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Recently we had a Shabbos guest who we hadn't seen in a long time. She had moved to New York and was back in town for a friend's wedding. We were having a good time, reminiscing about people and places. At one point she turned to my husband and said, "Nachum, I've known you about 20 years now and you haven't aged a bit. You look exactly the same as you did when we met." My husband beamed. And I sat waiting patiently for my turn. I waited and waited (Hullo! Over here!) and waited and waited... Then the conversation turned to other topics. But I'm okay with that (really). I can accept that I look my age (well I can accept that I don't look 25 or even 30!). And I didn't give that conversation a second thought (okay, I didn't give it a third thought) until a few months ago when I had one of those birthdays. You know the kind I mean -- big, scary numbers. As much as I couldn't believe all those years had passed they have and I decided not to buy into the PR -- 50 is not the new 40 or 30. Who are we kidding? It just isn't. It may be true that people are living longer, and the expectations and energy of a 50-year-old are not what they were 100 years ago (thank God!). But you can't erase 10 or 20 years. I know the date on my birth certificate. I can't pretend I'm really 30. And I'm not sure I want to. It's also not true that "you're only as old as you feel." I like facts. I'm as old as the calendar says I am. And I prefer it that way. Because even though there are days when I feel like a kid, there are also times when I feel about 70 or 80! However I feel, I'm still 50. And that's okay too. It's even okay that I look it (most of the time, and as long as I avoid those magnifying mirrors!). Because I've earned most of my wrinkles and a few of those gray hairs. I frequently point out to our children which wrinkles they are individually responsible for (a pastime they really appreciate!) or, on a good day, just claim they are all laugh lines. But it is what it is. At the end of Abraham's life, the Torah teaches us that "he came with his days." This expression means that he used his days fully, made each moment productive. And while I'm certainly not laying claim to the greatness of Abraham, nor can I say I've used every minute fully, I can say that this is my goal, that I try to make full and meaningful use of my days, some days with more success than others. And if the price is that I look like I have, so be it. It's worth it. I'm grateful for all the opportunities in my life thus far, the joy, (most of) the challenges, and the hard work. It's okay if my guest doesn't say I haven't aged because I have. I just pray that I have also "come with my days." And that I am granted many more chances to do so. Maybe the new 50 can just look at life through new eyes every day, anticipating the future instead of dwelling in the past. There's more to say but there's a new anti-aging cream on sale at the mall and I just need to run out... Published: Sunday, February 24, 2008
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HelpI am a grandmother in need of advise
I know this has little to do with being over 50, which I am, but more of trying to say and do what is right.My family is from the deep south and we have had very little to no Jewish influance in our life, yet it is there. My son has chosen to be very involved since he has moved to Topeka. The problem is his daugther, age11 has been seperated from our family and in a bad situation until her father finaly got custidy.This child is so full of anger and defiance that I am crying most of the time. She accuses me of saying things, hurtful things that I had never thought much less said. I love her and would want nothing more than to help her. In this case love is not enough. There is so much hate in her eyes and even her smile that you would cry. She needs help. I do not know what to do. It is like one of these ''bad seed movies'' on TV.I know there is hope for her, but I don''t know where to look.So far prayer has had no effect.
(2) Judy Goldberg 3/11/2008 2:19:00 PM
Dear Emunah,
I have read some of your articles over the years and I have found them to be well thought out - a message with good humor. I don't know if you remember me - my husband and I came to California about 23 years ago - sent by Aish Hatorah and we ate a Shabbos meal by you. Anyway you look great in the picture and the face is the same. Thank you for the wonderful articles. You have a terrific talent in expressing what many of us feel and you know how to put a positive and meaningful spin on the topics.
Sincerely yours,
Judy Goldberg
(3) Raquel de Almeida 3/8/2008 11:42:00 AM
wrinkles? what are they?
When I mention to people that I will turn 50 in a few months they laugh and want to know "what my secret is"! I guess the reason is that my youngest child is 4 years old and I have a happy attitude to age and the grey hairs that have appeared from nowhere, as if by magic - says my 6 year old!
So, when I am told I look thirty I often reply: Do I also sound that immature?
I feel great that I have lived to be fifty and healthy and the wrinkles are there - or are they?
In any case, olive skin, damp and grey UK weather, young children and the absence of sunshine does wonder for your skin! (she says with a smirk!)