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The core emotional need of a woman is to be cherished. This is the husband's number one responsibility. That means making her feel loved and appreciated, that she's your number one priority. A man's core emotional need is to feel respected by his wife. When he comes home, he wants to feel that there is at least one person in the world who thinks he's got what it takes. That means getting off the phone when he walks in the door.
Under the marriage canopy one of the seven blessings given to the bride and groom is that they should become "beloved friends." The hallmark of friendship is that each person validates and respects the other person's feelings and needs. Validation means: What's important to you is important to me. It's a key way to make your spouse feel loved. 3. REMEMBER THE FOUR GOLDEN WORDS: LISTEN, COMPROMISE, REPAIR, AND GRATITUDE. Agree to keep one basic rule at the beginning of your marriage: No matter how upset you are, never launch a verbal attack. Fighting with insults only makes problems worse and erodes the relationship. Instead, implement the four golden words:
Compromise: Strive to solve problems where both of you are happy with the solution. Neither one should feel coerced into accepting the other person's point of view. Repair: When you hurt each other emotionally, repair the breakdown and remove the lingering feelings of anger and resentment. Aim for 100% reconciliation. A little resentment multiplied 50 times can create a wall of bitterness. Gratitude: You can never say thank you enough to your spouse. Try to notice everything your spouse does for you and acknowledge it with sincere gratitude.
Your spouse is your number one priority - not your parents, relatives, friends, children, work, or hobbies. Set strong boundaries that show you value your marriage and don't allow anyone or anything to weaken your relationship. That means meeting your spouse's needs before your parents' needs, coming home with enough time left in the evening to have quality time together, and inviolate date nights.
Marriage is ultimately about making each other feel good and striving to give your spouse pleasure on a daily basis - on his or her terms. If she says she likes lilies, don't bring her roses because you think they're more romantic. Learn how your spouse prefers to be given to - whether it's physical affection, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service (like helping out in the house, running errands) or spending quality time - and get in the daily habit of doing it. You'll enjoy giving more than receiving.
Published: Monday, May 12, 2008
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1.CHERISH YOUR WIFE. RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND.
2.TREAT EACH OTHER LIKE GOOD FRIENDS
Listening: It's essential for working together and solving problems. Allow your spouse to speak without interruption and then repeat what has just been said. This reassures your spouse that he or she was heard. 
4. ESTABLISH STRONG BOUNDARIES
5. GIVE EACH OTHER PLEASURE DAILY
Hear related audio on this topic
Children
I Understand that a wife comes first. But after being divorced and getting remarried my wife feels like i should''nt spend any time with my children because they aren''t biologicly hers. This is dangerous and incorrect. IMHO.
(2) Paul Cooper 6/3/2008 11:05:00 AM
A valuable guide, but there are exceptions!
These are valuable points of concentration. Sometimes, however, a spouse may not be able to fulfil one or more of the precepts, but if there is love there, then there is understanding.
For example I have been happily married for 47 years, but in all that time, I cannot remember my wife ever getting off the phone when I got home from work. I admit that at first this bothered me. But I have come to realize that though my wife''s need to have social interactions with her friends is very strong, she loves me exceedingly -- with words and deeds. And she has amply demonstrated that she is as proud of my accomplishments as I am of hers.
(3) anoynomous 5/30/2008 2:53:00 PM
question to Shmuel
Are you married b/c you sound like you''ve got the ideas pretty down pat. I was wondering if they are actually put into practice...
Rabbi Heller has recently founded The Relationship Institute in Los Angeles specializing in helping people solve their relationship challenges.In addition, he provides an "international coaching and counseling service via telephone for relationship issues." For more information about his telephone counseling service and public speaking availability, contact him via email at Dheller2@netzero.net. Visit his website at www.claritytalk.com.