(28) Anonymous , February 22, 2007

YES!

Thank you, Ms. Braverman. It's my observation that young women who dress like hookers devalue themselves and settle for much less than life could offer.

(27) Dvirah , February 22, 2007

Reply to Christina, 2/19/2007

I don't have a real answer for you but as I am also the family breadwinner as well as the mother, I wish to offer you my sympathy and support. It is not easy combining those 2 roles, especially as a one-income family is automatically "disadvantaged" these days. However, I thank G-d that my older children are helpful and understanding and my husband, when he is well enough, also helps out. The exact amount of time you spend with your family is less important than its quality and that is what you should strive for. Wishing you all the best!

(26) Alizah , February 22, 2007

modesty is attractive

Let me share my experience. I wear modest clothes, long skirts, long sleeves. I never felt unattractive because of my clothes. A friend of mine told me that since I started to wear modest clothes I look more feminine than before. Lately I started dating with a man and he told me that to be covered is much more attractive than to walk half-naked. You look more serious and it can show that you accept your feminity and don't have to exaggerate it or make it histrionic as if you were one of these miserable drag queens...

I strongly believe that tznius makes a woman more dignified, like a women of family which is on the unconcious level much more attractive than any skin-deep beauty. A man knows that he must deserve, do his best and not just take and throw out after use...

(25) julia , February 21, 2007

we are on our way

I was just recently a teenager and am only 24 now. i have several younger siblings all teens as well. you are completely accurate in your assessment. I am only recently beginning to try to find more age appropriate clothing. There are 4 modes of thinking and dressing
1. women are objects and men want them covered so other men don't look at them

2. women are objects and men want them to dress sexy so they are always eye candy

3.women are in control and they realize how powerful they can be if they dress sexy

4.women are in control and they realize they can be powerful when they dress sexy, but they can be even more powerful when they dress appropriately and speak in a direct manner and are not insecure about their own wisdom and authority.

We are at the third stage. It is our job to convince girls that dressing sexy is much more powerful when it is reserved for special occasions and that they can get just as much positive attention from boys by being gregarious, passionate about something and involved in group activities. Dressing sexy will make him pay attention to you, but it won't make him like you.

(24) Anonymous , February 21, 2007

In total agreement with your line of thinking

In total agreement with your line of thinking. The amazing irony of the women's movement of the 70's, when we were trying to stop people from thinking of women as "sex objects" and here we have our daughters and grandaughters looking like hookers in their everyday dress, some as young as nine years old. Society needs help. Frum women need to "model" modesty, dignity and self-respect for young Jewish children who literally see too much of the other side.

(23) Anonymous , February 20, 2007

To anonymous regarding teenagers

It may have been awhile since you were a teen, but the world you speak of exists not more, for the most part. Teen girls today DO know exactly what they are doing, and if you've seen the current teen magazine's, you will wonder no longer.

All components of the media explain to our teenagers in far from subtle language a world that would have made anyone blush thirty years ago.

Of course, teens don't MEAN to be promiscuous- they are simply following the crowd. But they don't wear their clothing by mistake, and they certainly have the understanding of how their appearances affect the opposite gender.

They know this as well as the multiplication tables. Probably better.

(22) Anonymous , February 20, 2007

Well put! Keep up the good work.

i found your article on true feminism, timely and inspiring. too bad more people don't see it the same way.

(21) WENDY , February 20, 2007

AS ALWAYS YOU CALL IT LIKE IT IS.

DEAR REBBETZIN:
THIS WAS PERFECTLY WRITTEN; I ASSURE YOU I WILL PRINT THIS OUT FOR MY DAUGHTER TO READ TONIGHT.

(20) Anonymous , February 20, 2007

Do not assume girls know the effect of their clothes and behavior

I disagree with Kochava's remarks that teenaged girls know exactly what they are doing with their clothes or their actions. I know that I was certainly innocent in my understanding and intentions, and when I wore the clothes that were the style in my younger years, I was deeply hurt and insulted when someone imputed intentions and meaning to those clothes that I did not have or intend. The same attitude that this teacher expressed has also been expressed by people who are pedophiles, who blame the little girl or boy for their own bad intentions. Little children sometimes lift their skirts or otherwise display themselves, without in any way understanding what such actions mean in an adult world. They are not being promiscuous, as the perpetrators of evil acts on them will proclaim.

I came from a religious and sheltered home, in which my mother would sew most of my clothes. She tried to copy the current fashions in a well-meaning way. It was only with my own maturing and consciousness raising, and my increasing discomfort with certain currant fashions, that I made changes in my clothing styles. I always felt that I could lead in fashion, and would only follow a fashion if it suited me.

I hope that this teacher and others take my words to heart and stops imputing to the teenaged girls feelings and intentions that they do not have the maturity and understanding to really know.

(19) Tammy , February 19, 2007

you've come a long way

I have also noticed that it is not just teenage girls that are being targeted but girls who are of grade school age as well. This is so sad. Whatever happened to respecting yourself. When I was in high school back in the early to mid 70's girls that were dresses as we see them today and the styles that are being pushed were considered sluts and clothing for hookers. Yup we sure have come a long way haven't we?

(18) Christina , February 19, 2007

While I certainly like these articles I have a question. Mothers who have the highest task of caring for our young and instilling values and a sense of morality are also the most underpaid of our society. Poor mothers are looked down on and pitied and more well to do mothers are given only the slighest recognition by society. While I can no longer call myself a feminist due to the disrespectul and prosmiscuous nature of the current feminist movement I want to know what Observant Jews have to say about the great gap between the job(motherhood) and the pay(NADA). So are we supposed to be mothers or workers or both? If we have no one to finance our mothering( i.e. a husband) what are we to do? I'd really like to know.Thanks,
From Ottawa

(17) Anonymous , February 19, 2007

Modesty is quite comfortable, thank you

To the anonymous's who wonder why liberated Jewish women (ie, those who wear modest clothing and aren't enslaved to a constant deperate need for male attention) need to wear "uncomfortable" skirts and long sleeves:

Have you experienced it, or are you making assumptions based on what you see others wearing? Modest clothing is quite comfortable in every way, not to mention beautiful in a dignified way.

I am so much happier in my modest clothing, and don't feel I have given up an iota of comfort.

Loose long sleeved cotton in summer is no more uncomfortable than exposing the arms to the hot summer sun, probably more comfortable. And I'm athletic, and outdoors A LOT.

(16) sz , February 19, 2007

The beauty of character is within, however outside beauty is important too and long uncomfortable skirts and long, highnecked tshirts are really not cute, let alone a cheap wig...

(15) leah , February 19, 2007

I hear you!

Loud and clear! Yes, I know exactly what you mean: attractive vs. attracting! I was listening to a radio program for about 5 minutes or less on Moetzi Shabbos and it was really a downer. It was a woman's program which unfortuanately in this country is synonymous with ignorance with how woman should behave as well as what they should think about themselves and their projection on the world.
They were discussing the "Sprts Illustrated Swimsuit" issue and how it makes them feel bad when it comes out becasue it sends a wrong message to women. I agreed with that part,yet the part where they(the womens magazines and media etc.) always fail is that they lack the understanding that it all starts on a small level. What I mean to say is the way they dress is a problem. They may be saying the words, yet they are still performing and dressing in smaller ways than a full spread magazines pictures. they were saying that what they wear to the beach and to the mixed dances , dates, blah blah blah. These very , role women?, are undermining themselves and their teachings and the problem is:
THEY ARE CLUELESS!
scaryyyyyyyyyyy!

(14) Mark , February 19, 2007

Amen!

Real beauty consists in the inner character of the heart, the imperishble quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. In Hashem's sight this is of great value. Cf. Avraham's Sarah in the Tanach.

(13) Anonymous , February 19, 2007

Feminism hasn't met its own goals.

Emuna Braverman hit the hammer right on the nail. In spite of the unlimited intellectual and career oppurtunties available to women today, society seems to be putting more and more pressure on girls to become the fantasy of a "liberated" man: beautiful and available with no expectations or demands. Even women who are intellectual and successfully learning in the most prestigious universities or engaging in successful careers can present themselves in such a demeaning manner without even meaning to. One of the many aspects that attracted me to Torah Judaism was the freedom to behave and dress in a way that is dignified and self-respecting. I was sick of the pressure to be the ideal "Cosmo girl".

(12) Anonymous , February 18, 2007

Agree with Anonymous

Could not agree more Anonymous. Why should Jewish women have to wear uncomfortable long skirts and long sleeved shirts (in Summer) while men are able to wear comfortable clothes, including t-shirts?

(11) kochava , February 18, 2007

As a teacher of teenage girls, this issue is one which pains me a great deal. I do not at all believe that a girl's intentions in her mode of dress are unconscious. I believe that every woman knows exactly what she is doing and why she is doing it when she stands in front of the mirror each morning. Over the years, my observations have been as follows:
It is very very difficult, if not impossible to encourage teenage girls to dress modestly while they're in HS. The pressure is too high, the clothing too cute, and their blossoming bodies "begging" to be displayed.
What I have found to work better than any lesson on the "beauty of tzniut" is to empower them with all of the halachot-- laws of modest dress. I tell them that i am giving them the sources, teaching them the laws, and putting the information at their fingertips. When the time comes for them to make a decision, they'll be well prepared.
I also tell them that on the day when Sarah Imeinu will walk down the street again and behold her beloved girls, I want her to be able to look at me and say "See her? that's my girl. It's been 4000 years since Abraham and I began our mission, and she's holding on. She's one of mine"
As a final note, I also believe that we have to paint a picture for our girls that lets them see that the tremendous self sacrifice of adding an inch here, or closing two buttons there is probably equivalent in the eyes of G-d as an act of kiddush Hashem such as preformed by the Jews in the mid. ages when asked to renounce their faith or be killed by the sword. I believe, and i tell my girls, that for a girl today (faced with all the tantalizing and recklessly destructive clothing available) to put that item back on the rack, or close up her thigh high slit is nothing more and nothing less than an act living martyrdom.

(10) Anonymous , February 18, 2007

re: Anonymous, 2/18

No one said it had to be big. It just has to fit.

(9) Anonymous , February 18, 2007

didn't go far enough with comments about feminist battle

while I agree with Emuna Braverman's ideals, when i first saw the article i thought it was about high heeled street walker shoes(see picture) and how they not only prevent women, young and old, from moving normally, would in the future cause serious damage to feet, backs and knees. These ridiculous 3"+ shoes designed by men and women have become serious status symbols of affluence in our society. Girls as young as 8 pressure their parents to buy them(for them) and teens all "need" them to survive their in-groups of other teens who are culturally deprived of few decent role models.Our girls model themselves after the ridiculous Britney, Paris, and other "American Idols." The media feeds on these "Idols" and brainwashes our young girls by constantly throwing the "idol's" antics and clothing in our faces on TV and print media...parents and teachers become impotent to teach values..feminist? fagetaboutit! Are our mothers, grandmothers and teachers working to teach our girls about women's roles at home and school? About where they can go in the world? March is dedicated to Women's education..do we care? Everything concerning women's rights have been watered down-even the one day of "Take our Daughters to Work" no longer is taken seriously..We all need to wake up..not just Jewish families and pressure the media, our leaders, fashion designers and ourselves to show, by example(not buying)(not supporting)and working with our kids on self esteem and values.Then we can see our kids modeling themselves after our values..because they will have found them to be of value to them.

(8) Ahavah , February 18, 2007

You're mistaken...

...about what the point of feminism was in the first place. The idea of feminism was that women were supposed to be able to do anything men were doing, and that included getting rid of the old stereotype that a man could "sow his wild oats" while women were branded for doing so. What you see is simply the result of that belief - it is exactly what feminism wanted, not a mistake of any kind. What feminists didn't understand originally was that they were breaking a social contract that protected their sisters who didn't want to act that way - now men won't wait, marry or be financiall responsible fyor a home and children because they have been taught they don't have to by the feminists. So instead of having a choice of being chaste and having a traditional household, staying home instead of dumping their kids to be raised in herds by badly paid strangers, women have had their choice taken away. In secular society, there aren't any choices anymore. Feminists did that, and they did it on purpose - they're not sorry and they aren't interested in changing anything. It's not a "mistake," it was their goal all along.

(7) Ken Gesser , February 18, 2007

I believe that you make valid points.

(6) C.Siegel , February 18, 2007

Yes, But...

Sexual harassment can happen even to women who are modestly dressed, and not necessarily sending off "mixed signals". There are plenty of men who prey on a woman's perceived vulnerability, in the workplace and elsewhere. The turn-on for these creeps is a combination of sex and POWER, "Look what I can make her do!" There used to be a word for them--cads.

(5) Miriam , February 18, 2007

feminism's main goals were not about society valuing raising a value-filled family

because that was already valued before feminism. The central issues of economic equality, more choices for women in and out of the workplace, reproductive freedom- these are all things that do not necessarily correlate with needy, attention seeking behavior, and conflating them does a huge disservice to feminism. Women who feel that they need men to validate their appearances and bodies were not created by Betty Freidan, they were created by a structured and structuring patriarchal system. Being part of the public sphere is essential to creating visibility and advocacy as well as existence theorems for young girls that women can enact real change in what often feels like a very male-oriented world, and should not be condemned as un-tznius.

(4) Heather , February 18, 2007

I agree entirely with these two phrases especially!: That dressing in a revealing way obscures the ability to see the person underneath.
When the emphasis is on the external, we are too distracted to consider the internal and the inner self suffers from lack of attention.

It is so hard to articulate to my eleven year old daughter why dressing provoactively is not just "inappropriate", but hurtful to all young girls. I love what you wrote!

(3) avraham broide , February 18, 2007

package deal

Braverman would likely not have"a law degree... and and a Masters in Psychology" if not for the feminist fight that she obliquely attacks. Free women dress more provocatively - it's part of the package.

(2) Anonymous , February 18, 2007

I understand you want to promote tznius, modesty, however the flipside of 'being dignified, seen for your own beauty blablabla' is forcing yourself into a skirt and big shirt every single day and knowing you are not really cute.

(1) Debra , February 18, 2007

the goal was all wrong

My view:
In the battle toward equality, women are becoming all that we have bemoaned of men for millenia.....self-serving, self-asserting, self-everything. The ends justifies the means. The masses are another avenue to "success", another venue to fill our egos, our bellies, our heads. The - primarily - masculine task of self-promotion, domination and conquering have all become blended into the uni-sex approach to self-indulgent living.
We have arrived, we women. We are now just what we thought we always wanted to be. The lines are no longer drawn, but blurred --
we have become masculinized