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Constant Contact
Mom with a View

Constant Contact

Do we really want this?


A friend of mine showed me an ad for Constant Contact the other day. It’s an email marketing tool with some great applications for certain businesses. I was just struck by the name – Constant Contact. The idea made me shiver.

Constant Contact – is that healthy? Do we want that with anyone? We all love our children. We all like to be in regular contact with them. But constant? When they wake up in the middle of then night, we are usually not excited by the opportunity for further closeness.

Even our spouses. How many couples go a little crazy upon retirement? All of the sudden the husband, who was typically out all day, is constantly underfoot. “What are you doing now?” “How about now?” I don’t even like it when my husband’s office is closed for the day. And I’ve already warned him not to even consider retirement!

And that’s with our nearest and dearest. Nowadays we have the opportunity to be in constant contact with everyone we know or have ever known -- our whole extended family, including long lost relatives, all our work colleagues including our boss, people we went to college with, people we went to high school with, elementary school, even our first grade teacher…

Do we really want this?

I don’t mean to sound anti-social. Sometimes it’s nice to catch up with an old friend. My husband recently called his fourth grade teacher to say thank you (she pretended to remember him!). It’s nice to know the access is there.

But sometimes the constant contact, the unceasing noise leads to a loss -- a loss of downtime, a loss of thinking, a loss of processing, a loss of introspection.

There is no time left to figure out who we are or where we want to go. There is no time to evaluate our old goals and determine fresh ones. There is no opportunity to examine our relationships and see if they’re thriving or if they require improvement (they usually do!). There’s no time to appreciate the good we have, the gifts the Almighty has given us.

I don’t think constant contact is a good thing. We all need a little quiet space. We need to make a spiritual accounting and create new plans for growth. We need to think about our friendships, our marriages, our children. We need to evaluate our career choices and options. We need to stop and enjoy the beauty around us.

In fact I plan to do just that in one minute. Just as soon as I check my emails…

November 7, 2009

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Visitor Comments: 13

(13) Anonymous, November 18, 2009 8:01 AM

I have just recently recognized this constant contact in my own life. I am so busy with work and with home responsibilities, with volunteering for this and for that, with being so quick to say yes (mostly to my husband) because I want to please, that I have lost myself. I have not taken time out to think and process and reconnect with myself and with G-d. Thank you for sharing this bit of wisdom.

(12) Geoff Frisch, November 11, 2009 7:37 PM

Enmeshed boundaries

In psychological terms, constant contact is a symbol of enmeshed boundaries, which is not mentally healthy.

(11) Linda, November 11, 2009 7:22 PM

You're right, and when it comes to husbands

Before my husband retired,I had time to do my projects in the house. Once he retired, he remains on the couch, not good for vacuming. Or else he is adding his opinion to anything I want to change in the house. Now I'm adjusting to asking his opinion on things, (which keeps the tifs to a minimum) It really was easier to have the space to plan and do things I wanted to. and Kids? I want to see them once in a while, talk to them some, and not know all their business. I raised them to live their own lives, they don't need my opinion unless they ask me.

(10) Dvirah, November 11, 2009 3:51 PM

Constant Contact

While I fully agree with Mrs. Braverman that we don't need constant contact with everyone else and must have some alone time, there is one "person" with whom we would do well to remain in constant contact - G-D.

(9) mindi g, November 11, 2009 2:20 PM

my space

Thank you for expressing my sentiments. I thought I was the only one on this planet not constantly attached to something electronic. I cherish "my space" and that has nothing to do with a computer.

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