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Seven Things Your Wife Really Wants from You (But Doesn't Tell You)

Seven Things Your Wife Really Wants from You (But Doesn't Tell You)

How to show your wife she’s cherished.


Men and women are so vastly different, sometimes it’s hard to figure out what our spouses want. Here are some ways to show your wife that she is cherished, even though she probably never actually let you in on them.

1. Your complete presence (minus the iPhone)

Your wife wants to know that despite all outside pressures, she still remains a priority. After a long day of being immersed in your own personal business, try to remove all real and mental distractions and give her the full attention she craves and needs.

2. An empathetic ear (minus the Superman cape)

Women don't necessarily talk to solve problems; they talk to be listened to and understood. When your wife is speaking, try to give her the compassion, empathy and attention she needs before instinctively pulling out your superman cape and solving her problems.

3. Open and honest communication (even about your vulnerabilities)

Your partner wants to feel likes she's a real part of your life – even the parts that we don't like to tout about. Speak to your wife about what happened that day. Be honest and open about your thoughts. Pull your feelings off the shelf and air them out a little, at least when you're with your partner.

4. To know that you're thinking of her (like, all the time)

Sounds like a tall order but she's thinking about her family's needs 24/7, so it makes sense that she needs someone doing the same for her. Send your wife small reminders that she's on your mind throughout the day. Give her a random surprise phone call while at work to ask how she's doing. Buy her little gifts or knickknacks once in a while.

5. Your time (minus that iPhone)

A blossoming friendship needs the nourishment of time spent alone. Try to get away from the grind of routine every once in a while, and give your loved one the gift of your time.

6. Recognition and appreciation (Hint: wash the dishes)

Recognize and appreciate all your partner does for you and the family. Show her that you know and care about what's important to her. Verbally acknowledge that she is appreciated. Try to help out with the kids and housework once in a while to show her that you recognize all the work that she puts into the home.

7. Emotional support

Establishing yourself as a partner who is emotionally available and supportive is one of the fundamentals of building your partner's trust. Never run away from or ignore problems, even when the going gets really rough. Be there for her as a supportive shoulder, and weather out the storms together.

June 24, 2017

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Visitor Comments: 6

(4) Dvirah, July 3, 2017 5:57 PM

Real Problems

If the husband thinks she's discusing a problem only "to be understood", will he take seriously a plea for practical help? Better that he keep that cape handy in case its wanted.

(3) Bobby5000, June 29, 2017 10:44 AM

nice summary but question about 3

This is a good summary and most men would benefit by doing these. Number 3, "good and honest communication" is somewhat concern

Many men would like to discuss things they believe could be improved with their spouse, but is is not clear such discussion would be welcome. Saying you look beautiful today as always may be welcome but not fully honest, while saying here's how you could improve your appearance or what I would like at private times with you may be honest but not.welcome. She focuses on "honesty" in one area- men disclosing their vulnerabilities. Note men and women handle stressful situations differently. Women may want to talk about their vulnerabilities and even what went wrong; men want to put aside what was done wrong and go into problem-solving mode.

Whether men should discuss their concerns at work can depend how his wife approaches such issues. For example, let's say Jack has some problems with a project at his job and the couple has two children- 15 and 18. Scenario one, he speaks with his wife, she offers comfort and a small bit of advice and he is happy they talked and feels confident about the future.

Scenario two, they talk, and she expresses worry that day and on subsequent ones about their financial future, reminding the husband of the large tuition payment due, asking whether his job is secure, whether their daughter should look at a less expensive college, and what happens if he does lose his job. His stress has dramatically increased, impairing his ability to do his job while his wife feel that having brought up his problems, she should be able to express legitimate concerns. Obviously in scenario two, husband would have been better off not discussing the issues with his wife and hoped things worked out well on their own.

(2) Anonymous, June 28, 2017 3:55 AM

Concern for kids

She also wants her husband to show love for their children, by hugging and kissing them, by helping change diapers, spending time with them, etc A man who neglects his children is hurting his wife.

(1) Burtb, June 27, 2017 10:15 PM

Guys, do not share your feelings

As a man who has been married 29 years, I suspect the

"Open and honest communication (even about your vulnerabilities)
works in only 30% of marriages.

None of the Guys I know do this.
10 years into our marriage, we went to counseling, and the therapist suggested this.
Sharing my vulnerabilities caused my wife to wonder whether I was up to the challenge of protecting her, if I loved her enough, and why I had been lying to her about how competent and strong I was for the last 10 years.

I learned to lie about vulnerability.
If I am freaking out, I tell my wife I am a little concerned.

If I feel like I want a divorce, because she is being so unreasonable, I say I am having a hard time understanding her.

When I feel like screaming at her, I say "no, I am not mad. Everything is fine. You must have misread my emotions". and then make my face go blank.

When she says "your voice is so loud", I whisper.

The bit about "she wants you to listen, without the superman cape " is GREAT advice. That one piece of advice reduced 50% of the troubles in my marriage.

Women say they want the truth, but that is a lie.
They can not handle the truth.
You need to treat your wife like you are on the 5th date. Always hold the worst feelings back.

Only share what you absolutely have to, or you will destroy your marriage.

Anonymous, June 28, 2017 8:23 AM

Good to hear a man's point of view

I am a woman, and as I was reading this, I was wondering if most men could live up to these expectations. I know my husband can't. And we DO have a good realtionship.

1. My husband is not a talker. I cannot expect him to share his innermost feelings. Many times he doesn't know himself what he is feeling. And tha'ts OK.
I need to make sure that when he does talk, I am listening to HIM, and focusing on him. That will encourage more communication.

2. It drags my husband down to constantly have to listen to me, understand me, support me, etc.
If I really want my husband to listen to me when I need him, then I have to be aware of when he is able to listen, and when he is NOT able to listen. For the times when I see that it's overload for him, I have my friends and sister in law to talk to.
And that's OK :)

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