6 Ways to Stay in Love Forever
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6 Ways to Stay in Love Forever

6 Ways to Stay in Love Forever

Daily habits that strengthen marriage.

by

Relationships don’t coast by on autopilot. They need active effort to keep the love alive. Here are six secrets to stay in love forever:

  1. Us” Time: You may spend lots of time with your spouse but is it quality time? Whether it’s a weekly date night, a few overnights, or an extended vacation, make sure that you have time where you can focus exclusively on each other. While it may be a challenge financially or difficult if you have young children, it’s crucial to do your best to make this happen in some doable form. When you do go out, don’t use it as an opportunity to talk about the kids, run errands, or strategize for work, focus on “us.”

  2. Connect throughout the day: Do you remember when you first met? You may have been so excited to see each other that you used every spare moment to call each other even when you were apart. It’s worth revisiting some of your old practices that you engaged in when your love for each other seemed all encompassing. Make an effort to connect with each other throughout the day. Send a short text message or email to let your spouse know that you’re thinking about him/her. Make a call during lunch to say I love you. These regular connections during the day will keep the positive feelings flowing and make your time together when you return home that much more meaningful.

  3. Give Appreciations: It’s so easy to notice the flaws in our spouse and take the virtues for granted. We need to throw out this recipe for resentment. Instead make it a habit to express gratitude and overlook their faults. Daily appreciations will help you not lose sight of all the good your spouse does for you. You’ll also get in the habit of focusing on the positive and your partner will feel loved. Make a few minutes a day to include appreciations in your routine. Sit down and look into each other’s eyes and share what you appreciate about what your spouse did for you today or a quality that he/she possesses.

  4. Try new things: Don’t let your relationship doesn’t get stale. Try new things together. When you were dating you may have done new activities together. How exciting is your relationship? Take a cooking class, go rock-climbing, learn something new together and you’ll see how it will liven up your relationship. Even if you don’t have the same interests, you can still have fun together.

  5. Make your spouse laugh: Laughing can create the same chemical bond as intimacy. Couples can get bogged down in the heaviness and stress of life. Negativity can permeate the atmosphere and ruin all attempts to connect, even on a nice vacation. Infusing laughter into your relationship can cut through the stress faster than anything else.

  6. Praise your spouse’s physical appearance: While this may be more important to women than men, it is a nice gesture to positively comment on your spouse’s appearance. As we age and begin to feel self-conscious about our looks, it’s really helpful to know that your spouse still finds you attractive. With the constant barrage of advertisements showing us what we are supposed to view as beautiful, it is nice for women to know that their husbands still love their looks as they did when they first got married.

A great marriage is built on small, daily practices like the six habits l listed above. They may not bring about a Hollywood romance (that only exists in movies anyway), but they will help you stay in love forever.

If your marriage requires more immediate assistance, download your free sample chapters of Rabbi Slatkin’s new book, The Marriage Restoration Project- The Five-Step Action Plan for Saving Your Marriage.

Published: February 8, 2014


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Visitor Comments: 5

(5) scott, February 16, 2014 11:26 AM

All these things should become habits. If you can't remember to do them put them in your google calendar and check them off every day until they are like brushing your teeth.

Every day-point out something that is attractive about your spouse-man or woman. And mean it. It will make them look at you in the same way. And people want to be closer to people whose compliments make them feel attractive.

Every day take ten minutes to ask how they are and listen with mouth shut and ears open. And then go the other way. In a room. Without anyone else there. You sleep that way Talk that way.

Find something everyday to say thank you for. Every day. People like to be noticed. Makes them want to do more to gain more recognition.

Make a phone call a week that starts with "I just saw/heard/remembered ______ and I thought about you." That's huge.

Find a babysitter and go out. Regularly. Take a walk. Have a picnic. Get coffee. Go to dinner and a movie. Without the kids/friends/relatives/etc. Every once in a while make it a production.

I'm not sure about the importance of finding new things-marriage isn't about entertainment..but if your spouse expresses interest in something, try it once with a good attitude...you might like it. And if you don't-honesty isn't always the best policy. He/she can tell. Give them the chance to let you off the hook.

And the laughing...that's huge. Jokes at your spouses expense are not funny. Ever. Teasing is not funny. Ever. Mother in law jokes are funny rarely. And only her mother in law. Not yours. If you aren't good at it get a joke book and tell a couple.

I'm just saying this is what I try to do and things keep getting better for us.

(4) Bobby5000, February 12, 2014 1:08 PM

Recognize gender differences

Men and women can be different so recognize it.

1. Women like to voice their concerns, worries, etc while men believe that whatever was done is done and it does little to go over the past. A wife may want to voice regrets but don't include your husband in a self-deprecatory parade, Morris why didn't you buy that stock, sell that house, trust your friend. For a husband, he needs to recognize women solve issues and deal with uncertainty by voicing their concerns and that listening and providing love and support are all that is wanted, not proposed solutions.

2. It's either black or white for a husband sell the stock, leave the job, or not, while women can work with a range of emotions or choices.

3. As one family member said, don't treat me like a king, just treat me as well as your casual acquaintances. It is annoying for men to see a woman effusively complimenting others as a cocktail party while leving caustic criticism as her husband. In affairs, the old story is that the girlfriend provides compliments, admiration, and support. For husbands, compliments are welcome.

4. For both recognize that the grass is always greener.
If a new person was so much better, one would see a dramatically lower divorce rate among second marriages as the personal clarified his goals and expectations.

In fact, divorce rates are markedly higher in second marriages showing that people have unrealistic expectations and sometimes expect more than they give.

(3) Jacob, February 11, 2014 1:14 PM

Is It Realistic?

“It is nice for women to know that their husbands still love their looks as they did when they first got married.” I don’t understand this. Is it realistic to expect a husband to love his wife’s looks at 50 as he did at 25? Instead of becoming self-conscious about our looks as we age, wouldn’t it be better to accept the fact that external appearance depreciates over time? Isn’t vanity a losing game in the long run?

(2) Anonymous, February 10, 2014 7:48 PM

hard to do!

Great article. Seems easy to do, but so hard in such day and age when both partners must work full time jobs (that are no longer just 9 to 5) just to afford food and a simple apt., and when your kids need so much of your attention on the other times when you are actually home.

(1) Michal, February 9, 2014 4:29 PM

It is so easy...

When you know somebody, before you "fall in love", you appreciate him and his "looks" at life, and you are sure, that you would even love to have him as friend, in case he is married already..., then after a time of much much talking
and learn everything about the other one what it possible, then you fall in love (sometimes without being aware of it),
then even after many years this love will never go away. Never. (I suddenly realize that this is the Jewish way...)

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