands and wives just can't talk openly with each other?

(7) jamie , February 11, 2008

Don't Aish.com readers have a sense of humor?

I loved this video and the first one. He makes valid points with a huge heaping of humor... Of course he's joking here... seems like some of you need to get out more often

(6) talia , February 11, 2008

r u kidding?

I love this site mainly because of the great articles you display every month. This is an absolute joke!

(5) suzy , February 11, 2008

Anon 2/10

Yes woman and men are different nowadays, but men still see themselves as a supporter and provider. And so we should make sure that we don't make them feel like they are failing if they are trying their best to do their part as a supportive husband. - Sometimes one spouse wants to talk right after the other one comes home. And so the advice is to let the person relax first. Afterwards, they are more able to listen

(4) Anonymous , February 10, 2008

stick it to him?!!is that your view of what women do?! not a very mutually respectful approach!

(3) Anonymous , February 10, 2008

Is this a joke?

Have we gone back in time? I can't figure out if this is supposed to be funny or patheticly serious. Who takes all this into consideration when I come home from a long hard day of work. Aish, I always love and read your articles, but not this one. Women have come a long way and I don't think most of us believe there is a knight in shinning armor. After being married for over 30 years, we both need time to come home, have our own space, relax, take care of ourselves, and only then can we talk and share our day.

(2) yehuda king , February 10, 2008

That was truly groovy!

(1) suzan , February 10, 2008

Agree

Very true that we need to give them a chance to relex first. When he is ready, he will be more able to listen.