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Five Things Your Wife Wishes You’d Know but Won’t Tell You

Five Things Your Wife Wishes You’d Know but Won’t Tell You

Husbands, listen up.


Here are five things your wife would like you to know but for a variety of possible reasons, she won’t tell you.

  1. She feels overwhelmed and likes when you take charge. Between taking care of the children, making dinner, and keeping the home together, not to mention working, she has a lot on her plate. She wants you to be her partner, not another person to take care of. That’s why it’s music to her ears when you offer to make dinner or do bath time, even though you may have worked all day. Picking up some of the slack provides her tremendous relief and she sincerely appreciates it. Don’t wait for her to ask. Just do it.
  2. She has a hard time turning off the “mom reflex.” She is not always attentive to you because she is preoccupied with the kids. It is not that she doesn’t care about you or love you, but is very difficult to stop thinking about them and their needs, even during adult time. While it is crucial to have alone time with your wife, understand how challenging it might be for her to refocus her energy on you and don’t take it as a sign of rejection.
  3. She loves to be cherished. Even though you may not be inclined to express yourself emotionally, one way or another you have to let your wife know you love and cherish her. Tell her through words – written or spoken, or thoughtful gift or a romantic getaway. It doesn’t matter how, just make her feel special. Guys may be able to go without many of these things, but to many women this is her oxygen. When you cherish her and make her feel important, she feels valued and appreciated as a wife. When she does not feel cherished, she may feel resentful or insecure about your relationship.
  4. She is sensitive to other women and potential competition. Watch how you talk about other women and praise them, even for things that seem benign like, “Wow she’s a good mother.” She wants to be the best in your eyes. The thought of you praising someone else when you may not praise her enough may make your wife feel that she is not satisfying your needs. If you have women friends (probably not the best idea) or female colleagues, tread lightly. If your own marriage is going through a rough patch, having relationships with other women (friendships or business – not romantic), especially if you imply you enjoy their company, can be very painful for your wife.
  5. She wants to be heard. Hear out her anxieties even if they seem trivial to you. Instead of telling her not to be worried, validate her fears and offer to help her. When she stresses out about next year’s carpool schedule, don’t brush her off. Genuinely listen and volunteer to help. Take practical steps together to relieve the anxiety, it calms her down and makes her feel taken care of.

These five points may be obvious, but you’ll be amazed at the positive and immediate effect they can have on your marriage. By taking charge when your wife feels overwhelmed, understanding how hard it is for her to turn off her “mom reflex,” cherishing her, being sensitive about talking about other women, and hearing and validating her, you are showing her that you are doing your part to creating a better and more fulfilling relationship.

Click here to read 5 Things Your Husband Wishes You’d Know…

If your marriage requires more immediate assistance, download your free copy of Rabbi Slatkin’s book, Is My Marriage Over: The Five Step Action Plan to Saving Your Marriage

June 2, 2012

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Visitor Comments: 27

(19) Anonymous, November 24, 2016 7:00 PM

Don't need a guide when you truly love

"omg..women need to get over it..most are not superstars to begin with! they just luckily we did not want to try harder for a better woman"
That comment is absurd. My wife is MY superstar princess. Treat her that way and trust me, she'll make you feel like a King. If it's complicated, it's not love. Been together for 8 years and it has been so easy. No I am not the submissive type at all, hell, without her I would turn into a big player, buy a little condo and round up 100s of college girls. We laugh about this lol...
But the point is, when I commit I commit. I have no issue putting my foot down when the time is right, and she respects me even more for that, and she fully trusts me to lead our family into success. I wish anyone to have this kind of relationship. So easy, so easy. And it all comes down naturally.
She gets the heated garage, she picks her side of the bed, she gets the furniture she wants, etc... It's all the little things that add up... I live to please her, I wouldnt even have a house if it wasnt for her. And if she ever leaves, Ill still wait for her to come to her sense and come back, and Ill welcome her with my arms wide open. I'll have some fun on the side of course, but I am a firm believer, after many experiences, that there is only that one person for you. I would forgive her anything, seriously. And I am a happy guy, I box, I work out, I do my guy thing, we give each other space.. Now I don't want to brag, just prove it's really damn possible. Women will treat you how you deserve to be treated.
Sorry for the long essay.

(18) Adjei Francis Gabriel, October 1, 2016 10:39 PM

May God bless you

This has help to tight up more marriages. Thank you very much

(17) Anonymous, May 30, 2015 6:57 PM

I wish love was not complicated

omg..women need to get over it..most are not superstars to begin with! they just luckily we did not want to try harder for a better woman

(16) Anonymous, May 13, 2015 7:04 PM

Couples with No Children

My mom reflex is not on because our kids from a previous marriage are grown. I don't mind taking care of the house while he works. Priority number one is I just want him to be nice. So for other men reading this who really want to know what it is that women really want, all you have to do is just be kind. Don't walk ahead of her, texting and talking to others, ignoring her. Don't constantly criticize. When you make her cry, apologize. Act like you actually care.

(15) Harry C., November 20, 2014 8:58 PM

It's all about validation, let's do to each other as we we would desire to be done to; one worthy turn deserves a better other!

My wife is not my servant so long as she remains so; but becomes a slave and a forgone alternative as soon as she starts looking down on me.

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