Dating after Marriage
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Dating after Marriage

Dating after Marriage

When was the last time you and your spouse went out together on a date?

by

When was the last time you and your spouse went out together -- just the two of you, no kids, no friends, just you and your partner? If you have to pause even for a second to think, that's not good.

Your marriage is the most important relationship you will have in this world -- more important than your relationship with your kids. Raising great kids is half prayer, and half a good marriage. If you want your kids to come out great, make sure your marriage is great.

Marriage requires consistent investment. Marriage is like a bank account -- life will throw a lot of things your way, challenges, adversity, problems. These create a stress in marriage and cause one to withdraw from the account, emotionally and physically. So your bank account better be pretty full. How do you make deposits to insure that the funds are there? Investing in your marriage means spending time together, quality time. Dating after marriage is an important tool.

Practicals:

  1. Try and make your date once a week, the same time every week. If Wednesday is "date night," book your babysitter every Wednesday. If you get an invitation to something, or a meeting is scheduled, tell them "no", it's my date night with my spouse. Date night is sacred.
  2. Take turns planning the date. One week you decide where to go and what to do, the next week your spouse. It could be dinner and a show, it could be as simple as a shopping excursion to Walmart, a coffee at Starbucks -- the idea is to spend time together, just the two of you.
  3. You are allowed to talk about the kids, but only for the first 15 minutes. What else is there to talk about? Well before you had those kids, there must have been something to talk about! So get back to sharing your hopes, thoughts, feelings and dreams, just like dating…in the old days.
  4. Every 3-4 months plan a get-away. At least for one night, ideally two. You don't have to go far, it could be checking into a hotel right here in town, or driving to a bed and breakfast in the mountains. You are close enough that if your kids needed you, you could be home, but you are far enough away to feel like you are really gone.

Romance and enhance your marriage. You give to your kids so that they will leave; you give to your spouse so that they will stay. Invest now.

Published: May 31, 2008


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Visitor Comments: 27

(27) Anonymous, August 22, 2008 3:25 PM

Great Article

For those of you who think it's impossible to get away, those are just excuses. I grew up in a family where there was no money and my parents always made it a priority. They have an amazing and happy marriage 35 years later. Also to the woman who complained about the psychologist's suggestions....why don't you go back and reread the article again. The focus was on building a better marriage. It wasn't aimed on catering to the divorced folks. There are many articles out there to support them, but this obviously isn't one. Don't take it so personally!!!!

(26) Andi, June 7, 2008 2:08 PM

I agree. The best thing you can do is create a community of parents with whom you can share babysitting duties. The kids rotate from place to place and the parents get a free night. Eveyone wins!

(25) Anonymous, June 7, 2008 4:07 AM

Why is it so many people put so much empashis on psycologist''s suggestions? After all, they are ONLY suggestions! We are individuals created in the image of G-D H-Mself. How can we assume every human being reacts the same in any given situation? when no two persons fingerprints are alike!!! And why is it counselors are afraid to reveal so many people who follow their advice "suggestions" to the letter ONLY to fail in their marriages? i see this EVERYDAY in people i love very much...family members, friends, couples who have NEVER failed to have weekly date nite outs,regular overnite trips, in fact, have done literally EVERYTHING "suggested" above yet are miserably failing in their marriages. Many of whom, too proud, too scared to admit this so they suffer as well as their children. Don''t they as well as all of us deserve HOPE? Shouldn''t they be told HAPPINESS EVEN AFTER FAILURE IS possible with G-D !!! HE forgives TOTALLY! HE restores COMPLETELY- EVEN for divorced spouses and children-there IS NEW LIFE.

(24) Anonymous, June 6, 2008 9:44 AM

Best investment you''ll ever make

After 18 years, one ritual that hasn''t budged in our marriage, is our Friday morning date (a time we both have been able to set aside in our busy schedules in order to spend time together). The kids are at school, hence no babysitting fees and sometimes the date is as simple as a cup of coffee. After a busy week, these date are precious to us. This "us" time has been the special ingredient, to a long and successful marriage.

(23) Anonymous, June 6, 2008 6:19 AM

Great responses! What about the author''s?

I agree with the comments that dating can be made cheap, with friends switching off to watch each other''s kids. And wrapping up dinner to take on a walk is a great idea! But going away to a hotel?! Completely unrealistic for many of us, because of small children thank G-d and because of tight budgets thank G-d. I would like to read the author''s response to this dilema!

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