Teaching our children the rewards of patience.

by Rabbi Yonason Goldson

"Middle age has finally arrived," I said to myself as I confronted a life insurance application form for the first time ever. But as I filled in the blanks and checked off the boxes, I suddenly paused, suspended between youth and old age, as I read and reread one question midway through the form: Have you ever been skydiving?

I consider myself an honest person, so I found myself in the midst of a moral struggle as I contemplated how I should answer. The reasoning behind the question seemed obvious: why should any business gamble a quarter of a million dollars on the life of someone foolish enough to jump out of an airplane?

The way I figured it, however, there are three reasonable explanations why an otherwise sane person would do such a thing.

One, as in the case of former President George Bush, to save his life when his plane has been hit by enemy fire.

Two, also as in the case of George Bush, when one is winding down his life and figures he hasn't much of it left to lose anyway.

And three, as in my own case, when one is not yet sufficiently mature to appreciate that his life is far too precious a thing to be thrown casually out of an open hatch at 3000 feet.

Barring any of these three excuses, an insurer would be entirely justified in refusing coverage or inflating charges. But why, since I now regard jumping from an airplane as ample cause for mandatory psychiatric observation, should I be burdened with doubled insurance premiums because of a momentary lapse in good sense when I was half my present age?

As it turned out, I went with a different company, one whose application phrased the question this way: "Have you been skydiving in the last ten years?" That's much more fair, I think.

Of course, insurance companies may just be looking for excuses to jack up their prices. After all, compared to BASE jumping, ice climbing, and other extreme sports, skydiving is positively run of the mill. Could George Bush, a former president of the United States, former director of the CIA, and former member of the NRA, be so completely off-the-wall? (Never mind that the poor former first lady could hardly bear to watch her husband's escapades.)

Indeed, my diving instructor (whose name was also George) told us repeatedly: "Skydiving is no riskier than crossing the street!"

As a 19-year-old undergraduate still looking for a major course of study, life seemed to have little to offer me except cheap thrills. If something would go wrong, and I would splatter against the plowed earth of the Sacramento valley, well, what was the point of being alive if I didn't experience all life had to offer?

It goes without saying that children of all ages will be drawn like moths to the fire of every kind of sensory stimuli. It is our job as responsible adults to shield them from the flames of both real danger or virtual thrills, to gently prod them along the road to wisdom by exposing them to more rewarding and enduring highs than those brought on by adrenaline rush.

In the same way that chomping on spearmint gum deadens the palate to the subtle complexities of fine food and wine, the instant gratification of putting one's life at risk may, in the end, kill off any hope of ever savoring the subtle joys of maturity, even if those dangerous pastimes do not themselves prove fatal.

The Talmud offers the following insight into human nature: "If someone says, 'I struggled but did not achieve,' don't believe him; if he says, 'I achieved without struggle,' don't believe him; but if he says, 'I struggled and achieved,' believe him."

The Talmud goes beyond the simple axiom that there is no sense of accomplishment without exertion. It tells us that exertion and effort will inevitably produce a sense of accomplishment. And unlike the transient high produced by LSD, PCP, or any contrived brush with danger, the sense of accomplishment produced by struggle will not vanish into nothingness, leaving behind an emotional void or the anguish of physical or psychological withdrawal. It will endure, and spur us on to greater struggles and greater accomplishments.

Without intellectual effort, we would never graduate from Dr. Seuss to Shakespeare, from Marvel Comics to Monet, or from music videos to Mozart. Without psychological effort we would never learn the practical skills to succeed professionally or the interpersonal skills to succeed as spouses and parents and friends and neighbors. Without effort we would never learn to appreciate the small, subtle pleasures life has to offer because we would be ever waiting impatiently for the next emotional quick-fix.

Acquired taste is accessible to the young. As parents, we must not shy away from the challenge of inculcating patience and prudence in our children. Through persistent effort we can teach them that cultivating a taste for the more refined pleasures of life is not so hard, no harder really than falling out of an airplane.

Published: Sunday, June 13, 2004

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Visitor Comments: 3

  • (3) Jeff , March 26, 2008

    Subject Knowledge

    Your quote: "Through persistent effort we can teach them that cultivating a taste for the more refined pleasures of life" contradicts the entire basis of the writing. Should the individual know more about the subject they might soon realize that the modern day sport of skydiving is very much one of the finer pleasures of life requiring persistent effort. The analogy of skydiving as a quick fix and comparing it with LSD and PCP shows a very seriously lack of understanding of the subject and spoken by a person respected as a person of wiht a basis of knowledge is more troublesome. Beware of your teachers before you choose to believe them!

    Jeff Reckard
    Avid Explorer of Life

  • (2) Peter Shankman , October 10, 2007

    Completely disagree

    Rabbi:

    When I started skydiving, I discussed with my Rabbi my choices. With over 200 jumps now, I can safely say that skydiving has made me a better person, a more well-rounded person, and a better Jew. Falling from airplanes is a stimuli, just as going to the theatre, or a symphony, or reading a novel. The aincent Greeks believed that to truly be a well-rounded person, one should experience all forms - the arts, the maths and sciences, and yes, varied sport.

    Your denying (shielding, as you call it) those from trying something that while dangerous, is no more dangerous than crossing a busy intersection (how many people were killed driving to work last year) is short-sighted. I do hope that you don't teach your congregation to be as closed-minded as you appear to be in this article.

  • (1) Anonymous , October 9, 2007

    If you knew anything about skydiving, you would know that it is not about the adrenaline rush that you felt your first time. I stopped getting that overwhelming feeling of sensory overload by about jump number 30. Skydivers are a community of people that share similar interests and love to experience the joys of being alive. If you want to shelter your children and not let them experience what life has to offer, go ahead. I don see why you people can't teach your children about life AND let them experience it for themselves. If you try, you might succeed for a little while but I think that those that are adventurous enough, will take that plunge and be glad they did.

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About the Author

Rabbi Yonason Goldson

Rabbi Yonason Goldson teaches at Block Yeshiva High School in St. Louis, MO, where he also writes and lectures. Visit him at http://torahideals.wordpress.com.

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